Eggless Sunday: Strawberry Banana Quinoa Muffins

Recently, I've noticed that my breakfast routine was in serious need of some tinkering. When you walk into a Starbucks on your birthday and are greeted by all the baristas shouting "Happy Birthday, Terry" (and confusing the poor soul who walked in at the same time as you), you realize that you just might go there too often. As part of my Sunday of baking, I wanted to make a healthy scone/granola bar alternative that would go well with my morning life-breathing coffee (I may live in Texas, but I think coffee is by far the world's most important black liquid). In the end, I settled on these ambitious muffins to hopefully prevent my descent in to becoming Starbuck's "Norm".


Strawberry Banana Quinoa Muffins
Adapted from Chef In You
Servings: 24 muffins
Time: 90 minutes

Cooking before baking. Pure freaking anarchy.

1/2 cup quinoa
1 cup water
2 cups whole wheat flour
3 tsp baking powder
2 tsp salt
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup fat free Greek yogurt
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 cups mashed banana
2 cups fresh strawberries, diced

Fortunately, this is one batter that's supposed to look lumpy. Fortunately that didn't stop baking partner Alex from devouring it.

1. Bring the quinoa and water to a boil in a saucepan. Then cover and reduce to a simmer for 10 minutes. Turn off the heat and leave covered for 15 minutes. Fluff with a fork and let cool.
2. Preheat the oven to 400 F.
3. Whisk the flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon together in a large bowl.
4. Stir in the quinoa until it's completely covered by the flour mixture.
5. Using a stand mixer, combine mix the sugar and oil together in a separate bowl.
6. Add the yogurt, vanilla and mashed banana to the oil mixture until well incorporated.
7. Drop the strawberries into the flour-quinoa mixture and stir well.
8. Combine the flour and oil mixtures by gently stirring with a rubber spatula until just blended.
9. Drop the batter into lined cupcake tins and bake for 20-30 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean.
10. Let cool on wire racks.
11. Shovel them down your gullet along with copious amounts of coffee. 
12. Realize the shaking your body is doing is simply its special way of telling you how much it loves coffee.

What do you mean I don't frost them after? Hogwash!

These were some absolutely killer muffins. I reduced the amount of banana from the original recipe so that the muffins wouldn't be too mushy (an unfortunate baking consequence of the banana) and the result was a structurally sound muffin that tasted like incredible banana bread with glorious juicy bites of strawberry. These two fruity delights were further complimented by the cinnamon and vanilla for muffins that had everyone coming back for more.  I just hope the good folks at Starbucks don't send out a search party to find me this week. 

The Tax Refund Party: Strawberry Whoopie Pies

I have long believed that any worthwhile gathering should have some sort of whoopie pie (to go with your cupcake options). I've previously made these in traditional whoopie pie and red velvet whoopie pie form. For my tax refund baking bonanza, I was going to have to take things to a whole new level with the power of strawberries. Would I do Rick Moranis proud, or would my ridiculously large cookie fall flat?


Strawberry Whoopie Pies
Cookies Adapted from Mrs. Fields
Previously Seen in My Loving Ode to Honey I Shrunk the Kids
Servings: 8-10 Giant Whoopie Pies
Time: 30 minutes

Strawberry perfection

Cookies
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 cup dark brown sugar, packed
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 cup salted butter, softened
3 large eggs, room temp
1 tbsp pure vanilla extract
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips


Filling
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter
1/4 tsp fine sea salt
1/2-1 tsp almond extract
1/3 cup strawberries, pureed
2 cups powdered sugar, sifted

The ultimate chocolate cookie

1. Preheat the oven to 300 F.
2. Combine the flour, baking soda, cocoa powder and salt in a large bowl and whisk well.
3. In a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugars together until a grainy paste forms.
4. Mix in the vanilla and one egg at a time until fully incorporated.
5. Add the flour mixture to the wet mixture in several increments and mix at low speed so as not to over-mix.
6. Stir in the chocolate chips.
7. Scoop ice cream scooper sized amounts on baking sheets lined with parchment paper and bake for 15-20 minutes. Flatten the scoops slightly to help them bake through yet remain tall. Rotate once halfway through.
8. Let the bottoms crisp up on the baking sheet for 2 minutes then transfer to wire racks to cool.
9. Make the filling by creaming the butter then adding the cream cheese until it's light and fluffy. Add the strawberries, salt and almond extract and incorporate well then gradually mix in the powdered sugar.
10. Assemble the whoopie pies by scooping on absurd amounts of frosting and sandwiching it between two cookies.
11. Let chill in the fridge for at least an hour before serving to maximize awesomeness.

