The Cooking Streak: Double Bean Burgers with Spicy Basil Avocado Cream

Since day 4 of the cooking streak involved the mass consumption of cheese (see Spinach Zucchini Lasagna), I needed to return to healthier, more low key ways for evening number 5. After careful consideration, I decided on a compromise between proper football watching eats and healthy hippiedom- the double bean burger.

Double Bean Burgers with Basil Avocado Cream
Adapted from How Sweet It Is
Servings: 4 large patties
Time: 20 minutes

Soon this mush will be transformed into goodness

Burger
15 oz can black beans, drained and rinsed
15 oz can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
3 tbsp fresh cilantro, chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
1/2-1 tsp smoked paprika
1/2-1 tsp onion powder
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
Red chili flakes to taste
1 large egg + 1 egg white, beaten
1/2 cup panko bread crumbs
Olive oil
Toasted buns

Spicy, creamy perfection

Spicy Basil Avocado Cream
2/3 cup sour cream
1 avocado
10 basil leaves
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
Red chili flakes to taste
Sriracha to taste

1. Mash the beans together in a large bowl.
2. Stir in the cilantro, garlic, smoked paprika, onion powder, salt, pepper, and red chili flakes.
3. In a separate bowl, mix the beaten eggs and panko together.
4. Combine the panko egg mix with the beans until well incorporated.
5. Form the bean mixture into patties.
6. Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Cook the patties for 3-5 minutes per side until a nice crust forms.
7. While the burgers are going, combine the sour cream, avocado, basil leaves, salt, pepper, red chili flakes, and sriracha together in a food processor or blender until smooth. 
8. Serve the burgers topped with the avocado basil cream on toasted buns.

Success! It looks like an actual patty!

Herbs were the key to this burger's deliciousness. The patty itself may have been primarily beans, but the cilantro really stood out. As for the cream, the powerful basil made its mark in a wonderfully smooth yet sneakily spicy sauce that helped even out the somewhat dry burger. Be careful when making this to get a good crust on the patty and a nice toast to the bun, or you may end up with quite the mushy mess on your hands. In the end, this was one non-traditional burger that really managed to pack in the flavor for a unique and filling meal.

Banh Mi Burgers with Pickled Carrots & Daikon and Fresh Baguette Buns

In our never-ending quest for the world's most perfect burger, Kevin and I found ourselves drawn to the powers of darkness. We could see the vivid flames of its shirt. It was a story as old as time itself. Good versus evil. Man vs. Guy Fieri.

We wanted to honor the purest of the pure chefs- Cafe TH owner and banh mi artist, Minh Nguyen with a burger befitting his Vietnamese oasis, but in doing so, would we have to embrace the Prince of Frosted Tips?

The Devil went down to Houston. He was looking for a soul to steal...

Banh Mi Burgers
Adapted from DDD
Servings: 5 Burgers
Time: 60 minutes (not counting the buns)

My first ever hand formed patties

Full Assembly
Patty
Baguette buns (recipe below)
Pickled carrots (recipe below)
Pickled daikon (recipe below)
Jalapeno, sliced
Cucumber, sliced
Cilantro
Sriracha Aioli (recipe below)

Patties
1 lb ground pork
1 lb ground beef
4-6 oz shrimp, peeled, deveined and chopped
Sriracha, salt and pepper 

So damn fishy

Marinade
3/4 cup fish sauce
12 oz wheaty beer
1/2 cup sugar
Juice of 2 limes
1 tsp pureed ginger
1 tsp turmeric
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 stalks lemongrass, thinly sliced lengthwise
2 Thai chiles, seeded and thinly sliced
Sriracha to taste
1 shallot, diced
3 sprigs Thai Basil, torn
3 Sprigs mint, torn

Fire

Sriracha Aioli
Mayo
Sriracha
Cayenne Pepper
Salt
Pepper
Garlic Powder
Jalapeno Juice
Pureed Jalapeno
Juice of 1/2 a lime

