A Very Vegan Gluten-Free Christmas: Okra Gumbo

I call this the faux-hawk plate

With our Heart of Palm "Crab" Cakes already delighting our bellies, we needed a proper dinner chock-ful of nostalgia to round out our Christmas Eve feast. For me, there is one dish that epitomizes home cooking with the power to send you back to your childhood and cure all of your woes- my grandmother's okra gumbo.

Maw Maw's okra gumbo transcends all other gumbos (and all other cooking from anyone's grandmother for that matter). It was more of a stew of greatness than a gumbo. The extremely thick okra base was perfect for anything from putting on top of rice, to making a sandwich in a buttery roll, to even dipping french fries in. Really, the only thing you should probably avoid doing is putting it on ice cream, but I wouldn't be surprised if that was also amazing (Now if you'll excuse me, I'm busy thinking about frying ice cream and smothering it in okra gumbo...). While I don't have her actual recipe, my mom and I have made a few gumbos in our day, and we were going to try our best to reach those seemingly unobtainable cajun heights.

Okra Gumbo
Adapted from motherly and sonly wisdom
Servings: 8-10
Time: Approximately 3-4 hours

Chop, chop, chop!

6 tbsp vegetable oil
6-8 tbsp gluten-free all-purpose flour
1 1/2 yellow onions, diced
2 green bell peppers, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
3-4 lb bags of frozen okra
6 cups water
3 Not Chick'n bouillon cubes
Cajun seasoning to taste
Cayenne pepper to taste
Tabasco to taste
Extra-long grain rice

It's always important to remember to get lots of shadows in your foodie pics.

1. Make your roux. Mix the flour and oil over medium heat, stirring frequently until it starts to smell nutty and becomes caramel colored. (The preferable holiday procedure is to have your mom who has hundreds of rouxs worth of experience make it while you dice the produce.)
2. Coat the onions, bell peppers and garlic in the roux. Let cook over medium-low heat for 7-10 minutes until the onions become translucent. Be careful not to burn the garlic.
3. Transfer to a large pot. Add the water and bring it to a boil. Stir frequently to avoid sticking to the bottom and burning.
4. Stir in the bouillon cubes and okra (the more you put, the thicker the final product will be) and return to a boil.
5. Lower the temp to a healthy simmer and let cook for at least two hours (you want the okra to start breaking down a little).
6. Season with cajun seasoning and cayenne pepper while cooking (and tabasco once in a bowl).
7. Serve with extra-long grain rice.
8. Relive awesome childhood food moments from grandmother's house.

Proper gumbo plating- smothered

We managed to come surprisingly close to the taste and joy of Maw Maw's famous okra gumbo. The three bags of okra gave it a great thickness and heartiness, but four probably would have been the proper number for true gumbo magic. Seconds were not an option for this gumbo, rather they were a demand of our stomaches, which were now suffering from a condition that can only be explained as "gumbo-lust". In the true gumbo spirit, it was even better the next day after it had more time to thicken up and the flavors had more time to come together. For more tasty fun with your gumbo, sprinkle in some gluten-free panko crumbs for a little crunch.

Now I have to admit that we partially cheated on the gluten-freeness here (hey, Christmas is a time of forgiveness). We added some Field Roast Italian"sausage" to up the protein content (may the gluten-free gods have mercy on our souls). This proved to be the weakest part of the gumbo, though, so it can easily be skipped for the full gluten-free experience.

Stay tuned for the most important part of any proper Christmas celebration- the desserts!

A Very Vegan Gluten-Free Christmas: Heart of Palm "Crab" Cakes

Today's appetizers brought to you by the letter "N"!

This Christmas, I returned to the kitchen where it all started. As always, my sister refused to let me become complacent in my cooking skills. Following the "Very Vegan" Christmas challenge of 2011, my sister added a gluten-free constraint to this year's festivities. Initially my response was "God, you're the worst," but I was ready to take it head (or, more specifically, mouth) on (with only mild cheating).

