Wedding and Honeymoon Spectacular: Homemade Pasta with Roasted Tomatoes, Garlic and Olive Oil

Getting married is pretty awesome. Aside from the whole getting to spend the rest of your life with your favorite person, it also comes with tons of awesome kitchen gadgets for free!

Yeah, the wedding was kind of perfect.

Following a truly epic wedding featuring some of the best food and greatest dance moves of my life, Robin and I embarked on a perfect relaxing and delicious honeymoon in Napa. Sadly, we were forced to eventually return to work and the real world, but this weekend we decided to at least briefly relive the awesomeness by busting out our shiny new KitchenAid Pasta Maker and uncorking a bottle from our favorite winery of the trip- Silver Trident (Seriously, the food pairing, wine tasting, and people were so amazing that we joined the Wine Club).

Egg Pasta with Roasted Tomatoes, Garlic, and Olive Oil
Recipe from Serious Eats
Time: 75 minutes
Servings: 4

Pasta
10 oz (2 cups) all-purpose flour
2 whole large eggs
4 yolks from large eggs
1 tsp salt
Water, if necessary

Whole tomatoes
4-6 cloves garlic, whole
Basil, chopped
Olive Oil
Pecorino cheese, grated
Wine

I'm amazed that something so tasty could come from something so simple.

1. Get married and receive lots of cool wedding kitchen gifts like a pasta maker. 
2. Open a bottle of your tastiest red wine and get ready for some fun.
3. Roast the tomatoes and garlic in the oven at 425 F for 30-60 minutes until roasted to your liking.
4. I highly recommend reading the full Serious Eats article and the accompanying experimental pasta making article for a far better description of how everything should look than I will ever be able to give.
5. Pour flour into a large mound on a clean work surface. Make a large well in the center and fill it with the eggs, yolks, and salt. 
6. Beat the egg components together well with a fork. Then slowly combine with the flour until a sticky dough begins to form.
7. Use a bench knife to scrape excess dough and fold additional flour into the dough until a dry ball begins to form (2-5 minutes).
8. Knead the dough with the heel of your hand, rotating 45 degrees each time. Continue until the dough becomes smooth and elastic (about 5 minutes). If the dough is too wet, add extra flour 1 tsp at a time, or if it is too dry, lightly mist it with water.

   

   Our ball of pasta dough after Robin demonstrated her master kneading technique.

9. Tightly wrap the dough in plastic wrap and let sit for 30 minutes.
10. Cut the dough into 4 quarters, keeping unused portions wrapped until they are ready.
11. Roll the dough out onto lightly floured parchment paper into an oblong shape ~1/2 inch thick.
12. Place the pasta maker on its widest setting and pass the dough through 3 times.

    

    Pasta Maker!

13. Fold the ends of the dough in so they meet, then fold the dough in half at the point where they touch. Roll back to 1/2 inch thick and pass through at the widest setting again 3 times.

    

    Pretend you're making the tastiest but least exciting origami
14. Repeat the folding step, pass through the next smaller setting 3 times, and repeat as necessary until you reach the desired thickness (we stopped at setting 4). If the dough gets holes in it, just repeat the folding and run it through the setting again.
15. Repeat with the remaining quarters. Be sure to cover the stretched out pasta with parchment paper to prevent it from drying out. 

    

    Robin made the perfect looking noodle up top, while I made the special, lovable one below...

16. Pass the dough through a pasta cutter if desired. This cut pasta is much trickier to catch. Lightly dust the pasta with flour and roll into nests.

    

    Nests!

17. Boil in salted water with a touch of olive oil for 60-90 seconds.
18. Drain the pasta and serve with the roasted tomatoes, garlic, a drizzle of olive oil, basil, and cheese.
19. Refill wine glass as needed.

The finished product. It somehow tasted even better than it looks.