"I find food looks better when there's blurry food behind it"-All of Pinterest

My third attempt at reaching the giant cream filled cookie nirvana seen in Honey I Shrunk the Kids was by far the best yet. The cookies came out much thicker this time thanks to actually laying down ice cream scoops to better replicate the chunks of heaven served up by SusieCakes Bakery in L.A. (I have to make sure to get a hold of these and some Marble Cake the next time I'm visiting my sister). Although the chocolatey cookies were incredible on their own, the unbelievable strawberry filling really made them shine. Robin did a fantastic job pinpointing the perfect amount of strawberry for the filling, and it went surprisingly nicely with the hint of almond extract. The only problem is that you quickly become tempted to pull an oreo and just start eating the filling (for your jaw's sake you should avoid the oreo game of combining the filling of multiple cookies to form one mega cookie). Make sure you chill these first because the cold frosting really brings out the flavor. As mouthwateringly delectable as the fiery red hot red velvet cupcakes were, I think these whoopie pies won the night.

Dr. Omar contemplates the medical ramifications of what he's about to attempt (and the fame he's about to achieve. Sorry ladies, he's married.). In the end, he renounced the medical profession to spend his life eating cookies.

Stay tuned for the grand finale: Bananas Foster Cookies complete with Ice Cream and Bourbon Caramel Sauce.

Housewarming Bakeathon: Chocolate Covered Strawberry Cookies

Photo courtesy of Matt Garza

Recently, Kevin, Dennis and I moved into a lovely townhouse closer to civilization in Houston. Meaning I have a whole new kitchen to make a mess of! And it's a lot bigger so I'll have to be even sloppier. To celebrate and remind ourselves and our bodies that we are no longer in our early 20s (a task we began by moving heavy things on Friday), we threw a little housewarming party this weekend. In order to mask that wonderful beer smell that would soon take over the house, I went on an eggless baking extravaganza featuring chocolate avocado cupcakes (reserve judgement on the weird sounding treat), snickerdoodles (previously seen for Mardi Gras) and chocolate covered strawberry cookies.


Eggless Chocolate Covered Strawberry Cookies
Adapted from Martha Stewart
Servings: 18 cookies
Time: 40 minutes plus cooling

Sugar and strawberries

12 oz strawberries, hulled and cut into 1/4 inch pieces
1 tsp lemon juice
9 tbsp granulated sugar
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp coarse salt
6 tbsp cold unsalted butter, cut pea-sized
2/3 cup heavy cream
Dark chocolate
White chocolate

Scone like cookies!

1. Preheat the oven to 375 F.
2. Combine the strawberries, lemon juice and 2 tbsp sugar together.
3. In a large bowl, whisk the flour, baking powder, salt and remaining 7 tbsp sugar together.
4. Cut or smash in the butter to the flour mixture until it looks like coarse crumbs. 
5. Add in the cream and stir until a dough forms.
6. Stir in the strawberry mixture.
7. Form the dough into balls and place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
8. Bake for 16-20 minutes or until the cookies are golden brown and have slightly hardened bottoms (this is key or they'll fall apart when you dip them in the chocolate).
9. Let cool on a wire rack.
10. Melt the dark and white chocolate separately using either a double boiler or a microwave on medium power in 30 second bursts.
11. Dip the cookies in the dark chocolate then sit them on top of a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
12. Drizzle the melted white chocolate on using a fork.
13. Let refrigerate for at least 30 minutes to let the chocolate set.

As a scientist, I can't help but ponder the hexagonal packing of cookies.

This was one freaking amazing cookie. The recipe is actually for strawberry shortcake cookies and makes for a very welcome scone-like cookie (just look at the recipe it's practically the same as when I made scones). The juicy strawberries really provide a refreshing dimension to the cookies (although they can negatively impact their structural integrity as witnessed by the chunk missing from the cookie above).  These would have been a stellar addition to my baking resume by themselves, but, as always, I couldn't settle for simple leading me to dip them in chocolate.

We hire only the fanciest servers like Jaime for our parties.

