Mom's Diner: Apple Pie

Since my mom still thinks I'm a growing boy (I'm still waiting for those last 3 inches the doctor promised me), she wasn't just going to let me leave without a complete meal. To make sure I got the necessary sugar part of the food pyramid, my mom introduced me to the sweet tooth utopia known as her apple pie. At first, I was a little hesitant about committing an act of piedultery against my normal pie shoppe partner Robin, but then I remembered that I hadn't eaten pie since her departure in May, giving way to the ever popular pie withdrawal excuse.

Pie Crust

Ball of shortening!

Adapted from Crisco
Servings: 1 deep dish pie
Time: 30 minutes

2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 stick or 1 cup chilled all-vegetable shortening
6-10 tbsp ice cold water

My mom's dough rolling skills > my dough rolling skills.

1. Preheat the oven to 425 F.
2. Whisk the flour and salt together in a bowl.
3. Cut the shortening into 1/2 inch cubes. Then cut the cubs into the flour mix with a pastry blender or fork (or smush them with your fingers) until only pea-sized coarse crumbs remain.
4. Sprinkle 5 tbsp of water over the flour and distribute evenly. Continue adding water until it is moist enough to hold together and work with.
5. Shape the dough into a ball then flatten into a 1/2 inch thick round disk.
6. Roll the dough out evenly into a circle at least 2 inches larger than the size of your pie dish. Gently place into the pie dish. Trim so that there's about 3/4 inch overhand. Fold the edges under and flute the edges of the dough.
7. Poke holes into the bottom and sides of the crust with a fork to prevent blistering and rising. Prebake for 10-12 minutes or until the bottom is golden brown.

And she even flutes it. Hot diggity damn!

I had never made a crust with shortening before, so I was quite intrigued. The shortening based pie shell was surprisingly easy to work with and had a fantastic taste that ranked up there with any pie crust in all the land. Plus, I was too dumbfounded by my mom's stellar dough fluting abilities to even notice what I was eating. For all I knew she replaced the pie with a darn tasty toaster.

Dutch Apple Pie

Modified from Food.com

Servings: 1 deep dish pie

Time: 1 hour

You'd never know the apples are actually wax

1 pie crust

Filling

1/4 cup water

10 Granny Smith apples

2 tbsp lemon juice

1 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cu brown sugar, packed

1 tbsp ground cinnamon

Streusel!

6 tbsp flour

Topping

1 1/2 cups flour

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar, packed

2/3 cup butter

not even baked yet and already delicious looking

1. Preheat the oven to 375 F.
2. Mix the water, apples, lemon juice, sugars and cinnamon together in a large pot. Let the butter melt then blend well. Bring the mixture to a boil then let simmer uncovered for 10-15 minutes until the apples start to soften.
3. Remove from heat and mix the flour in.
4. Pour the filling into the prebaked pie crust.
5. Whisk the topping ingredients together in a large bowl until coarsely crumbled. Sprinkle it evenly over the filling.
6. Bake for 15 minutes then cover the crust with aluminum foil to prevent burning. Bake for an additional 40 minutes. Let cool quaintly on a windowsill and enjoy.

I want to go back to there.

Despite being completely stuffed from the chili cheese fries, fried peanut butter and banana sandwich, root beer float and shame, I managed to force a piece of pie down my throat before promptly falling asleep for thirteen hours. I'm glad I did because this was a killer piece of pie. Our granny smith apples provided sharp flavor and were perfectly cooked. The inside was so good and gooey that it was as if it also was filled with caramel (yay butter and sugar!). Most delightfully, however, the brown sugar crunch from the streusel topping went beautifully with the cinnamon punch of the pie to provide me with sweet dreams of a land made of apples and sugar. Stay tuned for the long awaited conclusion to my parental visit: Cajun Eggs Benedict. Can my body recover from the food pummeling it received in time to make a classy brunch, or will my mom bombard me with even more calories before I can get to the kitchen?

It's comforting to know that my mom also has trouble cutting pretty slices of pie.

Mom's Diner: Elvis Presley's Fried Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwich

Were you really expecting a pretty picture with a name like that?