Everything about this meal perfectly transported us back to the complete and total utter bliss of the honeymoon. Making pasta by itself is a whole lot of fun. While there may be a lot of steps, none of them are all that complicated, and the results speak for themselves. The egg-packed noodles were full of flavor on their own and had an amazing texture. Robin's decision to top them with simple roasted tomatoes, garlic, basil, olive oil, and cheese (with Pecorino providing a nice bolder alternative to parmesan) instead of a complex sauce was truly inspired. The result was a light and refreshing dish that I could've spent the entire weekend eating. Our bottle of Silver Trident's Playing with Fire red blend was the perfect compliment to our pasta and made us even more excited for an anniversary to finally get here so we can travel back to Napa.

The perfect companion to our pasta- Silver Trident's Playing with Fire Red Wine Blend

Like I said, it was perfect. You can check at more at the amazing photographer's blog.

15 Minute Vegetarian Stroganoff

Following yet another Sunday of absurd food and alcohol (see Pumpkin Spice Cheesecake Muffins) and a conversation with my sister who had just watched Fed Up, I decided it was time to take some action if I had any hopes of hitting my goal of being in the best shape of my life when I turn 30 in less than 9 months (which, given my eating habits during my near constant work travel, is quite the optimistic goal). Step one involves cooking more (and better) for myself (and all you faithful readers who have surely felt like your lives were missing something vital lately), while step two includes finding the time and energy to work out a lot more than I have been. So begins the quest to get back in shape (thanks, stupid ACLs).

Vegetarian Stroganoff
Adapted from Amuse Your Bouche
Servings: 3
Time: 15 minutes

I was almost certain the pan would overflow

1 tbsp olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
4-6 cloves garlic, minced
12 oz baby bella mushrooms, sliced thin
1 package Gardein beefless tips
1/4-1/2 cup vegatable stock
1 tbsp smoked paprika
Black pepper to test
Red chili flakes to taste
salt to taste
Vegetarian Worcestershire sauce (Annie's has one)
3 tbsp reduced fat sour cream
Parsley (optional)
Noodles or rice

1. Saute the onion, garlic, mushrooms, and beefless tips in olive oil over medium heat for 5-10 minutes until softened.
2. Stir in the veggie stock, smoked paprika, black pepper, red chili flakes, salt and vegetarian Worcestershire sauce (normal has anchovies in it). Cook for an additional 5 minutes.
3. Mix in the sour cream and parsley when ready to serve. 
4. Scoop on top of rice or noodles and enjoy.
5. Spend more time writing the blog post than cooking the meal.

Properly cooked down goodness.

In order to begin my more frequent cooking quest, I was going to have to find something tasty and fast. This stroganoff seemed like just the ticket. In half the time it takes to watch a sitcom, I had a hearty, healthy meal ready to devour. The dish had a great hint of smokiness from the paprika and a little kick from the red chili flakes, but it had a few areas that needed improvement. I made the mistake of buying the mushrooms pre-sliced, which led to them being a little too thick and taking over a lot of bites. Additionally, the texture of the rice was less than ideal, and the dish would have greatly benefited from some slippery noodles. All-in-all, though, the dish was definitely worth the (lack of) effort and deserves a second test run with the new insight.

Check back tomorrow night as I attempt to hit a streak of three straight days of cooking with aloo gobi.

Labor Day Root Beer Pulled Pork or the Time I Learned to Use a Pressure Cooker

For Labor Day, I promised myself I would find the time and energy to get some quality cooking in. Thanks to rediscovering Final Fantasy VII and having spent the weekend being social with an old friend in town, this energy and effort was gonna have to be minimal, so slow cooking pulled pork seemed like the natural way to go. But when hunger (and Kevin) came calling, slow cooking just wouldn't suffice. We were gonna have to brave the feared pressure cooker.

Would we end up with melt in your mouth BBQ sandwiches, or would our day be ruined by something resembling baby food and a giant hole in my kitchen?

Root Beer Pulled Pork
Modified from Food Network
Time: 90 minutes
Servings: 8-10 sandwiches

Soon you will be delicious

Pulled Pork
3 lb pork tenderloin, cut into large pieces
1-2 tbsp salt
Ground black pepper
Red chili flakes
12-16 oz root beer (I used Barq's)
4 oz liquid smoke (I used mesquite)
1 small onion, diced
Whole garlic cloves
Oil for browning

Sauce and soda: together at last

Sauce
1 cup ketchup
1/4 cup Dijon mustard
1/2 cup molasses
1-2 tsp garlic powder
4-8 oz root beer
2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp liquid smoke
Ground pepper to taste
Salt to test
Cayenne pepper to taste

Fixins
Onions- regular or pickled, sliced
Pickles
Buns (I used these baguette buns)

The pork is so tender that you won't work up a sweat getting it this perfectly pulled.