Would I be able to overcome these culinary constraints and my adorable nephew who was hellbent on stealing my glasses and trapping us in the kitchen with his walker, or would I be found trying to drown my sorrows in the bottom of a glass of soy seasonal nog?


Heart of Palm "Crab" Cakes
Adapted from Olives for Dinner
Servings: 8-10 cakes
Time: 90 minutes (inactive for 60 of that)

Gluten-free sriracha and panko options

Crab Cakes
14 oz. can hearts of palm (whole)
1 tsp Cajun Seasoning (or Old Bay plus salt)
1/2 cup gluten-free panko crumbs
1/4+ cup chopped scallions
1/4+ cup frozen corn kernels
1/8+ cup minced roasted red peppers (gently squeezed dry)
Corn flour
Oil for pan frying

Sauce
Sriracha
Vegenaise
Cajun Seasoning

Seriously, the resemblance to actual crab cakes is uncanny. It even looks more real than the fake crab stuff they put in California rolls.

1. Pulse the heart of palm in a food processor ~ 3 times or mash it with a fork. Don't overdo it. You still want some chunks. 
2. Coat the heart of palm well with your cajun seasoning. Then mix in the panko crumbs, chopped scallions, frozen corn and minced roasted red pepper.
3. Sit in awe of how much this looks like crab.
4. Cover and let sit in the fridge for at least an hour.
5. Preheat your oven to 200-250 F.
6. Heat up oil (enough to cover the bottom of a pan) over medium heat (test with flour to see when it is ready).
7. Separate the mixture into equally sized round balls and gently flatten down with your palm.
8. Coat the entire cake in corn flour, making sure to remove any excess. Be careful because these will be very fragile.
9. Pan fry the crab cakes until golden (about 2-3 minutes per side).
10. Transfer finished cakes to a plate covered with paper towels to drain off excess oil.
11. Place drained crab cakes on a baking sheet and cover with aluminum foil in the oven to keep warm.
12. Mix the sauce by combining ~equal portions of sriracha and vegenaise with cajun seasoning to taste until smooth. 
13. Sit in awe of how awesome these taste.

Naked, freshly formed crab cakes (this one then fell apart 10 times on the way to frying).

Once I saw how awesome the crab cakes looked, I started to get excited, and biting into them only reinforced this. These tasted just like the real thing. The heart of palm gave it the perfect texture, while the cajun seasoning gave it just the right amount of kick and salt. Not to be forgotten, the corn, scallions and red pepper really helped round things out. These were fried to a nice crispness that wasn't overwhelmingly battered and really let us enjoy the tasty heart of palm center. 

The sauce reminded me of a spicier Cane's sauce, which means I reached one of my life's goals!

These delightful faux seafood discs (trademark pending) would've been fantastic on their own, but the sauce really helped bring things to another level. The vegenaise provided a nice, smooth and slightly thick sauce, while the sriracha and cajun seasoning added just the right amount of fiery excitement to the mix. It really managed to compliment the crab cakes without overpowering them.

And then it struck me. This would definitely look way fancier with a random "N" drizzled on it!

We were off to a surprisingly great start to our vegan gluten-free adventure. Our crab cakes were the perfect compliment to our main Louisiana course of okra gumbo, and lowercase "q" had only managed to steal my glasses once!

Stay tuned for more delicious holiday adventures that we can pretend are 100% healthy because they don't contain gluten or animal products! That totally cancels out frying. Totally...

Pumpkin Chili and the Great Football Rib Adventure

Chili: the "it has a great personality" of foods

Perhaps I wanted to keep the pumpkin winning streak going following Pumpkin Cookie Cake and Pumpkin Chai Muffins, or perhaps I was jonesing for a fix after Starbucks' annual inexplicable post-Halloween removal of pumpkin spice lattes (It should be considered a crime against humanity, dammit!). Either way, when Sacha invited people over for some Sunday football, I knew I wanted to find a way to incorporate pumpkin. Since manly men hitting each other repeatedly is not really a desserty affair (although, I like to think it was the original failed pitch of Cupcake Wars), I decided I had to find a way to combine it with hearty meat. This pumpkin chili was the perfect call for a lazy "autumn" day (yeah, we don't really have seasons here in Houston). 