Originally, I wanted to make my chocolate peanut butter banana cookies (which are quite possibly the world's finest cookie save SusieCakes' whoopie pie), but new roomie Dennis' peanut allergy and the lack of self restraint he would've experienced when he smelled them ended that idea. But I still really wanted to dip a cookie in chocolate, so I went with the next best thing- chocolate covered strawberries. Having previously made a cupcake version of this, I was confident it would translate well to cookie form (surely a pie version must be next to complete the desserty trifecta). The chocolate indulgence definitely hit the spot as the hard outer shell complimented the moist and light inner cookie brilliantly especially since it was jam-packed with strawberries.

Professional brewer Dennis shamed himself by having trouble tapping the St. Arnold's keg he helped make.

These cookies were a huge hit at the party and definitely set the tone for the evening. Stay tuned for the mouth-watering finale to my first adventure in the new kitchen- chocolate avocado cupcakes. Will they be a smashing success or will the new oven confuse me and send the whole thing up in smoke? The clock is ticking as the party nears and I have a considerable mess to clean (stupid larger kitchen).

The delicious adventure continues with chocolate avocado cupcakes and snickerdoodles.

The Valentine's Day Massacre: Chocolate Covered Strawberry Cupcakes Times Two

Overboard may not begin to describe how I approached Valentine's Day this year. I wanted to give my coworkers a delicious day to remember while dealing with the baking withdrawals I went through during the first two weeks of the month. So I reopened Terry's Crafty Confectionery Crafts (working title) for an avalanche of desserts that would make Russell Stover cry in envy including dark chocolate balsamic truffles, heart shaped sugar cookies and not one but two kinds of chocolate covered strawberry cupcakes. It was a Valentine's Day Massacre like no other because I totally killed it (yeah I went there).

The greatest Valentine's gift ever: new cupcake tins! Kevin and I truly are in a majestic Bromance.

By now, you should know that I like to make my cupcakes as complicated as possible. There needs to be as many frostings and filling as imaginable, so prepare yourself for seven (yes 7) different parts to this crazy magnificent recipe. The main goal was to emulate the Valentine's Day staple chocolate covered strawberries (I wanted to mimic those hearts with sayings on them, but chalk cupcakes just didn't sound appetizing.). I took two approaches to my self-imposed baking challenge. First, I created a strawberry cake topped with a hard chocolate. Next, I tried a chocolate cupcake surrounding a strawberry filling. Both were greatly aided by the incredible strawberry buttercream and whipped cream frostings to create some one-of-a-kind cupcakery to make your Valentine's Day special.


Type 1: The Strawberry Base


Strawberry Cupcake
Increased From Sprinkles' Cupcakes
Servings: 24 cupcakes
Time: 40 minutes (plus cooling, frosting and glaze)

1 1/3 cups fresh strawberries, de-stemmed
3 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp coarse salt
1/2 cup whole milk, room temperature
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 sticks unsalted butter, softened
2 cups sugar
2 large eggs, room temp
4 large egg whites, room temp
Chocolate ganache (recipe follows)
Frosting (options follow)

No, Mr. Strawberry, I expect you to die!

1. Preheat the oven to 350.
2. Puree strawberries in a food processor. Collect 2/3 cups of puree for the batter.
3. Whisk the flour, baking powder and salt together in a bowl.
4. In a separate bowl, mix the milk, vanilla and strawberry puree.
5. Using your trusty stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter over medium-high speed then gradually add the sugar and beat until light and fluffy.
6. Reduce the speed to medium and add the eggs and egg whites one at a time until just blended.
7. Drop down to low speed and alternate adding the dry and wet mixtures (dry -> wet -> dry -> wet -> dry) until just combined. Do any final stirring with a spatula, making sure to scrape down the side walls.
8. Fill lined cupcake tins 2/3s with the batter and bake for 20-25 minutes, turning once. 
9. Transfer to a wire rack to let cool then dip in ganache and frost then top with a chocolate covered strawberry.

I miss my almost weekly travels to the original Sprinkles' in Beverly Hills. It's where I first started my love of cupcakes (that and the lengthy bout with unemployment coupled with Tuesday episodes of Cupcake Wars), so I jumped on the chance to try their strawberry cupcake recipe. The cake itself is moist and has a subtle sugary strawberry taste, but ends up being almost muffin like. It's a nice base to your cupcake, but I would recommend throwing in chopped up pieces of strawberry to help emphasize that great fresh berry taste. Fresh out of the oven, this is one of the best tasting cupcakes I've had, but it loses a little something after being refrigerated.