The right bread is key.

1. Get really sad that you were lazy to start your day, and now won't be able to eat until 9 pm.
2. Have your cooking buddy come to your rescue by suggesting you try using a pressure cooker, and then trick him into buying one.
3. Learn how to use your pressure cooker so as not to have it explode. I highly recommend getting an electric one that does pretty much everything for you. There are several kinds of pressure cookers, so be sure you know how yours works.
4. Heat oil over medium-high heat, and use it to brown the pork and saute the onions until a nice color and crust start to form on the pork.
5. Add the pork, onions, red chili flakes, salt, pepper, liquid smoke, garlic and root beer to your pressure cooker (Note: levels of liquid required may vary by size of the pressure cooker but this worked well for our 6 quart one. Also, never start a pressure cooker without liquid).
6. Set your cooker to high pressure for 60 minutes (again be sure to follow whatever safety measures yours requires). When time has finished, allow the pressure to fully release before opening (I let it slow release for ~ 10 minutes then used the quick release valve to finish it off).
7. Remove the pork and pull apart with two forks. Reserve the remaining cooking juice.
8. Prepare the sauce by simmering all the ingredients together until smooth and all carbonation bubbles have been removed.
9. Prepare your sandwich by loading up a bun with pulled pork, onions, pickles, sauce and reserved cooking juice.
10. Bow before the awesome power of the pressure cooker.
11. Note: if you just want to do this with a slow cooker, let it cook covered over low heat for 8 hours and be careful not to let the anticipation build up to unsafe levels.

The sandwich would still be amazing bare bones like so.

Our first experience with a pressure cooker could not have gone better. We managed to cut the time down by 7 hours, while still getting unbelievably tender and juicy pulled pork (seriously this fell apart when you touched it). The pork itself had beautiful flavor with the liquid smoke really coming through to help mask the fact that we didn't spend 8 hours smoking it, and the root beer added some subtle sweetness and acidity. The chili flakes added a fun little kick and the pickles gave that vinegary smack that helps define a good pulled pork. My second try at the baguette buns was even more incredible than my first effort (see Banh Mi Burgers) as I generated a fantastic outer crust, but the pork was so good on its own that the bun isn't even required. The only real disappointment was the sauce, which came out like a fairly standard sweet BBQ sauce (which isn't to say it was bad, it just could have been better). I would highly recommend going to a more traditional heavy vinegar sauce for maximum enjoyment (or just smother on the pickled onions) and adding some more heat as well since that got lost once the full sandwich was assembled.

I'm a little disappointed that I didn't stack the pulled pork all the way to the heavens, but I was worried about dropping it on the ground.

Now if you'll excuse us, Kevin and I will spend the rest of the week plotting all the amazing things we're going to make with our newfound toy.

Three Ingredient Honey Mustard Pretzel Chicken

Turn this into a complete meal with sriracha Brussels sprouts

Weekends are supposed to be a time of extreme laziness. Recently, we got a little overzealous with our cooking exploits (see Brinner of the Gods, Cowboy Burgers and Sushi Saturday). I didn't want to risk overdoing it right before my Harry Potter vacation week, so I was quite excited when Buzzfeed posted a bunch of 3-Ingredient Recipes (plus I needed a break from knowing what TV character I am).

Would this simple chicken dish hit the spot, or would it further cement my predisposition for excess?

Honey Mustard Pretzel Chicken
From Cooking With Cakes
Servings: 8 chicken tenders
Time: 90 minutes (inactive for 60)

8 Chicken breast tenders
2 cups honey mustard pretzel pieces (mine were actually honey mustard and onion)
Lite honey mustard dressing
Salt and Pepper to taste

If you want to be a jerk about it, we will debate until the ends of time whether this counts as 3 or 5 ingredients.