Pumpkin Chili
Adapted from All Recipes
Servings: 8-10
Time: 2+ hours

Even Owlie got in on the pumpkin fun. Not pictured: the mess he made on my table after drinking a beer his size.

Your kitchen will already smell good at this point

1 bottle pumpkin beer (I used Sam Adams Harvest Pumpkin)
2 lbs ground beef
Olive oil
1 large yellow onion, diced
1  1/2 green bell peppers, diced
2-3 jalapenos, minced and seeded
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 15 oz cans kidney beans, drained
1 28 oz can peeled and dice tomatoes in juices
20 oz tomato juice (about half a big can)
15 oz canned pureed pumpkin
1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice
1 1/2 tbsp chili powder
1/4 cup white sugar
Salt to taste
Sriracha to taste
Fritos
Glorious, heaping amounts of football

Getting there but still needs some more reducing

1. Brown the beef in a large pot with a few ounces of pumpkin beer.
2. At the same time, sauté the onion, green bell pepper, jalapenos and garlic in a small amount of olive oil and a few more ounces of the beer. Let cook until the onions become translucent and the veggies become fragrant.
3. Drain the beef and add the veggies into the large pot. 
4. Mix in the drained kidney beans, tomato juice, pumpkin, pumpkin pie spice, chili powder, sugar and remaining beer.
5. Let simmer for 1-2 hours until well reduced (you want chunky not overly soupy). Season with salt and sriracha to your liking.
6. Scoop into a bowl and top with awesomely crunchy Fritos. 
7. Enjoy with large amounts of football, beer, ribs and lounging.

Now properly chunkilicious and ready for football

This recipe had me more frightened than most. The original recipe seemed like it would be far too bland and did not seem to emphasize the pumpkin nearly enough, so I improvised. I upped the amount of pumpkin and cooked everything in pumpkin beer to hammer home everyone's favorite human head sized vegetable (Be careful what pumpkin beer you choose. I recommend using a more subdued one that isn't overly spiced). Something had to balance the smooth pumpkin, so I threw in chili standard jalapenos, which were conspicuously absent from the initial recipe, and added some always welcome sriracha to give just the right amount of heat. The result was an incredibly memorable dish that just screamed fall. It was perfect comfort food for a lazy weekend that filled stomachs with happiness and made our eyelids feel properly heavy.

I guess the chili was a hit...

The day did not end with pumpkin chili. Football fans also stuffed themselves silly with two kinds of guac (including my take) and salsa. Most importantly though, they got to eat Sacha's amazing ribs (which were so good they deserved their own sentence) to help them ease the pain of another Texans' loss (everyone should just come to their senses and be a Saints fan).

Carefully crafted and adapted from the Legendary Laura the RA recipe. Her guac was the first time I knew what love was.

Sacha's Smoked Rib Shack

Sacha tends to his ribs with even more care than he will show to his children one day. 

As much as my ego loves attention and delusions of culinary grandeur, I have to admit that my amazingly glorious pumpkin chili (like I said-ego) came in a distant second to Sacha's ridiculously smokey, tender, juicy and all around phenomenal ribs. Years of dedication and long hours consulting finally paid off by training Sacha to wake up super early and be productive. These ribs that were started at 6 am exploded with flavor that stole everyone's attention. We were so enamored with them, that we did not even realize the game we were watching had ended.

The sauced variety was just the right amount of messy.

The large bits of pepper really brought the rub to another level.

Look at that glorious layer of smoke. If only you could smell it and see it fall off the bone.