Dark Chocolate Ganache

Adapted from The Barefoot Contessa

Servings: enough for 4 dozen cupcakes

Time: 10 minutes

8 oz dark chocolate chips

1/2-3/4 cup heavy cream

1. Choose one of two ways to go about this. Either cook the dark chocolate and heavy cream over a double boiler while stirring until melted or heat up the heavy cream (to just before boiling) and slowly add to the dark chocolate while stirring until melted. There's less chance of it seizing with the heated heavy cream method.
2. Dip cupcakes in the ganache and let cool.

This may be my favorite looking cupcake ever.

Prior to starting up the blog, I made some chocolate cupcakes with ganache coating with my baking teacher/partner Jenny, so I decided to use that same great recipe. The dark chocolate flavor adds a richness to the cupcake without making it overly sweet. Plus, biting into that hard chocolate shell really helps recreate that chocolate covered strawberry experience. It's a large but welcome contrast from the strawberry cake.

Type 2: The Chocolate Base

Chocolate Cupcake

Modified From Anne Thornton

Previously Seen in Cupcake Saturday Part Deux

Servings: 24 cupcakes

Time: 40 minutes (plus cooling, filling and frosting)

2 sticks unsalted butter, softened

2 cups all-purpose flour

3/4 cup Dutch processed cocoa powder

1 1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp sea salt

1 1/4 cup packed light brown sugar

1/2 cup granulated sugar

4 eggs, room temp

1/3 cup semisweet chocolate, melted and cooled

1 tbsp vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups buttermilk, well-shaken

Strawberry filling (recipe follows)

Frosting (options follow)

I could've made even more had I not eaten half of the batter.

1. Preheat the oven to 350.
2. Sift the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt into a large bowl. Set aside.
3. Cream the butter and sugars together in a mixer on medium until light and fluffy.
4. Add the eggs one at a time until fully incorporated.
5. Mix in the melted chocolate and vanilla well.
6. Alternate adding the dry ingredients and buttermilk at low speed (dry -> buttermilk -> dry -> buttermilk -> dry). Be sure to scrape down the sides after each cycle and then lick the spatula. Be careful not to overmix.
7. Fill lined cupcake tins 2/3 full with the batter.
8. Bake for 18-24 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean. Make sure you rotte halfway through.
9. Let cool in a wire rack then core and fill with strawberry filling and frost. Top with a chocolate covered strawberry.

This is my go-to chocolate cupcake recipe (that oddly enough was originally for whoopie pies). The cocoa powder and melted chocolate yield a fantastic chocolate taste that helps make this moist and bouncy cake a personal favorite.

Strawberry Filling

From Easy Cake Ideas

Servings: Enough to fill a solid 80+ cupcakes

Time: 15 minutes plus cooling

2 1/2-3 cups strawberrys, destemmed

3/4 c sugar

3 tbsp cornstarch

1 cup water (divided 3/4 cup and 1/4 cup)

It kind of looks like a heart to truly hit that holiday spirit.

1. Combine the strawberries, sugar and 3/4 cup water in a large saucepan over medium heat until almost boiling.
2. Mix the remaining water and cornstarch well in a separate cup then add into the pan stirring constantly until boiling and thickening.
3. Let cool then fill in the chocolate cupcakes.

This is a fairly basic strawberry compote recipe. It ended up not being as thick as I would've liked, so I would recommend eliminating the first 3/4 cup of water and just adding the water and corn starch at the end since the strawberries themselves will give out a lot of juice when cooked in sugar. It had a nice gooey glazed consistency similar to your standard strawberry shortcake that went nicely with the moist chocolate cake.

The Frostings:

Strawberry Buttercream

Adapted from Sprinkles' Cupcakes

Servings: Frosting for 24 lightly frosted cupcakes

Time: 5 minutes

1/2 cup strawberries

2 sticks unsalted butter, firm and slightly cold

Pinch of coarse salt

3 1/2 cups powdered sugar, sifted

1 tsp vanilla extract

1. Puree the strawberries in a food processor. 
2. Beat the butter and salt in a food processor with the paddle attachment over medium speed until light and fluffy.
3. Reduce the speed to low and slowly add the powdered sugar until well combined (about 1 cup at a time). 
4. Mix in the vanilla and 3 tsp of the strawberry puree until just blended. Overmixing will lead to too much air being incorporated, but the frosting should be dense.
5. Add about a tsp worth of frosting on top of each cupcake. This will be smushed down considerably by the chocolate covered strawberry, so don't overdo it.

I wanted to complete the Sprinkles' experience, so I made one batch of the frosting. This might be my favorite buttercream yet (although it can't stand up to the soma that is cream cheese frosting). It's a very dense frosting, but it works nicely since you only need a small dollop of it. The strawberry really comes through to bring this frosting and the cupcake home.

Whipped Cream

Adapted from Alton Brown

Previously Seen in Tres Leches

Servings: Enough to frost all the cupcakes

Time: 5 minutes

2 cups heavy whipping cream

8 oz sugar

2 tsp vanilla extract

1. Whisk the whipping cream, sugar and vanilla extract together at medium speed until peaks start to form.
2. Ramp it up to high speed until it thickens (but not so much that it appears buttery).

I've used this whipped cream recipe at least 5 times now, and I think I love it more every time. It's full of vanilla flavor that somehow manages to make the chocolate covered strawberry garnish even more mouthwateringly incredible than before. This is a simple frosting, but I think it ends up working even better than the strawberry buttercream (which is saying something).

Chocolate Covered Strawberries

Whole Strawberries, washed and dried well

1/2 bag dark chocolate chips

1/2 bag semisweet chocolate chips

1/4 bag white chocolate chips

1. Mix the dark and semisweet chocolate and melt in the microwave at 50% power in 30 second intervals until completely melted stirring well after each round. 
2. Melt the white chocolate in the same way.
3. Dip the strawberries in the melted dark chocolate then place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
4. Dip a fork in the white chocolate and drizzle it over the covered strawberry.
5. Let the chocolate set for half an hour.
6. Top your frosted cupcakes or eat 50 at a time.

If you're going to eat horribly on Valentine's Day, you might as well make sure you have your options. Both of these cupcakes replicate that chocolate covered strawberry feel I was going for, and both quickly entered my pantheon of cupcake greatness. If I had to pick a winner, I would have to choose the chocolate cupcakes with strawberry filling and whipped cream frosting. That strawberry center is an amazing surprise that blends expertly with the chocolate cake and whipped cream. In the end, these were bound to be a classic as soon as you bite into that giant chocolate covered strawberry garnish. Everything after that is just gravy, absurdly good sweet gravy.

But the fun of Valentine's Day was only just beginning. Stay tuned for the truffles and sugar cookies that will guarantee your sweetheart falls madly in love with you (and that your dentist despises you).

And now the moment you've all been waiting for:

The simple questionnaire to apply to be my girlfriend:

This could be you!

1) Is your name Robin or does your name cause people to expect a large Nordic man? 

2) Have you seen The Jerk? If yes, describe how hard you laughed.

3) When is Mole Day or Pi Day?

4) Speaking of pie, do you like yours a la mode or plain?

5) The greatest season of television ever was ____.

6) What are the odds of us having normal sized children?

Leave your answers in the comments and wait 2-4 weeks for processing.

Happy Valentine's Day, faithful readers! I hope it was filled with sugary goodness.

Thanks to my lack of self restraint, there's even more to come!

British for a Day: Scones, Scones & More Scones!

Sunday brunch is, at its heart, a time to feel fancy. And let's be honest; nothing feels fancier than pretending to be British (well maybe wearing a monocle, but the two don't have to be mutually exclusive). For this weekend's adventure in brunching, I decided to go with the coffee shop darling scone. As always, I can't allow myself to make just one kind of anything, so I made blueberry, strawberries and cream and chocolate chip scones. Now let's hop across the pond for a bloody good pastry to stuff in your gob (If you were to bet on the number of overused English sayings that will appear in this post, you should take the over. May God have mercy on my soul.).


Blueberry Scones
Modified from Food Network
Servings: 8-12 scones
Time: 35 minutes

I find throwing pennies in this well leads to an odd copper taste.