1. Lightly season your tenders with salt and pepper.
2. Cover with honey mustard dressing and let marinate in the fridge for at least an hour.
3. Preheat your oven to 350 F.
4. Turn your pretzel pieces into bread crumbs by pulsing in a food processor. Spread out on a plate.
5. Shake off excess marinade from the tenders. Then coat them well with the pretzel crumbs.
6. Place the tenders on a greased wire rack and bake for 20 minutes. Broil for an additional 2-3 minutes to help make them crispier.
7. Serve with extra honey mustard dressing.

They look especially great before removing them from the wire rack you forgot to grease.

Honey mustard and onion pretzels just may be the greatest creation ever. Their unnatural yellow glow and breath destroying flavor make them impossible to resist, so surely they can only elevate any dish they are used in. My high hopes proved to not be unfounded, as these super easy chicken tenders were just about perfect. The chicken was cooked wonderfully, and the crunchy pretzel coating was a clear winner.  Even with additional honey mustard dressing for dipping, I just couldn't have enough of the sweetest yellow condiment around. My only regret was using up all the pretzels, destroying my future snacking hopes.

Dr. Pepper Braised Brisket Tacos

If not for the 10 hours worth of cooking time and my desire to be extremely lazy Saturday morning (read: I didn't want to put on pants to go to the store), this would have been my 200th post. I continued my weekend of delicious cooking with what was quite possibly the best slow cooker recipe I have ever tasted.  At last, I was able to combine my love of Dr. Pepper with my love of meat in one beautiful, tacoey union.

To me, you are perfect.

Dr. Pepper Braised Brisket Tacos
Adapted from Cooking Haven
Servings: 15+ tacos
Time: 10 hours (in a slow cooker for 9 of those)

Aye, there's the rub.

3 lbs beef brisket
1 tbsp paprika
1 tbsp dried chipotle powder
1 tbsp cumin
1tbsp salt
2 tsp black pepper
2 1/2 tsp garlic powder
3 tbsp canola oil
16 oz Dr. Pepper (I used fancy Dublin ones)
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
3 tbsp molasses
2/3 onion, diced
1 14 oz can diced tomatoes (I used fire-roasted)
1/2 cup jalapeno pepper jelly
2-4 cups beef stock, as necessary
Tortillas
Jalapenos, sliced
Avocado, sliced
Cilantro
Pickled onions (see recipe below)
Salsa

Silly brisket, you can't escape.

1. Make your rub by mixing the paprika, chipotle powder, cumin, salt, black pepper and garlic powder together in a bowl. Apply the rub generously to both sides of the brisket.
2. Get oil in a skillet hot over medium heat. Once hot, sear the brisket for about 4-5 minutes per side until it starts to brown. Remove.
3. Mix the Dr. Pepper, vinegar, molasses, diced onions, tomatoes and pepper jelly well in a slow cooker. Add the brisket in and top with beef stock until just submerged.
4. Cook covered on low for 8-9 hours.
5. Spend your day being incredibly lazy to make up for the 30 minutes of effort you just put in.
6. Remove the brisket from the liquid and let cool. Once cooled enough, pull with two forks.
7. Transfer the liquid to a pot and reduce over medium-high heat to about half the volume. You're gonna have plenty of time to do this because it takes a while to pull all that brisket.
8. Recombine the reduced liquid with the pulled brisket and warm over medium-low heat.
9. Use a slotted spoon to serve the brisket and remove excess liquid (it's still going to be ridiculously juicy and worthy of 3+ napkins). Fill tortillas with the brisket and top with jalapenos, avocado, cilantro, pickled onions and salsa.
10. Sit and eat in silence aside from "mmm" because everyone is busy stuffing their faces and calculating how much they could eat without feeling shame.

Fancy camera captures the awesome fresh out of the slow cooker steaming brisket.

Originally, this recipe called for root beer, but I have a special place in my heart for Dr. Pepper. Back in college, I used to keep a case of it in my room at all times (and I kept my room at 50 degrees, so I wouldn't have to refrigerate it because we were going to get the most out of our tuition paying the dorm's power bills). I don't often find myself drinking soda anymore, but I make time every now and then for Dr. Pepper (especially if it's the pure cane sugar Dublin variety in a fancy glass bottle).