Pumpkinocalypse 2013: The Bakering: Pumpkin Chai Muffins

Muffin Mondays used to be a cherished part of my work week because I got to eat healthy fake cupcakes while letting staff meeting fade away to the background of non-tasty noise. Due to some sort of weird plague or other act of god, my grocery store was all out of pumpkin on Sunday forcing me to postpone Pumpkinocalypse (and thus Muffin Monday) to Tuesday. I had come too far (and purchased all of the other necessary ingredients) to let that stop me. I would combine my two favorite lattes into one delicious (and way less fattening than a latte) muffin- the fabled Pumpkin Chai!

Pumpkin Chai Muffins
Adapted from Squidoo
Servings: 24 muffins
Time: 35 minutes

Now how do I froth it?

4 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
4 tsp baking poder
2 tsp ground cloves
2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 tsp allspice
2 tsp cardamom
2 tsp ground ginger
1 1/2 tsp orange zest
1/2 tsp white pepper
4 tbsp instant tea powder (unsweetened)
1 cup butter
1 cup vanilla yogurt
2 tsp vanilla
4 eggs
1 1/2 cups pureed pumpkin
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Whisk the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cloves, cinnamon, allspice, cardamom, ginger, orange zest, white pepper and instant tea together in a large bowl. Set aside.
3. Melt the butter and let cool.
4. Beat the vanilla yogurt, vanilla, eggs, pumpkin and sugar in with the melted butter until smooth.
5. Gradually mix in the dry ingredients using a stand mixer at low speed until just incorporated (be careful not to overmix).
6. Fill lined muffin tins 2/3 full with batter.
7. Bake for 15-18 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean.
8. Remove the muffins from the tin and let cool on wire racks. 
9. Eat with a very mellow, low on flavor drink to counteract being bombarded by amazing spices.

Must resist the urge to frost... Slowly get back into baking..

Now these muffins packed a powerful punch. Whereas my earlier Pumpkin Cookie Cake truly highlighted all that is good and pumpkin in the world, these muffins brought forth a whole lot of spicy punch. This felt like autumn in convenient bite-sized form. All the fantastic chai spices really hit you with a gentle backing from the moist pumpkin and an intriguing finish from the white pepper (seriously, the white pepper seems out of place, but it's awesome). I definitely recommend a nice glass of silk to balance out this super breakfast.

After making these delightfully tasty treats, I did think of a few possible ways to improve them (aside from saying "healthiness be damned" and making them a cupcake). Adding walnuts or golden raisins could definitely add another dimension and some texture to these. Similarly, the pop of biting into freshly chopped ginger would also help elevate things to a whole new level.

Oh, that's right. I forgot all this baking makes my kitchen really messy. Oh, well. That sounds like a problem for future Terry. He's a sucker.

It felt great to be back to destroying my kitchen (it really was freaky seeing it so clean). Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go feverishly apologize to my stand mixer for our rough patch.

Pumpkinpocalypse 2013: The Bakering- Pumpkin Cookie Cake

This summer I played a fun game called "let's see how far I can bend my knee in an unnatural direction" (soon to be a major TV event on NBC). In the end, physics won that game, and one shiny new zombie knee later, I found myself confined to a recliner and missing the days of baking bliss in my kitchen. My poor stand mixer just sat there in its little corner all alone and abandoned. I would crutch by and not be able to look it in its face. Now that I'm finally back on my feet, I had two choices. Either I could take my newfound zombie knee strength and take the NFL by storm, or I could make it up to my beloved and neglected best kitchen (aid) buddy. Fame and fortune be damned! It was time to get back to work.

Why hello, old friend. Oh, how I have missed thee.

Since all of nature from my lattes to my beers has been taken over by the giant looming specter of the pumpkin, I figured there was no use fighting it. I would make my triumphant return to the kitchen with fall's greatest round orange thingy (after all this time, I still have a way with word type stuffs). Plus, it was time to show all my new coworkers who only knew me as that weird guy in shorts with a limp what my real expertise was in.

Pumpkin Cookie Cake (or cookies)
Adapted from BHG.com
Servings: 3 cakes, or 36 cookies (or 2 cakes and 16 cookies)
Time: 30 minutes

Cookies 

Don't even look at it! It's all mine!