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tbsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp sugar
5 tbsp unsalted butter, cold & pea-sized
1 cup fresh blueberries
1 cup heavy cream, plus more for brushing 
Powdered sugar
Milk
Vanilla Extract

The slightly sticky (yet manageable) dough

1. Preheat the oven to 400 F.
2. Sift the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar together in a large bowl.
3. Cut in the butter. You can use two forks or a pastry blender to cut it in, or you can go old school and mash the pieces with your fingers. The end result should produce coarse crumbs.
4. Fold the blueberries into the batter gently with a rubber spatula. If you're too rough, your scones will have nice blueish purple stains throughout.
5. Make a well in the center of the dough and pour in the heavy cream. Fold it together until everything is incorporated and a sticky dough forms (don't overwork it).
6. Press the dough out on a lightly floured surface until it's about 1/2 inch to 1 inch thick and solidly together (again be careful not to mash the blueberries). Since this is a sticky dough, you should coat your hands in flour first to make it more manageable. 
7. Cut your scones into the desired shape. For standard scones, first cut out rectangles then slice them diagonally in half. 
8. Place the scones on an ungreased cookie sheet and brush the tops with a small amount of heavy cream. 
9. Bake for 12-16 minutes or until they turn a golden brown.
10. Prep the glaze while you let the scones cool (this part is going to be very unscientific). Put a healthy amount of powdered sugar in a bowl and add a drizzle of vanilla. Add a small amount of milk and stir like crazy until all the sugar dissolves then add even more sugar until the glaze becomes thick.  
11. Get disgusted at how much sugar you got into that minuscule amount of glaze and pledge to work out later after brushing your teeth for an hour.
12. Pour the glaze onto the cooled scones and let harden for at least 10 minutes then enjoy.

You could stop here, but you'd have to be barking because they're far better when covered in a super dense glaze.

The blueberry scone is probably the variety that most people are familiar with, so I knew the pressure was on to get this one right. At first, I feared they weren't quite sweet enough, but after drizzling on that wonderful instant cavity glaze, they hit the perfect balance. They're crumbly (thanks to all that butter) like you would expect from a scone, but they are also nicely moist for an instant classic breakfast. The real treat of the scone, though, is biting into those fresh blueberries that just burst with flavor.

Strawberries and Cream Scones

The pressed out dough (notice the little bit of extra flour I added to help out)

Do everything exactly the same as for the blueberry scones except this time add blueberry sized pieces of strawberry (again be careful not to go too hard on it or you'll have a less than appetizing red dough). Also, to incorporate the cream taste into the glaze add a small amount of almond extract.

The world's most perfect scone. 

This is everything I wanted in a scone. They tasted exactly like I imagined they would when I envisioned strawberries and cream with almond extract adding the perfect notes and additional sweetness to bring this pastry home. These were so good that I crashed into Kevin's room and yelled at him to try one while he was brushing his teeth (shockingly he declined and looked at me funny but stopped short of telling me to sod off). 

English Royalty Chocolate Chip Scones

Adapted from AllRecipes.com

Servings: 8-10 scones

Time: 35 minutes

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/3 cup white sugar

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

5 tbsp unsalted butter, cold and cut pea-sized

6 oz semisweet chocolate chips

4-6 tbsp orange juice

'Ello Govna (It took every bit of willpower I have for this not to be the first words in the post)

1. Preheat the oven to 400 F.
2. Sift the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt together in a large bowl.
3. Cut in the butter like mentioned in the blueberry recipe until you have coarse crumbs.
4. Stir in the chocolate chips. 
5. Mix in the orange juice until a dough forms. The more orange juice you put, the more workable the dough will be (and the greater the hint of orange in the background will be).
6. Pat or roll the dough down on a lightly floured surface until it is 1/2 inch to 1 inch thick. (This dough won't be nearly as sticky as the fruit scone one).
7. Cut into the desired shapes and place on a lightly greased baking pan.
8. Bake for 12-16 minutes or until they start to become golden brown.
9. Spend the rest of your day talking in a cockney accent since no one can get annoyed with you because you made them awesome scones.

Just by reading the name of these English Royalty scones, you should know exactly why I chose this recipe (I may have debated forcing Kevin and Alexis to refer to me as "your majesty" while sampling these.). There's actually a huge difference between these and the other scones as these are far more traditional with an extra crumbly texture. The chocolate chips (and extra sugar) go a long way to make these an extremely sweet scone (notice how they don't get glaze) that could work as a dessert and not just for breakfast. Oddly enough, the orange juice ends up shining by adding an intriguing backend that pairs surprisingly well with the chocolate.