Kevin's pulling skills are unmatched. Plus, it's a great forearm workout. 

The brisket itself smelled and looked excellent. It had that distinct brisket flavor that makes it the state meat of Texas, but it really excelled when it made its most joyous reunion with the reduced Dr. Pepper braising liquid. The chipotle powder infused rub, fire roasted tomatoes and molasses helped reconcile the brisket's BBQ origins with its current Tex-Mex use.

HEB fresh made tortillas are the way to go if you're in Texas.

The absolutely succulent Dr. Pepper brisket was the perfect taco filling. Its unbelievable melt in your mouth tenderness was kicked up even further with the creamy avocado, crunchy and spicy jalapeno and the perfectly pickled onions to make one of the greatest tacos I have ever eaten (and after 6 years of living in Texas, that's saying something). Nancy, Kevin and I sat at the table stuffed and contemplating justification for another. Fortunately, we all managed to stop at 3.

You can see how juicy it is. Note: your plate and hands will be covered by the time you're done savoring each and every bite.

Pickled Onions

Adapted from Inspired Taste

Servings: 2 onions worth (so a lot)

Time: 1 hour (inactive for 50 minutes)

2 red onions

1 cup apple cider vinegar

1/2 cup lime juice

1/4 cup sugar

1 tbsp salt

Boring, unassuming red onions just waiting to be brined.

1. Slice your onions into thin strips and place in a bowl or pot with handles.
2. Bring a separate pot of water to a boil.
3. Cover the onions in boiling water for 10 seconds then drain into a colander and set aside in another bowl.
4. Heat the apple cider vinegar, lime juice, sugar and salt together until dissolved. 
5. Brine the onions in the acidic mix and let come to room temperature. 
6. Strain and serve. You should reserve the brine if you want to store for later use.

Pickled red onions turn such a pretty color.

I spent about as much time searching for pickled onions at the store as I did making them. Pickling is an incredibly easy process that produced quick, vibrant results. Note: only use these pickled onions with your tacos. By themselves, they are far too vinegary, but that aspect of them works quite well with the brisket.

From pickling onions to finding the greatest use for Dr. Pepper ever, it was an incredibly productive yet also lazy (thanks slow cooker!) Sunday. It was the perfect finish to a fantastic weekend of tasty adventures.

Adobo-Glazed Mini Turkey Meat Loaves and Garlic Cauliflower "Mashed Potatoes"

Recently, I've been trying to make a week's worth of meals at a time in an effort to eat healthier and cheaper (and so I can be super lazy once I get home because wearing pants is a sucker's game). After several, somewhat underwhelming attempts at crock pottery (I could've made a better stew on the stove in 1/4 of the time!), I decided to regroup and go for standard, less liquidy dinner-fare.

I stumbled across this mini turkey loaf recipe and was instantly transported back to an episode of the now cancelled Food Network show 24 Hour Restaurant Battle where the contestant made a meat loaf "cupcake" with mashed potato frosting as his signature dish. At last, I thought I could finally combine my loves of meat and cupcakes, but it was sadly not meant to be. This may have been one tasty and healthy dish, but it sure wasn't nearly as pretty as I imagined.

Adobo Glazed Turkey Meat Loaf
Adapted from Self.com
Servings: 12-14 loaves
Time: 1 hour

Mmm, raw meat bowl!

Loaves
1 slice wheat bread, cut into 1/2" pieces
1/4 cup unsweetened soy milk
Olive Oil
1/2 onion, chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 head broccoli, chopped finely
1 green bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1 red bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1 1/4 lbs ground turkey
1/2 cup frozen peas
2 egg whites
4 1/2 tsp tomato paste

Must not type Adobe...

4 1/2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp dry mustard
1/2 tsp chili powder

Glaze
3 tbsp tomato paste
2 tbsp adobo sauce
1 generous squirt of Sriracha
2 tsp honey
3 tbsp chicken broth
Juice of 1/2 lime
1/4 tsp salt

Haha, it thinks it's muffins!!

