Jalapeño Parmesan Sriracha Biscuits

Following the unprecedented run of deliciousness seen from Hummingbird Cupcakes to 3 kinds of Wookie Pies, the blog took a much needed vacation to Hawaii to show off the fantastic swimsuit bod afforded by the aforementioned dessert successes. Now, with a week to recover from too much sun, beautiful sights, and piña coladas, it was time to ease back into the kitchen while working on the more savory side of things with some spicy breakfast biscuits.

Jalapeño Parmesan Sriracha Biscuits
Adapted from All Recipes
Servings: 8-10 biscuits
Time: 30 minutes

By far the classiest thing we've used our wine glasses for

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp granulated sugar
1/3 cup shortening
1 cup milk
1/4-1/2 cup pickled jalapeños, chopped
1/2 cup parmesan cheese, shredded (but you could use cheddar)
1-2 generous squirts of sriracha
Honey butter

At this point, I was already ridiculously excited.

1. Preheat your oven to 425 F.
2. Whisk the flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar together in a large bowl.
3. Cut the shortening in until the mix resembles coarse meal. 
4. Stir in the milk gradually until the dough pulls away from the side of the bowl and a workable dough forms. You can add excess flour 1 tbsp at a time if you overdo it on the milk.
5. Stir in the jalapeños, cheese, and Sriracha.
6. Knead the dough ~10 times (don't overhandle it) on a lightly floured surface.
7. Roll or pat the dough out to about 1/2" to 1" thick. