Guest Post: Petit Fours

This was Terry's last week in Los Angeles, and what better way to see him off then with some tiny little cakes?  I have never been to the South so the petit four was quite a mystery to me, but in the end I am totally sold.  They are moist little sugar bombs that don't require sharing.  What could be better than that?  Besides Terry staying in Los Angeles, of course.

Sponge Cake
Adapted from Taste of Home (We doubled the recipe because we love cake that much)
Servings:  One 9x13 cake

It is quite the lovely, fluffy batter!

Time:  20 minutes prep, 40 minutes baking
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
2 cups granulated sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
2-2/3 cups all purpose flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1-1/3 cup whole milk
6 egg whites, room temperature

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F
2. Grease a 9x13 pan, line the pan with parchment paper, and then grease the parchment paper
3. Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl and whisk to combine
4. Cream the butter, shortening, and sugar with the paddle attachment of a stand mixer - be sure to scrape down the sides of the bowl periodically
5. Beat the vanilla and almond extracts into the creamed butter/sugar mixture
6. Alternate adding the dry and wet mixture at low speed being careful not to overmix (1/3 dry -> 1/2 wet -> 1/3 dry -> 1/2 wet > 1/3 dry)
7. In a separate bowl, beat the egg whites until soft peaks form 
8. Very carefully fold the fluffy egg whites into cake batter - don't worry about getting all of the egg whites incorporated, it is better to leave streaks of egg white than to overwork and deflate the batter that you worked so hard to make
9. Gently pour the cake batter into the pan and bake for about 40 minutes (the original recipe is for a 9x9 pan, so doubling the batter but not doubling the pan size resulted in a thick cake that took forever to bake - when it comes to making the cake, I would start checking the cake around 30 minutes and then use your best judgement, aka toothpick, to decide when to take it out)
10. When the cake is done, let it cool in the pan on a cooling rack for about 20 minutes, then remove the cake from the pan and let it cool to completion - easier said than done, as seen below

These are some amazing soft peaks,
thanks to Courtney and her impressive muscles

Remember what I said about that parchment paper?  Well, Terry and I didn't think to use it and this is what happened.  Luckily we were able to carve out quite a few squares for the petite fours.  The cake is very moist and light and it almost has the texture (and stickiness) of angel food cake.  Everyone kept eating the leftover sponge cake while waiting for the petite fours to be finished.  But things were about to get even tastier...

Almond Glaze:
Time:  10 minutes

1 pound confectioner's sugar, sifted

1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon water (or milk if you want a creamier glaze)

1-1/2 teaspoons almond extract

1. In a large bowl, combine all glaze ingredients - try not to think about the pound of sugar
2. Blend until smooth
3. When the cakes are cool, spoon the glaze over the cakes until the top and sides are all covered by delicious, sugary glaze (and if you really love sugar, you can go back for round 2 and give them a second dose of glaze)
4. Let the glaze harden and dry on the cakes, about 20 minutes

Orange Glaze:  (who doesn't like choices, especially ones that smell like creamsicles?)

Time:  10 minutes

1 pound confectioner's sugar, sifted - yes, we used 2 pounds of sugar for the glaze and we still weren't done!

1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon water (or milk if you want a creamier glaze)

2 teaspoons orange extract

1. Do the same thing as for the almond extract, except get ready for some orange

Who needs energy drinks when you can just pop a few of
these sugar landen cuties?

Buttercream Frosting:
Time:  10 minutes

6 tablespoons butter, softened

2 tablespoons shortening

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

2-1/2 cups confectioner's sugar (now we are done with the sugar, I promise)

Gel food coloring - we went with pink and blue - is someone expecting a baby??

1. In the bowl of a stand mixer using the paddle attachment, mix the butter, shortening, and vanilla, scraping down the bowl as necessary
2. Carefully add the sugar (and enjoy the break from sifting you get for this round)
3. Split the frosting evenly among two cups (for two colors), add a few drops of food coloring, blend, and smile as you imagine turning everyone's teeth blue and pink
4. Put the cups of frosting back into the refrigerator until ready to use

Xiaoming helped decorate some of them, and this petit four
is loving topped with a goldfish - can you see it?

While each step of the process is straightforward, the whole thing takes about 2 hours from start to finished product (of course, both Terry and I lack basic decorating skills).  But the time is definitely worth it, especially if you have someone as awesome as Terry to bake these little cakes with.  Now it's time for me to stuff myself with the delicate cakes in an attempt to console myself over Terry's leaving.  I think it will work.

We bake together, we die together.  Bad Bakers For Life!

Programming Note: The Texas Odyssey Part II

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, faithful readers. I'm getting ready to move back to Texas, so please enjoy the guest writing stylings of my baking partner Jenny!

"Blue" Velvet Cupcakes with Blackberry Curd & Limoncello Frosting

This weekend was the ever wonderful Maconda's bridal shower. Since Kevin and I are quite proud of our big "sister" and excited for her impending nuptials (you'd be excited too if you had my sweet dance moves), we decided to pitch in and help with the catering to make her evening special and delicious. While Kevin prepared a lovely crab and corn chowder, I decided to make something far more manly: cupcakes. I tapped into the vast stores of baking knowledge Jenny has imparted in me and made some incredible blue green velvet cupcakes filled with blackberry curd and topped with a limoncello cream cheese frosting.

"Blue" Velvet Cupcakes
Adapted From Alton Brown's Red Velvet Cake
Servings: 24 cupcakes
Time: 45 minutes

The wet mixture is crazy blue.

5 1/2 oz all-purpose flour
4 oz cake flour
1/2 oz cocoa 
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 cup buttermilk, room temp
1 tbsp blue gel food coloring
Few drops of red food coloring
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1 tsp vanilla extract
10 1/2 oz dark brown sugar
4 oz unsalted butter,  room temp
2 eggs, room temp
Blackberry Curd (see later)
Limoncello Cream Cheese Frosting (see later)

Either I'm quite color blind or something weird happened.

1. Preheat the oven to 350.
2. Whisk the flours, cocoa, salt and baking soda together in a large bowl.
3. Whisk the buttermilk, food coloring, vinegar and vanilla together in a separate bowl.
4. Cream the butter and brown sugar together with a mixer until light and fluffy. Be sure to scrape down the sides of the bowl.
5. Mix in the eggs one at a time until full incorporated.
6. Alternate adding in the dry and wet mixture at low speed (be careful not to overmix).  1/3 dry -> 1/2 wet -> 1/3 dry -> 1/2 wet -> 1/3 dry.
7. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until the toothpick test comes out clean. Make sure to rotate (and switch racks if using 2) halfway through. 
8. Let cool on a wire rack.
9. Once cool, use an apple corer to cut out a hole in the top and fill with the curd. 
10. Top with frosting.

Sadly, baking did not cause them to magically revert back to blue.

The cakes themselves aren't overly chocolatey, but they were among the best velvet cupcakes I have had. They reminded me of cookies and cream ice cream, which is a very good thing. I chose blue velvet because the shower had a blue theme to it. Little did I know, blue is apparently the hardest color to make, and my mixture went from neon smurf to a dark green (hey, it's the thought that counts). The coloring issues probably stemmed from the lack of food coloring options available at the store. Typically, blue velvet is made with a tablespoon of royal blue gel and a tiny bit of violet, but all I could find was normal blue.

Blackberry Curd
From Cupcake Wars
Servings: 24 cupcake fillings
Time: 20 minutes (plus cooling)

1 quart blackberries
1/4 cup water
2 tbsp all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1-2 eggs
1 egg yolk
2 tbsp unsalted butter

1. Combine the blackberries and water in a pot and simmer until the blackberries start to easily come apart.
2. Pour the mixture through a strainer and press the blackberries to release the rest of the juice.
3. Mix the sugar and flour in a separate, clean pot.
4. Slowly pour in the juice while whisking constantly until fully incorporated
5. Add the eggs and egg yolks while whisking over medium-low heat until the mixture begins to thicken.
6. Once the curd has formed (about 7 minutes), remove from heat and stir in the butter.
7. Cool it in the fridge.