1. Preheat your oven to 350 F.
2. Soak the bread in the soymilk for 10 minutes.
3. Sautée the onion and garlic in olive oil over medium heat until soft and translucent (about 6-8 minutes). Put in a large bowl.
4. Sautée the broccoli and peppers in olive oil over medium heat until the peppers soften and the broccoli begins to brown. Add to the large bowl. 
5. Realize that after countless recipes involving it, you still don't know how to properly spell broccoli (It should be brocolli, dammit!).
6. Add the soaked bread and remaining loaf ingredients to the large bowl and mix well.
7. Scoop ~ 1/3 cup of the loaf mixture into non-stick muffin tins. Pack well.
8. Bake for 10 minutes.
9. While the loaves are baking, make the glaze by whisking all of the ingredients together in a bowl until smooth. If you can't find adobo sauce by itself, you can usually find canned chipotle peppers packed in it in the Mexican food section.
10. Brush each of the loaves with about 1 tbsp of the glaze and continue cooking for 15-20 more minutes (or until the internal temp reaches 160 F).
11. Get absolutely disgusted at how all the juices flowed out onto the muffin tin.
12. Let cool and remove from the tin.
13. Use about 2 loaves for one nice dinner serving or 1 for a light lunch.

This super packed inside is just as pretty as the outside...

Flavor-wise, these mini turkey loaves were a great entree for my week's worth of healthy dinners. The sauteed veggie filling really brings a lot to the dish, and the adobo glaze has a great honey chipotle quality to it for some sweetness and a little kick. It was also great having perfectly portioned pieces ready to go. Unfortunately, there was one major downfall to this dish, and that was its less than beautiful appearance. The juices from the turkey tend to come out during cooking and pool up in a less than flattering way. Just make sure to drain it well, and no one has to know. Fortunately, these mini meals only tasted better as the week went on, so it was well worth the aesthetic failure.

Garlic Cauliflower "Mashed Potatoes"

Adapted from Food Network

Servings: 4

Time: 30 minutes

Can you feel the excitement?

1 head cauliflower, chopped

1 tbsp cream cheese, softened

1/4 cup grated Parmesan 

4 cloves garlic, minced

1 tbsp chicken broth

Splash of soy milk

1 sprig of rosemary

Ground black pepper, to taste

Salt, to taste

1 tbsp unsalted butter

1. Bring a large pot of water to boil over high heat.
2. Boil the cauliflower for 6-10 minutes or until well done.
3. Drain well and pat the cauliflower dry between layers of paper towels. Do not let cool.
4. Puree the boiled cauliflower, cream cheese, Parmesan, garlic, chicken broth, soy milk, salt, pepper, and rosemary together in a food processor until your desired mashed consistency is reached.
5. Mix in a tbsp butter and enjoy.
6. Get upset that neither your cauliflower mashed potatoes nor your turkey loaves are pretty enough to create a glorious meat cupcake.

Perfectly camouflaged "taters"

These cauliflower mashed potatoes were a good approximation of the real thing, but they couldn't quite reach the heights of your standard, amazing potato variety. The rosemary and garlic were nice touches to add some strong flavor, and the cream cheese and parmesan added a nice creaminess. But no matter, how hard I tried, I still knew I was having cauliflower (which I do like). I enjoyed this cross-veggie creation, but I think it could have been a lot better had I used a food processor instead of attempting to use a blender poorly for a smoother consistency (and that will be key for proper pipable meat cupcake frosting texture).

All in all, I was extremely happy with this foray out of my usual dinner cooking box. Aside from chopping, there wasn't a lot of effort involved, and it provided me with several days' worth of healthy meals that only tasted better as the flavors had more time to meld. Plus, there are plenty of options for repurposing the mini loaves later in the week for variety like sandwiches or meatballs in pasta or soup.

Alas, my quest for the meat cupcake continues...