2 cups butter, softened
2 cups granulated sugar
2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground nutmeg
2 eggs
1 tbsp vanilla
1 15 oz can pumpkin
4 cups all-purpose flour
Walnuts (optional but highly recommended)

Frosting
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla 
2- 2 1/2 cups powdered sugar

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F. 
2. Whisk the sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg together in a large bowl.
3. Cream the butter using  a stand mixer at medium speed for 30 seconds until light and fluffy.
4. Add the dry ingredients to the creamed butter and combine well.
5. Mix in the eggs one at a time.
6. Stir in the vanilla and pumpkin.
7. Marvel at the disgusting mix that stands before you.
8. Gradually add in the flour until just incorporated.
9. Marvel at the delicious bowl of batter in front of you and vow to horde it for yourself.
10. Stir in walnuts if necessary (you really should to add some crunch).
11. Drop in tbsp sized lumps on baking sheets covered in wax paper or spread in a round baking pan (it rises a lot, so don't fill it too much).
12. For cookie cakes, bake 14-16 minutes or 12-14 minutes for cookies (basically until the top sets).
13. Let cool on a wire rack.
14. Decide that 2 cups of sugar weren't enough and vow to fight this injustice by making frosting.
15. Melt the butter and brown sugar together in a saucepan over medium heat. Remove.
16. Mix in the milk and vanilla then slowly add the powdered sugar until it reaches your desired thickness (not too liquidy) and sweetness.
17. Once the cookie (cake) has cooled, spread on a thin layer of the frosting and let it set.
18. Realize you still have almost an entire bowl of super sugar.

    

    This is what I imagine tooth lava would look like (note: it looks better on the cookies).

    I decided to make some pumpkin cookies so I would have an excuse to browse Better Home and Garden's website that I could emphasize the sweetness of pumpkins to go with some healthier and muffins focusing on pumpkin spiciness (stay tuned, true believers!). After I baked my first batch of cookies, I was a little concerned with how they were setting and their general super softness. So I improvised! I threw the rest of the batter in two round baking pans and mixed in some walnuts to create the only thing that could possibly outshine the brilliance of a cookie- a cookie cake (at least until I figure out how to make a cookie cake pie).
    

    

    In between the sugary frosting and moist cake lies a majestic top layer of buttery cookie goodness.

    In the end, I had two amazing treats for the effort of one. The cookies were extremely light and really showcased the smoothness that is pumpkin, but the cookie cake really raised the bar. The cookie cake baked beautifully, providing a moist cake with a buttery top that was truly melt in your mouth. The frosting added another layer of almost mapley sweetness (but beware, a little goes a long way), while the walnuts provided some much needed crunch to balance the smooth pumpkin cookieness (man, I missed making up food words). This truly is a great way to explain to someone why pumpkin is so amazing because it really stands on its on in these cookies without being bolstered up by an overabundance of spices (I saved that for the next one).

    

    Cookies are great and all but why not have the best of both worlds by putting them in cake form?

    This cookie (cake) was enough to make me thoroughly satisfied with diving back into baking madness, but could my healthy option, Pumpkin Chai Muffins, raise my baking confidence and ego to even higher, almost unsafe levels? Check back tomorrow to find out.

Dinner with Mac & Sacha: Bruschetta

Basil, tomato, cheese and carby goodness have long dazzled the world in pizzas and pasta. Fortunately, some genius (who was surely viewed as a mad man in his time) decided these things should be put into convenient bite-sized treats known as bruschetta (No matter how hard I try, handheld pasta continues to remain a poor choice.). We thought this crunchy Italian treat was the perfect way to start kick off our grown-up feast and balance the delicate fish. Our chopping skills would be put to the ultimate test. Could we come together to create the world's most delicious appetizer, or would we succumb to man's oldest and greatest enemy- serrated bread knives (hint: a little bit of both)?