We need to find a new word for "curd" because curd just doesn't sound appetizing.

If you've read my previous cupcake posts, you know I'm a firm believer that every cupcake should have a filling or glaze to make it more exciting. This curd helped ratchet up the flavor and add a nice hint of tartness (and neat color). It also was great for dying the wooden spoon, several pots and some unimportant clothing.

Limoncello Cream Cheese Frosting

Modified From Brown Eyed Baker

Servings: 24+ cupcakes

Time: 5 minutes

1 stick of unsalted butter, room temp

16 oz cream cheese

6 tbsp limoncello

2 cups powdered sugar

When making cupcakes in Texas (or when you have my horrible piping technique), you need a frosting gun.

1. Cream the butter and cream cheese together in a mixer until fluffy.
2. Mix in the limoncello.
3. Add in the powdered sugar one cup at a time.

Much prettier than my usual frosting.

Since I was baking for a bridal shower, I thought the ladies would appreciate a boozy cupcake. Jenny and I had previously made this frosting for some amazing lemon-blueberry cupcakes, so I was confident it would be delicious. It really stands out from typical cream cheese frosting, and the lemon provides a nice little finish that doesn't overpower.

Fancied up with some gold dusting and put on display (a technique also known as: how one pays for college)

There was a lot going on in these cupcakes, so I was pretty worried about how they'd turn out. I knew the lemon and blackberry would pair well together, but I had no clue how they'd mesh with the velvet cake. In the end, these turned out to be among my favorite cupcakes ever.  The three components work together to provide a truly unique experience. Traditional red velvet has been done to death (Don't even think of giving Florian one on Cupcake Wars), so these are a fantastic way to put a new spin on an old crowd pleaser for any party. Judging by the disappearing act the cupcakes had pulled when I showed up later, I would say they were a success (or the ladies got rowdy and started throwing them at things).

I have a feeling most of my friends wouldn't mind if I gave cupcakes in lieu of a real gift.

Roasted Poblano Bisque

Thursday night we had a little dinner party at Kevin's. He was grilling some steaks, so I decided to make a starter to go along with it. Earlier this month, we went to restaurant week at Del Frisco's where we discovered this amazing combination, and I've been looking for an chance to recreate it. Really, I just always want an excuse to have roasted peppers.

Roasted Poblano Bisque
Modified From The Seasoned Fork
Servings: 5
Time: 45 minutes

2 poblano peppers, roasted and seeded
3 shallots, chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
Butter
2 cups veggie broth
1-2 potatoes, chopped and peeled
1/4 cup cream
Salt to taste
Cilantro for garnish
Tortilla chips for garnish
Sour cream or Crema Fresca

1. Roast your peppers (see tutorial at the end of the post).
2. Boil the potatoes until soft (about 10 minutes).
3. Sauté the shallots and garlic in butter until fragrant and tender.
4. Puree the peppers, shallots, garlic, veggie broth, salt  and one potato in a blender. You can vary the thickness by adding more potato or veggie broth.
5. Heat up on a stove. When almost ready to serve, stir in the cream.
6. Plate with a dollop of sour cream, cilantro and tortilla chips.

This was the perfect way to start out the feast. The roasted poblanos really come through in the bisque adding incredible flavor and a wonderfully spicy kick. For a bisque, it was not heavy, so it lent itself well to setting up the rest of the dinner.  My only regret is that I couldn't find colorful tortilla strips for even prettier plating.

It also makes a great dip for chips and sauce for ridiculously large omelets. (Omelet courtesy of Kevin) 

Additional (and slightly less vegetarian) Highlights of the Dinner:

I'm still not sure we had thick enough steak. (Steak marinaded in oil, lemon pepper and garlic)

Tasty garlic knots courtesy of Alexis.

My body has been in green thingy withdrawal, so I decided we needed asparagus.  (Sprinkle on lemon pepper, olive oil and balsamic)

How to Roast Peppers:

Place the peppers over a flame on a grill or on a gas stove. The crackling noise means it's working!

Let them go until the skin turns black then turn.

Place them in a tightly closed paper bag (or aluminum foil) to sweat for 15 minutes. Then peel off the charred layer, and remove the seeds and stem.

Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie

Since our first pie was the envy of all other pies, Robin and I decided to give it another go. She was able to set aside her hatred of strawberry-rhubarb pie (a warranted distaste for it based on having had one bite 6 years ago), so that we could make my favorite pie this time. For my birthday one year, Robin got me one of these amazing pies from House of Pies, which I then ate entirely by myself because college was a wonderful time of high metabolisms. This time, I was determined to ignore my gluttonous tendencies and share it with others (a true test of everything they taught us in Kindergarten).

Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie
Adapted From Food Network
Servings: 1 pie
Time: 150 minutes

Shockingly, Robin thought sugar coated fruit tasted sweet.

1 Crust Recipe
3 cups strawberries, de-stemmed and halved
2 1/2 cups rhubarb, chopped
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 tbsp minute tapioca
1 tbsp all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp lemon zest
1/2 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 tbsp butter, cubed small
1 egg white beaten with 1 tsp water
Coarse sugar
Vanilla ice cream

Our crust. The top reminds me of Boo from Super Mario World.

This assembles much easier than the lattice.

1. Make the crust dough according to the recipe from the link provided. Helpful hint: roll out the dough between two sheets of parchment paper for the best results. 
2. Preheat the oven to 425.
3. Combine the strawberries, rhubarb, sugar, tapioca, flour, cinnamon, lemon and vanilla together in a large bowl. Mix well to evenly coat.
4. Lay one piece of dough over the pie plate. Add in the filling and dot with butter. Then cover with a second sheet of dough. Make sure you cut holes into the top for ventilation.
5. Brush the crust with your egg wash and sprinkle on the sugar.
6. Collar the ends with aluminum foil to help prevent them from burning then bake for 15 minutes.
7. Lower the temperature to 375 and bake for another 40-50 minutes until the filling starts to bubble.
8. Remove from the oven to cool then serve with a healthy scoop of vanilla ice cream.

We really need to get proper pie cutting utensils.

Warm strawberry-rhubarb pie cut with some melty vanilla ice cream is a true thing of beauty. That first bite into the gooey deliciousness made all my worries disappear. This pie was absolutely incredible, but could use a few minor improvements. The filling came out a little liquidy (which has since been remedied with a day in the fridge) and had a tiny bit too much lemon. Also, it wasn't quite tart enough, so I would try for a more even ratio of strawberry to rhubarb next time.  One interesting thing I found is that the pie actually seems to have gotten better the second day, probably since the flavors have had some more time to come together.

What a happy looking pie. I almost feel bad eating it. Almost.

Additionally, the crust came out even better than last time, and the parchment paper rolling made it a lot easier to make. In the overall pie war, however, I think the cherry pie (for once) actually wins out as far as flavor goes, but the strawberry-rhubarb is a close second (and would definitely win with the previously mentioned fixes).

I'd say we're just a few pies and a detective agency away from being able to open our own quirky pie diner.

I'm quite happy with our first two attempts at pie. Now that we've conquered fruit pies, I think we can focus our efforts on the strange world of chocolate pies and making the world's tallest meringue (mostly I just want an awesome picture of giant meringue).

Editor's Note: Immediately after posting this, I ate a piece of pie, and it was delightful.