Char-grilling is key

1. Become ridiculously tired from working late.
2. Start to think that Guy Fieri is making sense and become enamored with a recipe on Diner, Drive-ins and Dives (Triple D! ::fist pump::)
3. Realize that Cafe TH does not serve dinner on Saturdays, so if you want a banh mi, you have to make it yourself. ::light bulb::
4. Form the patties by mixing together the sausage, beef, shrimp (chopped well so that the patty stays in tact), sriracha, salt and pepper. 
5. Make the marinade by mixing all the ingredients together in a large bowl.
6. In a separate bowl, whisk the aioli ingredients together until smooth. You can vary the level of spicy by changing how much mayo/ hot stuff you put in. Also, in case you're wondering where jalapeno juice comes from, after you puree your jalapenos, you can strain out the juice (5 jalapenos is like 1 1/2 tsp).
7. Get your grill hot. 
8. Dip the patties in your marinade then grill one side. Bring the patties back to the marinade and repeat.
9. Once the patties are cooked to the desired level, dip back in the marinade one final time and get a nice sear on the grill quickly.
10. Assemble your burgers by putting the patties on your fresh baguette buns and topping with banh mi staples cucumber, jalapeno, cilantro, pickled carrots and pickled daikon radish. Drizzle on the aioli and enjoy.
11. Be forever thankful that you resisted the urge to buy bowling shirts and give your hair spiky blonde highlights.

The burger was actually everything we hoped for when we began this crazy, sleep deprived journey. The char-grill from searing the marinade made the patty, and the mix of pork, beef and shrimp provided an interesting burger. We were a little worried it would be overly fatty from the pork, so we went with lean 90-10 beef. It really needs a little fattier beef, however, so be sure to step up the unhealthiness. The crunch of the cucumber, jalapapeno, pickled carrot and daikon really hit the standard banh mi notes, and the sriracha aioli added a necessary creaminess. However, in hindsight, we should've created a rich sriracha butter instead, like Minh's French Butter banh mi spread. The main problem was that when you're craving a banh mi, you really should just eat one. No matter how hard we tried with our burgers, they'd never reach the heights of a Gluttonous Ellis, Heartthrob or Zombie from TH.

The first ever animated GIF on the site (click it if it stopped playing). Coming soon: Buzzfeed's Top 10 Hottest GIFs of Terry Eating Burgers.

Pickled Carrots and Daikon Radish

Adapted from The Smitten Kitchen

Servings: Way more than you need for 5 burgers

Time: 90 minutes (inactive for 80 of that)

5 carrots, peeled and cut thinly

1 daikon radish, peeled and cut thinly

1 1/2 cups water

1 1/4 cups apple cider vinegar

1/3 cup sugar

4 garlic cloves, lightly crushed

1 1/2 tbsp dill seeds

1 1/2 tbsp salt

Bam! You're about to get pickled (Not just the worst cooking line but also the worst pickup line)!

1. Place the carrots and daikon in separate heatproof bowls
2. Bring the water, vinegar, sugar, garlic, dill seeds and salt to a bowl in a pot. Let simmer for 2 minutes
3. Pour the liquid on top of the carrots and daikon THROUGH A STRAINER (to get rid of the dill seeds).
4. Let sit for at least 90 minutes before using.

Pickley deliciousness

The pickled veggies are what set a banh mi apart from a normal sandwich. They added a crispness and acidity that the sandwich needed to go with the freshness of the cucumber, jalapeno and cilantro. Unlike my previous attempt at pickling (see Dr. Pepper Braised Brisket Tacos with Pickled Onions), these actually taste pretty solid on their own.

Baguette Buns

Adapted from Cooking Channel

Servings: 4-6 Buns

Time: 90 minutes (inactive for 60)

2 packets dry active yeast

2 tbsp honey

Warm Water

3 1/2 to 4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

2 tsp salt

Olive Oil

3-4 ice cubes

I shall call him doughy, and he shall be mine.

1. Mix the honey, yeast and 1/2 cup warm water well. Let sit until the yeast activates and the mix foams (about 5 minutes)
2. Combine the flour and salt in a large stand mixer with a dough hook attached. Slowly add in the yeast while mixing.
3. Slowly pour in up to an additional 1 cup warm water until the dough comes together in to a workable, non-sticky ball.
4. Knead the dough on a floured surface until nicely elastic (3-6 minutes).
5. Round the dough into a ball and place in a large, lightly oiled bowl (I also turn the dough over a few times in the bowl to oil it). Cover and let rise to double the size (25-30 minutes).
6. Divide the dough into the sized buns you want. Score with diagonal cuts from a knife.
7. Cover and let rise for another 25-30 minutes to double in size again.
8. Preheat the oven to 450 F and set it up so the middle and bottom racks have shelves. Place an empty baking pan on the bottom rack.
9. Once the buns have risen, put then in the oven. Also, add the ice cubes to the pan on the bottom rack (but make sure they don't touch any windows in your oven as that temperature shock could be quite bad). This will create steam to help with generating a crust on the outside.
10. Bake for 12-15 minutes until golden brown and crispy. Let cool on wire racks.