Bruschetta

Adapted from All Recipes

Servings: However much makes you feel less gross about eating an entire baguette by yourself

Time: 20 minutes (plus additional for medical attention)

Chopping courtesy of Maconda

1 French Baguette (I used sourdough)

6 roma tomatoes

1/2 cup sun-dried tomatoes, previously packed in oil

3 cloves garlic, minced

1/4 cup olive oil

2 tbsp balsamic vinegar

1/4 cup fresh basil, chopped with stems removed

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp black pepper

Shredded Mozzarella

What a nice, unassuming knife (that's how they ninja get you)

1. Preheat the oven to the broiler setting.
2. Mix the roma tomatoes, sun-dried tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, basil, salt and pepper together in a large bowl. Let the flavors blend for 10 minutes.
3. Cut the baguette into 1/2 to 3/4-inch slices. 
4. Discover that new knives are surprisingly sharp.
5. Rely on Sacha's EMT skills and Maconda's chopping skills to finish the meal.
6. Arrange the slices in a single layer on a baking sheet.
7. Broil each side until slightly browned (~1-2 minutes per side).
8. Scoop the tomato mix onto each slice and top with cheese.
9. Broil until the cheese is melted.
10. Realize that saving room for dinner is a sucker's game.

Shockingly, we actually had a debate about the proper amount of cheese. Frenchman Sacha correctly chose the right amount of melty goodness.

We quickly came to the realization that we could've just made these for dinner and gladly eaten them until bread and cheese lost all meaning. By toasting both sides, we ensured the bruschetta wouldn't fall into a soggy trap, allowing the powerful ingredients to come through beautifully. The juicy double tomato punch melded nicely with the crisp baguette and gooey melted cheese, while the balsamic vinegar and basil gave this the extra kick that kept us coming back for more.

New EMT Sacha's triage care strategy: use obscene amounts of tape.

Stay tuned for our exciting finale featuring roasted cauliflower and Robin's feedback from employing the tape and paper towel method into her doctoring.

It's important to remember to crop out all the juice from your sauce for pretty pictures.

Dinner with Mac & Sacha: White Wine Poached Fish

Now that Maconda and Sacha have a fancy grown-up person house, they finally have the space to utilize their fancy grown-up wedding gifts. When presented with the opportunity to use said fancy adult things on their sparkling new island kitchen-top, I couldn't resist. The only problem was figuring out what splendiferous culinary feat we should make. Initially, my thoughts turned to trying painstakingly time-hungry new techniques like braising or making confit in honor of Sacha's homeland, but our adult responsibilities (read: my video games aren't gonna play themselves) led to a compromise. We'd teach ourselves the time friendly skill of poaching (read: we wanted an excuse to drink wine, and I always wanted to describe myself to strangers as "a poacher"). Their shiny new kitchen would be broken in with a delightful meal of wine-poached fish, bruschetta and roasted cauliflower.

Wine-Poached Fish

Adapted from The New York Times

Servings: 6

Time: 40 minutes

6 fish fillets (I recommend cod)

Salt and Freshly ground pepper

1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

4-5 tbsp finely chopped shallot

1 1/2 cups chardonnay 

2 garlic cloves, minced

3 tbsp capers, rinsed 

1/3 cup fresh lemon juice

3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

4 tbsp finely chopped parsley

Wine poaching: the drunken hot sauna of fish

Not broccoli au gratin!

1. Go to Kroger.
2. Be very disappointed in their fish selection and convince yourself the recipe will be good enough to carry the meal.
3. Preheat the oven to 400 F. 
4. Oil or butter a large baking dish then lay the fish in one layer and season with salt and pepper.
5. Sauté the shallots in olive oil over medium heat until tender and translucent.
6. Add the wine and bring to a boil.
7. Pour the wine over the fish, cover with foil and bake in the oven for 10-15 minutes or until the fish becomes opaque and pulls apart easily with a fork.
8. Remove the fish from the baking dish and place on a covered platter to keep warm.
9. Reduce the poaching wine in a skillet to ~1/3 cup then add in the garlic cloves, capers, lemon juice, olive oil, parsley and salt to taste. Let cook for ~ 2 minutes.
10. Pour the sauce over the fish and serve.