The Ultimate Brinner: Granola French Toast with Chocolate Covered Bacon

I realized today that I hadn't had brinner since I got to Texas. Normally I don't go more than a week between brinners, so this had to be corrected post-haste. I had a craving for bacon and wanted to make it special, so chocolate seemed like a natural choice.  To keep with the crunch theme, I decided to make my go-to granola French toast.

Granola French Toast
Servings: 4 pieces of toast
Time: 15 minutes

2 eggs
1/4 cup milk or cream
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/3 tsp almond extract
Pinch of salt
Pinch of sugar
4 slices of thick bread
Granola
Maple syrup
Strawberries

1. Whisk the eggs, milk, vanilla extract, almond extract, salt and sugar together in a bowl. 
2. Dip your bread slices into the mixture (about 2 seconds per side). Let excess drip off.
3. Press one side of the bread into the granola spread out on a plate.
4. Toast the bread over medium heat in a lightly greased pan starting with the plain side down. Use your spatula to press the granola into the bread. Let cook until lightly browned (about 2 minutes) and repeat for the other side.
5. Top with syrup and strawberries (and maybe a little powdered sugar to boost the sweetness) and serve.

This meal gets a D... for Delightful (I promise you one bad joke per entry).

This is one of my favorite French toast recipes thanks to the crunchy granola making it interesting. As with most things, I really like the hint of almond extract in the background (if you use Whole Foods granola you can skip this since they put it in their granola). The strawberry is also a perfect companion to the french toast that almost makes the syrup unnecessary. My only complaint about this was that my French toast wasn't thick enough, which really just meant I was forced to eat more slices.

Chocolate Covered Bacon

Time: 1 hour

Bacon

Cayenne pepper

Milk chocolate

Why did I not try this sooner?

1. Preheat the oven to 375.
2. Sprinkle the cayenne pepper on one side of the bacon
3. Lay the strips of bacon on a baking sheet coated with aluminum foil and bake for 20-25 minutes making sure to turn once halfway. Note: go the full 25 for crunchy and 20 for chewy bacon. Be careful not to make it too crispy or the bacon will snap in the chocolate. 
4. Remove excess bacon grease with paper towels.
5. Melt milk chocolate using a double boiler or in the microwave. To do this in the microwave and avoid burning the chocolate, heat for 30 seconds at a time on MEDIUM power until it melts.
6. Dip half of the bacon in the melted chocolate. Wipe excess chocolate off on the side of the bowl.
7. Refrigerate the bacon on a plate lined with parchment paper for half an hour so the chocolate can set. 

If I could find a way to incorporate beer into the recipe, it'd have all the world's greatest things.

This is pretty much the ultimate in sweet and savory combinations. I was a little worried about eating cold bacon, but it still tasted fantastic (really how can bacon not be incredible?) and actually helped make it more crispy. Next time, I'll be sure to add more cayenne to help it pop more. I might even have to coat the entire piece of bacon in chocolate next time because I was always sad to see the glorious coat end. This was a fabulous side for the French toast, and the chocolate left behind was a great and only mildly decadent dipping "sauce" for the toast (because honestly syrup and strawberries weren't decaying my teeth enough).  Fun fact: I discovered that 8 pieces of chocolate covered bacon is my limit before I feel gross and start to regret my life decisions.

Saints Kick Off Special: Red Beans & Rice with Sweet Cornbread

There are two things that New Orleans prides itself in the most: its food and its Saints (ok and its ability to party, but that should come with some shame too). As a lifelong Saints fan, I've suffered through a lot of bad teams, but it's been incredible seeing them actually win these past few years. Watching them, however, probably removes a year from my life each game. I nervously pace and eat constantly and will only drink Louisiana beer (Abita to be specific). Back in college, I used to go all out and spend ridiculous sums of money at Buffalo Wild Wings each time they were on TV. Now that I know how to cook, I try to appease the football gods by making a bounty of New Orleans food. For this year's season opener, I went with the always delightful red beans and rice with some sweet cornbread.