Step one to opening a boulangerie in Paris complete

The highlight of the night was far and away the fresh baguette buns. They weren't quite as crispy as I hoped (probably from me running my oven a little low to compensate for its craziness, but throwing them on the grill helped), but they were incredibly delicious (as all freshly baked super carbs are). Despite not appearing in the ingredients, these buns were surprisingly buttery. As easy as they were to make, I'll be sure to use these again for actual baguettes some day.

You can practically tell that it's going to displace your jaw.

While the burgers proved to be quite satisfactory (if not quite reaching the Mt. Olympus of Vietnamese Sandwiches), we did experience one of our grandest fails ever. Stay tuned for the price we paid for putting our trust in Guy Fieri- our ultimate shame of Daikon Radish Fries.

Jerk Burgers with Grilled Pineapple and Yucca Fries

This doesn't even come close to describing how incredible the burger was (and it's a tasty looking pic).

In my never-ending quest to become a full fledged adult male, there are still certain tasks I need to master. While I may be an expert at the art of drinking a beer after a long day of work and lounging around in a white t-shirt and boxers on a recliner, I still need some guidance in things like grilling and changing the oil in a car. Following a long post vacation week back at work, I figured it would be a great time to pick Kevin's brain again for at least more answers on how to man a grill (since my gut tells me oil comically pouring all over my face like sitcoms have taught me will happen just wasn't going to serve as dinner).

Starting with our Texas Burgers, Kevin and I have come to understand that our destiny is to make the world's juiciest, most ridiculously over-thought burgers. Friday, we continued chasing that dream with an assist from Tovy and a hastily thrown together vision of a Jamaican burger paradise that was somehow executed to perfection.

Jerk Sauce
Adapted from About
Servings: 11/2 cups
Time: 15 minutes

1/4 cup ground Jamaican allspice
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
6 garlic cloves
3-4 Scotch bonnet peppers, seeded and cored (use gloves)
1 tbsp thyme leaves
1 bunch green onions, chopped
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 tbsp soy sauce
8-10 oz Red Stripe 
Juice of 1/2 to 1 lime
Salt and Pepper to taste

Until I figure out how to create a scratch and sniff blog, you will just have to trust me that the spicy, tasty sauce was much better than being just blandly brown looking.

1. Convince your eager to contribute friend, Tovy, to chop the peppers.
2. Assert your manliness in front of your friends by saying you'll try the Scotch bonnet pepper to see how spicy it is. Do not show weakness.
3. Liquify all the ingredients together in a blender.
4. Realize it's gritty thanks to the allspice. 
5. Attempt and fail to strain it. 
6. Resign yourself to the fact that you're gonna use this for basting and not as a straight up sauce (plus it's way too liquidy anyway).

In case it wasn't painfully obvious from the instructions, I initially envisioned the jerk sauce as a condiment for our burgers, but settling for using it for basting proved surprisingly effective. Like any good caribbean inspired cooking, it had a nice balance of spicy with a little bit of sweet. It was a powerful yet delicate combination of spices (and beer) that enhanced the rest of our meal without overwhelming it.

Jerk Burgers

Servings: 3-4 Burgers (only limited by amount of beef)

Time: 30 minutes

Guess the most important ingredient

1 lb ground beef (we used 85/15 grass-fed)

Buns

1 Pineapple, sliced and cored

1/2 white onion, diced

1 orange bell pepper, diced

1 yellow bell pepper, diced

3 jalapenos, seeded and diced

Lime

Pepper jack cheese

Jerk Sauce (see above)

Salt and Pepper to taste

Well packed, but not overly so with colorful veggies

1. Form 3-4 patties by combining the meat with onion, bell pepper and jalapenos. Be careful not to overdo it on the fillings or the burgers will lose all structural integrity. Season with salt and pepper. Reserve the extra veggies.
2. Wrap the veggies tightly in aluminum foil with some jerk sauce. Let steam on the grill for about 15 minutes until super fragrant and soft.
3. Grill the pineapple until there are nice grill marks (about 3-5 minutes per side).
4. Lime everything up! Rub the grill with half a lime then put lime juice on top of our patties. 
5. Grill the patties for about 4-5 minutes per side for a juicy medium. Brush with the jerk sauce about twice per side. Finish off with some cheese for the final couple of minutes.
6. Top grilled buns with a patty, a pineapple slice and your steamed jerk veggies.
7. Declare success.