Yes, mask the lowly tilapia in delicious sauce topping.

It turns out the simple (20ish minute) technique of poaching is an incredible way to prepare fish. The end result had the absolute perfect texture for fish- beautifuly smooth and tender (almost buttery). Each bite came off effortlessly with a gentle pull from our forks, while the acidity of the picatta like sauce imparted wonderfully powerful flavors to the unassuming fish. The only improvement I would make to the sauce would be to add some butter at the very end to make it even more rich and help thicken it some (just cut the end olive oil, turn off the heat, add butter and let it melt to proper artery clogging thicknesses).

While the sauce will make just about any fish into a tasty masterpiece, proper fish selection will make your experience even more outstanding. Kroger's fish selection was rather limited (HEB should be used for all meat purchasing if in Texas), so I settled on tilapia and cod (it was either that or expensive sea bass). Personally, I hate the flavorless tilapia (specifically bred to not taste like fish for Americans), but I still really enjoyed my tilapia pieces thanks to the hard working sauce. The cod, however, was on an entirely different level as the fish itself stood up to the powerful sauce and held its own. The original recipe calls for the use of sole, flounder or swordfish, so I will be sure to verify the poaching process still works on these the next time I'm craving fish. Overall, I have to declare wine-poaching to be a giant success as the unbelievably simple and fast procedure perfectly cooked our meal while we watched sports on TV.

Not pictured: the 20 slices of bruschetta we all ate before the meal proper.

Come back soon for the other two equally awesome parts of our grown-up dinner: bruschetta and roasted cauliflower (Ok, I lied. The bruschetta far out awesomes them both) and to learn about Sacha's EMT skills following my finger being introduced to their sharp new knives.

Muffin Mondays: Dark Chocolate Cherry Muffins

Recently, I began celebrating the soon to be worldwide holiday known as Muffin Mondays. Delusions of grandeur filled my head as I decided to embark on a journey of two delicious muffiny treats to great my coworkers in the morning.  Unfortunately, my strawberry rhubarb yogurt muffins turned in to an unmitigated disaster, but, then, as if smiled upon by the baking gods, a Muffin Monday Miracle occurred. My Dark Chocolate Cherry Muffin recipe which was supposed to yield 2 dozen muffins entered some weird wormhole and produced 48 delicious breakfasty treats (I may have been a little suspicious given the insane amount of flour it called for, but I wasn't about to let something like math or numbers stop me!).

Screw you, strawberry rhubarb suckins!

Dark Chocolate Cherry Muffins
Adapted from All Recipes
Servings: 24 muffins (adjusted to actually be 24)
Time: 40+ minutes (how fast can you chop cherries?)

This might take a while...

2 1/3 cups  all-purpose flour
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2 eggs, beaten
1 tsp almond extract
1 1/2 cups fresh dark cherries, pitted and chopped
1 cup dark chocolate chips
Sliced almonds (optional)

Chocolate and fruit, what a novel idea that has certainly never been tried before!

1. Attempt to make strawberry rhubarb muffins. Fail miserably.
2. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
3. Whisk the flour, sugar, cooca powder, baking powder, baking soda and salt together in a large bowl.
4. Mix the sour cream, milk, vegetable oil, eggs and almond extract in a bowl until well blended.
5. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and stir until just incorporated.
6. Fold the cherries and dark chocolate chips into the batter.
7. Fill lined muffin tins 1/2- 2/3 full. Sprinkle on almond slices if desired.
8. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean (beware of false negatives from the melted chocolate chips).
9. Let the tins cool on wire racks for 5 minutes. Then remove the muffins and allow them to finish cooling on the racks.
10. Realize the second type of muffin isn't necessary because these are absurdly awesome.

Souped up almond model. Now if I can just figure out where the NOS goes...