I'm seriously getting some crazy mileage out of these display plates.

This is the most fun I've had pretending to be British since Bryan's Batgirl #22. Feel free to wear the giant bearskin hat while baking to make things more authentic (and check out Bryan's new donut-centric blog. It's well worth your time since he does this writing stuff for a living.)

Combined, the three delightful scones made for one of my favorite brunches yet (and provided my coworkers with the tastiest Monday staff meeting ever). The wonderful medley of fresh fruit and chocolate generated something for everyone to love (and if you're not a fan of sweet just toss out the glaze). Seriously, it seemed like everyone I talked to had a different favorite (meaning everyone is crazy since strawberries and cream is clearly superior), so I highly recommend you try them all. 

Perhaps I need to stop being such a useless knob and visit England (surely my good friend Brandon has a couch to crash on), so I know what it's actually like instead of just spouting out random sayings (But I just don't think my little heart could handle finding out it doesn't live up to the stereotypes. I'd probably say "bollocks" and cry over some biscuits and tea when I didn't see the giant foot from Monty Python crush anything.).

Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie

Since our first pie was the envy of all other pies, Robin and I decided to give it another go. She was able to set aside her hatred of strawberry-rhubarb pie (a warranted distaste for it based on having had one bite 6 years ago), so that we could make my favorite pie this time. For my birthday one year, Robin got me one of these amazing pies from House of Pies, which I then ate entirely by myself because college was a wonderful time of high metabolisms. This time, I was determined to ignore my gluttonous tendencies and share it with others (a true test of everything they taught us in Kindergarten).

Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie
Adapted From Food Network
Servings: 1 pie
Time: 150 minutes

Shockingly, Robin thought sugar coated fruit tasted sweet.

1 Crust Recipe
3 cups strawberries, de-stemmed and halved
2 1/2 cups rhubarb, chopped
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 tbsp minute tapioca
1 tbsp all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp lemon zest
1/2 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 tbsp butter, cubed small
1 egg white beaten with 1 tsp water
Coarse sugar
Vanilla ice cream

Our crust. The top reminds me of Boo from Super Mario World.

This assembles much easier than the lattice.

1. Make the crust dough according to the recipe from the link provided. Helpful hint: roll out the dough between two sheets of parchment paper for the best results. 
2. Preheat the oven to 425.
3. Combine the strawberries, rhubarb, sugar, tapioca, flour, cinnamon, lemon and vanilla together in a large bowl. Mix well to evenly coat.
4. Lay one piece of dough over the pie plate. Add in the filling and dot with butter. Then cover with a second sheet of dough. Make sure you cut holes into the top for ventilation.
5. Brush the crust with your egg wash and sprinkle on the sugar.
6. Collar the ends with aluminum foil to help prevent them from burning then bake for 15 minutes.
7. Lower the temperature to 375 and bake for another 40-50 minutes until the filling starts to bubble.
8. Remove from the oven to cool then serve with a healthy scoop of vanilla ice cream.

We really need to get proper pie cutting utensils.

Warm strawberry-rhubarb pie cut with some melty vanilla ice cream is a true thing of beauty. That first bite into the gooey deliciousness made all my worries disappear. This pie was absolutely incredible, but could use a few minor improvements. The filling came out a little liquidy (which has since been remedied with a day in the fridge) and had a tiny bit too much lemon. Also, it wasn't quite tart enough, so I would try for a more even ratio of strawberry to rhubarb next time.  One interesting thing I found is that the pie actually seems to have gotten better the second day, probably since the flavors have had some more time to come together.

What a happy looking pie. I almost feel bad eating it. Almost.

Additionally, the crust came out even better than last time, and the parchment paper rolling made it a lot easier to make. In the overall pie war, however, I think the cherry pie (for once) actually wins out as far as flavor goes, but the strawberry-rhubarb is a close second (and would definitely win with the previously mentioned fixes).

I'd say we're just a few pies and a detective agency away from being able to open our own quirky pie diner.

I'm quite happy with our first two attempts at pie. Now that we've conquered fruit pies, I think we can focus our efforts on the strange world of chocolate pies and making the world's tallest meringue (mostly I just want an awesome picture of giant meringue).

Editor's Note: Immediately after posting this, I ate a piece of pie, and it was delightful.