Trust me. You don't want to pass on this dish (Oh yeah, I went to bad pun land).

Red Beans & Rice
Adapted from Camellia's Recipe
Servings: 6-8
Time: 4 hours

Don't forget to soak the beans.

1 lb red kidney beans
6 cups of water
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 onion, chopped
12 oz andouille sausage, sliced
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tbsp olive oil
1 bay leaf
Salt and pepper to taste
Tabasco
Medium or long grain rice

Progression of the beans. You want to make sure the beans cream so you don't end up with soup.

1. Rinse and soak the beans overnight in an excess of water. Leave plenty of room because they will swell to about double in size.
2. Drain the water and add the beans to a large pot with 6 cups of water. Warm it at low heat.
3. Sauté the onion, bell pepper, garlic and sausage in 1 tbsp of olive oil until the onion becomes translucent. Add the mixture to the beans along with a bay leaf. Be sure to stir occasionally.
4. Let the beans cook covered on low heat for at least 2 hours. If they beans aren't creaming, add a little olive oil and raise the temperature to bring the mixture to a soft simmer uncovered. Stir frequently to prevent it from burning.
5. Once the beans have creamed and any excess water has been evaporated, season with salt, pepper and lots of tabasco.
6. Remove the bay leaf and serve over rice.

Red beans and rice is an amazing dish that's almost impossible to screw up and ridiculously cheap (seriously you can make both of these large recipes for a combined $10-$15). As soon as I started cooking the veggies and sausage, the apartment smelled just like back home and all the effort was immediately worth it. I may have even performed a small dance in the kitchen once the beans creamed and I tasted them. The andouille sausage and tabasco really bring it home to make a dish I'd proudly serve to any member of the Who Dat Nation (seriously, Drew Brees, call me and I'll make you some).

Sweet Cornbread
From Allrecipes.com
Servings: 12

Mmm batter...

Time: 35 minutes

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup yellow cornmeal
2/3 cup sugar
1 tsp salt
3 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 egg
1 cup milk
1/3 cup vegetable oil

1. Preheat the oven to 400.
2. Mix together the ingredients in a bowl. Pour into a lightly greased baking pan.
3. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean.

A nice golden brown

This was my first time actually making cornbread, and I'm glad I decided to do it. It took only the slightest bit more effort than making it from a box, and the results weren't even close. This cornbread had the perfect consistency, and the sweetness really made it an welcome addition to the meal. I highly recommend crumbling it up and mixing it with your beans.

The incredible sweet cornbread went quickly.

As usual, the game was a nail-biter. I probably clocked at least 2 miles worth of pacing (as the path I formed on my friend Jim's carpet can attest to) and ate at least four bowls of red beans and rice (One for each quarter. We're superstitious in New Orleans). Hopefully, those two activities cancelled each other out, but I'm guessing by how disgustingly full I feel that they didn't. Oh well, next time I think I'll try to bake some Black and Gold cupcakes.

The man is friends with the Carlton Banks! What more do you need to convince you to be a Saints fan?

Special note for vegetarians: If you make this with veggie sausage, you'll find that the beans have trouble creaming. My guess is that the fat in the real sausage is essential to helping this process along. To remedy this, you should add a few tablespoons of olive oil.

The single greatest play in Saints history. I've only watched this 5,000 times.

Whoopie Pies: The Closest I've Come to Rick Moranis's Opus

Ever since I was a kid, I've had one goal in life: to have a genius scientist shrink me so I can feast on a giant cookie sandwich like in Honey I Shrunk the Kids (I will neither confirm nor deny that this is why I studied science).  Every Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie that I finished in just two bites always left me feeling empty and wanting more because I knew there were bigger and better cookie sandwiches to be had. I would gladly risk the dangers of bee travel, lawnmowers, scorpions (seriously, what was it doing in a California backyard?) and sprinkler flooding for just a few moments with that giant cookie.

And ruined our expectations of cookies!