   
   

   The unflipped pineapple was ostracized and brutally discriminated against.

   Let's be honest this entire night was really just an excuse to grill pineapple. Plus, it served as my first ever attempt to pick out the most succulent, ripe pineapple in a store and proudly butcher it. 

Kevin brilliantly saved our lack of sauce with his steamed jerk "salsa".

Super poorly lit basting pics are probably the world's next "selfie".

These burgers can best be described as having endless layers of juiciness. The burgers themselves, were expertly grilled to a nice medium that was bolstered up even more by beautiful inner workings of veggies and the lime and jerk sauce infusion. Spice from the basting and pepper jack cheese was countered by the sweet pineapple and topped with a little kick from our makeshift salsa, proving that jerk seasoning is not just reserved for chicken.

Like any proper burger, it was difficult to hold in one hand (especially when they are somewhat small and girly like mine)

Yucca Fries

Time: 30 minutes

2 or so lbs of Yucca

Oil for frying (we used peanut)

Salt and Pepper to taste

Transforming the yucca from odd (not at all phallically shaped), wax covered super starch into tender strips ready for frying.

1. Preheat the oven to 200 F.
2. Peel the yucca and chop it into your preferred fry shape and size (although I doubt curly will work here). Remove any excess stringy material.
3. Boil the yucca in water with a little oil and salt until tender (about 10-15 minutes). Drain well and let cool.
4. Get a large pot ~half filled with oil to 370 F. Fry for 5-7 minutes per batch turning occasionally.
5. Remove the fries to a plate lined with paper towels to get rid of excess oil. 
6. Toss with salt and pepper on a baking sheet and transfer to the oven to keep warm.

The yucca is now incognito and surprisingly delicious.

To keep with our island theme, I wanted something to sub in for our usual fries or tater totty goodness. The even starchier yucca was the ultimate choice, narrowly beating out jicama due to the store not having any. The tender, boiled yucca had us worried, but once fried, it crisped up nicely while maintaining its inner softness, yielding a welcome replacement to standard every day potatoes.

Luckily for Kevin and Tovy (and our already elevated cholesterol), I witheld the urge to put a fried egg under the pineapple.

Together, we three combined our man powers of chopping, grilling and drinking beer (which oddly enough was the original way to summon Captain Planet) for the perfect way to celebrate a hard earned weekend. Fortunately, the search for the world's greatest burger is a Sisyphean task that will keep us occupied for many a weekend grilling to come.

Cowboy Burgers, Shiner Onion Rings and the Great Hot Sauce Taste Test of '14

There's one food that unites both young and old, rich and poor- the almighty burger. Following the amazingness that was last week's Super Sushi Saturday, Kevin and I decided we needed to honor the world's most perfect meat based dish and our Texas sensibilities.

Burgers, extravagant amounts of fried food, mouth numbing hot sauce and the comedic genius of Stripes meant we were in for one hell of a Saturday night (I may have typed Friday accidentally because I was that tired from the week itself).

Cowboy Burgers
Servings: 3-4 burgers
Time: 20 mintutes

1 lb ground beef (we went 80/20 Angus)
3-4 slices cheddar, cut up additional
1/4 onion, diced
2-3 jalapenos, diced
Garlic powder
Salt and pepper to taste
Bacon, pan-fried
Toasted buns
Shiner Onion rings (see below)
BBQ sauce

Orderly chaos in one magnificent burger patty. 

1. Mix the ground beef, cut up cheddar, diced onion, jalapeno, garlic powder, salt and pepper together in a large bowl. Form into 3-4 patties (we're making cowboy burgers so go big!).
2. Grill the burgers to a nice medium rare (3-4 minutes per side, flipping only once).
3. Top with bacon, more cheddar, onion rings (and potentially fried jalapenos) and BBQ sauce.

Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool  (Hey why doesn't my keyboard work anycocdodkdodk?) 

The Cowboy Burger is the ultimate burger. During my brief tenure as a sad, homesick grad student at UCLA, the Bomb Shelter's Cowboy Burgers kept me going (well that and the amazingly beautiful campus). It harkens back to our childhood tastes which tell us that putting crispy things on top of food (a la potato chips or French fries) is the ultimate in culinary achievement. Add in the tangy BBQ sauce, Kevin's masterfully, always medium rare perfection burgers, crispy juicy bacon, and (un)healthy doses of cheddar, jalapeno and onion, and you just might have the single best thing you can fit in your hand.

While crazy stuffed, I still think we need to make it a two-hander for proper Cowboyness.

Shiner Onion Rings (and other fried goodness)

Servings: A surprising amount

Time: 20 minutes

1 cup flour

10 oz Shiner (drink the final two ounces because Cowboys are not wasteful)

Sriracha

Black Pepper

Cayenne

Salt

1 yellow onion, cut into rings and separated

Jalapenos cut into strips

Potatoes rinsed, dried and cut into strips

Tony Chachere's Seasoning

Peanut oil (or other if, you know, allergies)

We bought 3 onions. This is what you get after just one. Excess achieved!

1. Preheat the oven to 200 F.
2. Whisk the flour, Shiner, sriracha, black pepper, cayenne and salt together in a large bowl.
3. Fill a large pot 1/3 full with the oil and heat to 370 F.
4. Lightly batter your onion rings, jalapenos and/or French fries (because just frying them without batter would be far too carb-conscious for a cowboy).
5. Drop whatever your heart desires into the super hot oil. Fry for 3-4 minutes, flipping once.
6. Remove with a slotted spatula or spoon, and place on a plate covered in paper towels to remove excess oil.
7. Sprinkle with Tony Chachere's seasoning.
8. Transfer to the oven to stay warm in between batches. 

There was a mountain of fried options. We regret nothing!

On this most glorious of food nights, I was the fry master. For the past several years, I have watched Kevin have total command of grease cooking from his wings to our recent Sapporo Tempura. At last, it was my time to shine! Since Kevin was busy manning the grill (a skill my brain needs to absorb from him soon, so I can achieve maximum manliness levels), I was working the frier to make the side dish of destiny for our burgers of transcendence (Kevin suggested this because he "works with words"). Everything from the onion rings to the jalapenos and fries were crispy and nicely seasoned, providing the ultimate sidekick to our night of being 'Murrican. Texas Forever, Street. Texas Forever.

Onion rings aren't your only frying options. Jalapenos and the burger staple, French fries, are also ripe for the beer battering and frying.

The Great Hot Sauce Taste Test of '14

My new Rogue's Gallery of hot sauces.

Recently, I decided I needed to start collecting something. Since stamps seemed too boring and American Girl dolls just seemed a little weird, I decided hot sauce should be my thing. Thanks to the beauty of online shopping, I had some of the most popular sauces from hotsauce.com and Houston's own Big Daddy Hot Sauce on the way to remind me that I make stupid decisions. Given that the packages arrived yesterday, this night of burgery goodness was perfect for our testing grounds.

The hottest of the hot.

It turns out, I made surprisingly good choices when picking my conveniently bottled peppery doom. From a pure taste perspective, Bee Sting Honey Mustard and Pickapeppa Gingery Mango provided the best deliciousness additives that were light on spice for enjoyment by anyone. Big Daddy's Amplified Heat Mean Smokin Green combined a beautiful smokiness with medium heat to really up our burgers, while CaJohn's El Chupacabra Hot Sauce, A Little Nukey and Big Daddy's Ass Burn were by far the spiciest. A Little Nukey had some nice but not overpowering heat from the get-go. Ass Burn had a fantastic spicy back end (see what I did there), but El Chupacabra made us hallucinate weird goat sucking monsters and sweat like crazy with its unrelenting assault on our mouths. Overall, the best combo of taste and heat goes to Big Daddy's High on Fire, which I love so much I'd drink it if not for my concern for my taste buds.

This was definitely a far better decision than stamps. Stay tuned for the rest of my weekend honoring Harold Ramis and the best collector of spores, molds and fungus the world has ever known with Ghostbusters and the Sunday of appreciation for the  most distinguished straight-man ever.  May he have received total consciousness.