Normally, I don't go for chocolate muffins (chocolate is for my unhealthy lattes and not my fruit-filled morning treats), so these combo fruit/chocolate muffins were the perfect way to help me ease into an exciting and scary new lifestyle. These were vaguely reminiscent of chocolate liqueur cherries thanks to the almond extract, but the real heart of this breakfast was the abundance of juicy cherries intermingling with the decadent dark chocolate that made all that chopping worth it. Venturing away from my normal muffin comfort zone proved to be the right choice, as these may have been the most deserving entry to Muffin Mondays yet.

The inner workings of a muffin are almost as complicated as those of the human body (at least I imagine mine is filled with chocolate and fruit).

Reese's Pieces Cookies & Cookie Cake Mutation!

In the early days of mankind, humans discovered a way to reach near god-like levels by combining peanut butter and chocolate. Then a genius (who I can only assume is named Reese) created the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. But man was lazy, and preferred to eat things in handfuls without getting melted chocolate all over, so Reese's Pieces were created and humanity reached its zenith (a level managed again only with the creation of cookie dough ice cream).

I knew I was going to need one ridiculous cookie to compete with the Lemon Ricotta Blackberry Muffins for my Office bake-athon and care package assembly. As a result, I called upon these peanut butter and chocolate discs for help.  Plus, I figured this would be an awesome way to trick people with peanut allergies into thinking they were having safe, unassuming M&M cookies.

Reese's Pieces Cookies
Adapted from Emeril's Giant Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake
Time: 30 minutes
Servings: 2 dozen cookies

1 cup butter, room temp
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 cups plus 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups milk chocolate chips
Loads of Reese's Pieces

I find I'm quite liberal with my interpretation of cookie dough sizes.

1. Preheat the oven to 375 F. Line baking sheets with parchment paper.
2. Cream the butter and sugars together with a stand mixer until light and fluffy.
3. Beat in the eggs and vanilla.
4. Whisk the flour, baking soda and salt together in a separate bowl.
5. Gradually add the dry ingredients to the creamed mixture until incorporated.
6. Stir in the chocolate chips and Reese's pieces with a rubber spatula. 
7. Realize that even an absurd looking amount of Reese's pieces is not nearly enough and pour more in.
8. Place ~ tbsp sized drops onto the lined baking sheets.
9. Bake for 8-12 minutes until they start to brown.
10. Let rest on the cookie sheets for 5 minutes to crisp up the bottoms then transfer to wire racks to finish cooling.

Somehow, I managed to create the best of both worlds with these cookies and generate both chewy and crunchy varieties thanks to what I will refer to as the magical oven of mystery and wonder (sadly, walking in to it does not lead to a Narnia like world). It's important to make sure that you load these up with as many chocolate chips and Reese's Pieces while still adhering to the laws of physics (more specifically, the law of conservation of mass). Essentially, you have an amazing chocolate chip cookie stuffed with all the peanut buttery goodness you could have ever hoped for as a child. In the eternal battle for cookie supremacy, these managed to even outdo the fabled M&M variety.

The Super Bowl Cookie Cake Mutation

Sure, it looks tasty, but it could use more unnecessary sugar.

These cookies were actually inspired by the pure, utter perfection I experienced during this past Super Bowl with my Reese's Pieces Cookie Cake. Everyone knows the following facts: Cookies are awesome; Cake is awesome; and Combining two awesome things can only lead to a dangerous state known as super awesome. Therefore, it can easily be concluded that combining a cookie and a cake is the greatest level of deliciousness that one can hope to achieve.

Indeed, this proved to be the case, as this cookie cake easily swept the floor with the spectacular cookies. The cake form allowed for a gooier center that was highly addictive. Plus, cheap icing in a chez whiz like bottle has always been a favorite of mine. In order to transform this recipe into a proper cookie cake, simply pour the batter into a round baking dish and bake for 20-25 minutes until browned.

One day, I will blow the world's collective mind by creating the world's first combination ice cream cookie cake (no, cookies and cream doesn't count).

Check back soon for the thrilling finale to our Office Marathon Bakeathon: Eggless Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Raisin Cookies.