Once Upon a Time in Laura's Kitchen: Puerco (and Veggie) Pibil

Back in my young and impressionable college days, there was always one person I could count on to stock me up with free candy and pop culture, Laura the RA. Her guacamole was the stuff of legend, and her impressive DVD collection rivaled my own. In the 7 years since I finished college, she may have moved on from her RAdom, but she hasn't stopped buying our friendship with food and booze. This past weekend, she let me in on her most famous meal- Puerco Pibil a la Once Upon a Time in Mexico (a meal so good that Johnny Depp's character killed the chef who made the most perfect version of it ever).

Was Laura just using me to make the massive amounts of prep manageable? Would I be attacked by surprise banana leaf spiders? Could I butcher 5 lbs of raw pork butt without getting completely grossed out? or Would I have a delightful day of cooking, eating and Cards Against Humanity?

Puerco (or Arroz or Veggie) Pibil
From Once Upon a Time in Mexico
Servings: 8-10 (per type)
Time: 6+ hours (4 inactive)

Oh so many spices in one now destroyed coffee grinder

5 tbsp achiote seeds
2 tsp cumin seeds
8 whole allspice
1 tbsp whole black pepper
1/2 tsp cloves
3-4 habanero peppers (deveined and deseeded with gloves)
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup white vinegar
2 tbsp salt
10 garlic cloves
Juice of 5 lemons
2-3 splashes of good tequila
5 lbs pork butt or chicken breast, cut into 1-2" cubes
or assorted veggies (parsnips, purple potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots and mushrooms), chopped
Banana leaves, rinsed with the stems cut off.
Tortillas and/or rice

My aversion to touching raw meat, Laura's dull knives and 5 lbs of bone-in pork butt were about to put my butchering skills to the test.

Watch for spiders!

Pretty veggies!

1. Put on awesome Mexican music.
2. Preheat the oven to 325 F.
3. Grind the achiote seeds, cumin, allspice, whole black pepper and cloves together in a coffee grinder (and then never use for coffee again).
4. Combine the habanero peppers, orange juice, vinegar, salt, garlic with the ground spice mix in a blender until very smooth.
5. Add in the lemon juice and tequila (you can keep adding more to balance out the spice).
6. Start hating your friend Laura for her poor knives while attempting to butcher the meat and/or veggies.
7. Marinade the meat and/or veggies in large bowls for at least half an hour.
8. Cover the bottom of a 9"x13" glass baking pan with a banana leaf. Place another, extra long banana leaf going across the width of the pan (it should probably be about three times the width of the pan so you can later fold it over (like you would a letter). 
9. Pour the meat or veggies on top of the banana leaves. Fold the leaves over to cover.
10. Wrap tightly in aluminum foil so no steam can escape then cook for at least 4 hours.
11. Lazily lay on the couch and let the amazing smell take over your house while you try to fight the pibil-lust and successfully wait the 4 hours.
12. Spoon the amazingly tender, seasoned goodness on top of tortillas or rice and enjoy.

I've gotta admit, a little part of me that believes in a magic was really hoping I'd find whole bananas had grown when I opened it up.

Getting this dish to the oven may have taken a lot of hard work, but it was absolutely worth it. The finished product was perfection. Opening up those banana leaves was like Christmas for our senses of smell. The pork and chicken were masterfully spiced and beautifully tender. Whether on rice or inside of a warm tortilla, you couldn't go wrong.

Get in close to really smell the awesome.

The real surprise, though, might have been that the veggies were actually the best part. They drank up the spicy tequila mix much like our former college selves, and became super soft and tasty (special props to the potato members of the dish). Ideally, I'd say the best way to go about this meal would be to make two batches of the marinade, one for the pork and one for the veggies. My third and final taco (I would've had at least 12 if not for saving room for dessert) consisted of a pork and veggie combo that was far and away the best of the night.  Waiting paid off in the end as we were treated to a truly great dinner. In the future, I'd definitely like to fully test my patience by letting these cook for an entire day and then seeing if the taste-time continuum folded in on itself from becoming super saturated with deliciousness.

Notice the lack of juice because these awesome veggies absorbed all that amazing flavor (they really love tequila).

Stay tuned for the conclusion of Once Upon a Time in Laura's Kitchen: Amaretto Lime Tres Leches.