Despite my genetically predisposed lack of height, the closest I have ever come to achieving my dream has been the whoopie pies from SusieCakes in Brentwood. They have these incredible cookies sandwiched around a ridiculous frosting that should also come with a side of insulin. Seriously, if you're in Southern California, go to SusieCakes right now (if it's nighttime then camp out; it's worth it).

My first attempt at a whoopie pie. It had the right jaw-detaching size but not the right texture.

Back in June, I made my first batch of whoopie pies, but I found the cookie part to be far too cakey (in fact I later used the "cookie" recipe for some pretty good chocolate cupcakes). The filling, however, was near perfect. A hint of almond extract really helped distinguish it from your typical cream cheese frosting. This weekend, I again set out to prove my baking prowess with the world's greatest dessert. I enlisted the guidance of my usual baking partner Jenny from 2,000 miles away, and she came through by providing me with one of the tastiest chocolate cookie recipes ever that combined with the already wonderful filling to give me one of my proudest baking moments.

Whoopie Pies
Cookies: Mrs. Fields Recipe.
Frosting Adapted from Food Network
Servings: 6 giant sandwiches
Time: 45 minutes

Cookies
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

The batter is practically frosting.

1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 cup dark brown sugar, packed
3/4 cup white sugar
1 cup salted butter, softened
3 large eggs, room temp
2 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips


Filling
16 oz cream cheese, softened

And the filling is practically Heaven

3 sticks unsalted butter
1/2 tsp fine sea salt
2 tsp almond extract
3-4 cups powdered sugar

1. Preheat the oven to 300. 
2. Combine the flour, baking soda, cocoa powder and salt in a large bowl. Mix together well (whisking can help remove lumps).
3. In a separate bowl, cream together the butter and sugars with a mixer until you get a grainy paste.
4. Mix in the vanilla and one egg at a time until fully incorporated.
5. Add the flour mixture to the wet mixture, but be careful not to overmix. 
6. Stir in the chocolate chips.
7. Scoop ice cream scooper sized amounts on baking sheets lined with parchment paper and bake for 18-22 minutes. Be sure to rotate once halfway through (and switch racks if you're using multiple baking sheets).
8. Let cool on wire racks. You can leave them on the baking sheets for a little longer if you want the bottoms to harden up some (which is probably a good idea).
9. Time to make the filling. Note: this makes almost double the filling you need, so feel free to scale back some (or save some for other things like French toast or eating with a spoon and feeling shame). Cream the butter, salt, cream cheese and almond extract together in a mixer using the whisk attachment.
10. Mix in the powdered sugar 1 cup at a time until smooth. Stop when it reaches the desired sweetness. Be sure to scrape down the sides of the bowl.
11. Assemble the whoopie pies by scooping on liberal amounts of frosting between two cookies.
12. Chill in the fridge for at least an hour before serving. This will let the cookies harden some, and the cream cheese frosting is much better cold. 

Yes, the cookies are comically large, but the flavor is nothing to laugh at.

Like I said, scoop on liberal amounts of filling.

Don't try to be a hero. It's best to share this rich dessert with multiple people.

At first, I was extremely concerned that I had overmixed the cookies (which Jenny clearly stated not to do, and I trust her on these things). The batter had the consistency of frosting, but was delicious causing me to carry on. The cookies spread out like crazy and seemed to take forever to cook (definitely at the high end of that baking time estimate), but they turned out to be the best chocolate cookies I had ever had. The insides seemed to be an awesome brownie/cookie hybrid (complete with those brownie like chunks you find in ice cream) that was the perfect fit for the whoopie pies, especially once they hardened slightly in the fridge. They were also just thick enough to make a magnificently balanced union of cookie and filling. Despite being completely stuffed from the rest of our day of cooking, we all somehow managed to fight through the pain and enjoy them.

I may not have reached my Honey I Shrunk the Kids goal, but for one glorious night at least, I didn't care.

One day, Mr. Moranis. One day...