Once my sister and I both left the South, my parents were forced to find new ways to fill their time (aside from worrying about us in scary California). That special replacement something turned out to be the King himself- Elvis Presley. My mom took a break from her busy Elvis Look-Alike contest schedule to teach me about some of the highlights of his "diet". Initially, I resisted, but since the recipe came from the chef who makes me want to know what love is (the ever so dreamy Nigella Lawson), I was willing to give it a shot.

Elvis Presley's Fried Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwich

From Nigella Lawson 

Servings: 1 or how ever many people you can convince to share a fried sandwich

Time: 10 minutes

2 slices white bread

2 tbsp butter

1 small ripe banana, mashed

2 tbsp creamy peanut butter

The complicated ingredients list. Not pictured: butter.

What sandwiches were missing

1. Lightly toast two pieces of white bread.
2. Melt butter in a skillet over medium heat.
3. Spread the mashed bananas and peanut butter on your toasted bread and close the two pieces together to form a sandwich (are you still with me?). In case you're confused, the gooey stuff goes on the inside.
4. Fry the sandwich in the melted butter for about 2 minutes per side.
5. Slice in a diagonal and enjoy.

Enjoy with a nice root beer float. Just try not to be too creeped out by the glances from the Big Boy.

Right off the bat, I was a little concerned that the sandwich wasn't actually deep fried. My lofty expectations of an Elvis Presley creation were smashed. Then, I bit into the sandwich and was pleasantly surprised at how delectable it was. Peanut butter and banana is always a winning combination, but surrounding it with the crunch of our fried toast and that hint of butter really makes you just want to retire to sweat pants (or a nice sparkly jump suit) and call it a night. Along with our Abita Root Beer float, this sandwich gave me heart palpitations which I can only attribute to love, proving that anytime you can take culinary advice from a man who died on the toilet, you just have to.

My dad takes an artful picture of me eating the sandwich with my iPhone. Parents with technology are just so adorable.

Mom's Diner: Chili Cheese Fries

Sadly, my mom did not acquire a Bob's Big Boy suit for me to take proper pictures. Sigh, I thought she loved me.

I recently took a road trip back home to Louisiana to see my parents and some friends. Naturally, a team-up with the first person whose cooking I ever enjoyed was in order, putting an interesting spin on my usual hibernation pattern of eating lots and sleeping for 12 hours at a time that usually occurs when back home. My mom was anxious to show off her new diner themed kitchen (and to finally cook with me where I'm actually contributing instead of sitting there and snacking). Since, like me, my mother doesn't understand self-control (there's probably something about an apple pie and a tree to be said about that), four amazing calorie-filled dishes were born. Chili Cheese Fries, Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwiches, Apple Pie and Cajun Eggs Benedict helped my mom assert that if she brought me into this world, she could sure as hell take me out of it with heart disease.

My parents enjoy their new diner kitchen (and the alcohol in those mimosas). 

Chili Cheese Fries
Adapted from Rachel Ray
Servings: 4
Time: 45 minutes

Add caption

4 large Idaho potatoes, cut lengthwise into 6 wedges
2 tbsp grill seasoning
2 tbsp plus 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, divided

Chili
2 1/2 lbs lean ground sirloin
1 large onion, diced
4 cloves of garlic, minced
2 tbsp chili powder
2 tsp ground cumin
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Butter would become a theme of the weekend

1 can Rotel tomato sauce
1 can regular Rotel (with diced tomatoes and green chilies)
2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 bottle dark beer (we used Abita Amber)

Cheese Sauce
3 tbsp butter
3 tbsp flour
2 tbsp yellow mustard
1 cup milk
1 cup chicken stock
2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese

After quite some time, we finally had chili with the proper thickness.

Cheese sauce: nuff said

1. Preheat the oven to 450 F.
2. Place the potato wedges on a baking sheet. Drizzle them with olive oil and toss to coat.
3. Bake in the oven until crispy golden brown (approximately 40 minutes), turning once halfway through.
4. While waiting for the fries, start your chili by heating 2 tbsp olive oil in a large pot. Add the ground sirloin and cook until browned. Make sure you break the meat into small pieces.
5. Push the meat to the side and add the onion, garlic, chili powder and cumin. Sauté until the onion and garlic softens (about 6 minutes) then season with salt and pepper.
6. Stir in the tomato sauce and Rotel. Continue cooking for about a minute or until a sweet smell and slight carmelization occur. 
7. Pour in the beer and Worcestershire sauce and let simmer until well thickened.
8. Melt the butter in a separate pot. Sprinkle in the flour and cook for a minute. 
9. Mix in the mustard. Then whisk in the milk and stock until thickened. 
10. Remove the pot from heat and stir in the cheese.
11. Top your fries with the chili and cheese sauce and enjoy.

You can practically see the calories.

First, I'd like to point out (as my mother did so many times) that the fries are actually baked, so they're not that bad for you (also, since the cheese is in sauce form, the same surely applies). This was quintessential diner food at its best. The fries had a nice crispness to them that was perfectly complimented by the hearty chili and gooey cheese sauce for some unbelievable salty goodness. The chili was so good that it would've worked fine on its own, but the slight hint of mustard from the cheese sauce really brought things to another level. This messy dish had us off to a nearly flawless start, but the best was yet to come. Stay tuned for more whacky adventures at Mom's diner (think the Pumpkin and Honey Bunny scene from Pulp Fiction).

Hatch Chile Extravaganza: Hatch Pork Chops with Hatch & Avocado Puree

The mind is a most wondrous thing. Unfortunately, mine has been terribly addled by my crippling sugar addiction, making this attempt to write about a meal Kevin, Nancy and I made well over a month ago (we'll just call September a wash blog-wise and blame it on a case of writer's meat block) quite the challenge. Now that I've properly hyped it, here is the conclusion of our Hatch Chile Extravaganza, the only entree strong enough to stand up to the delectableness of Hatch Chile Mac & Cheese- Hatch Pork Chops served on top of a hatch and avocado puree.

Hatch Pork Chops with Hatch & Avocado Puree
Adapted from Central Market
Servings: 4
Time: 60 minutes

We looked at this pic for 5 minutes to try to remember what we put in the marinade.

Pork Chops
4 Pork Chops (we used pork ribeyes)
Roasted hatch chiles
Olive oil
Salt
Pepper
Red Chili Flakes
Garlic

Puree
5 hatch chiles, roasted, skinned and stemmed
1 small avocado, peeled and pitted
1 tsp honey
Juice of one lime
2 tbsp vegetable oil
Salt and pepper

1. Mix the hatch chiles, olive oil, salt, pepper, red chili flakes and garlic together in a food processor and blend well.
2. Marinade the pork chops in the hatch chile mix for at least half an hour.
3. Grill the pork chops for ~8 minutes per side.
4. Combine the remaining hatch chiles, avocado, honey, lime juice, vegetable oil, salt and pepper in a blender and puree well. 
5. Attempt to make a fancy streak of puree on the plate, then give up after realizing the avocado is prohibiting this.
6. Lay your grilled pork chops on top of the puree.
7. Make sure each bite is complimented by the awesome hatch chile and avocado hybrid.

It looks like guac, so you know it has to be good.

Chiles plus avocado can only lead to glorious things, and this was certainly the case with our main course. The pork chop themselves were hearty Texas-sized chunks of porkulation with a nice hit of flavor from the hatch chiles and a gentle kick from the red chili flakes. What was a good chunk of meat was turned into something memorable as soon as it was perched atop the hatch puree. Our puree essentially acted like a guacamole that was slightly sweetened by the honey that provided extra moisture and flavor to our chops compliments of the fantastic roasted hatch chiles. It worked so well, that I could see it going on plenty of different meat options (or tortilla chips). Together with our mac & cheese, we had a fancy meal worthy of fine dining to liven up our footballless Monday night (yup, it was that long ago that the season hadn't started yet). Fear not loyal readers, there's plenty more to come from my September of adventures including not one, not two, not three but four down home recipes from my episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives with my mom and some bacon loaded pizza from California.

The finished meal. Nancy's green beans rounded things out and kept up the color theme.

Good bye, roasted hatch chiles. We'll see you next year (when you can finally use this recipe!).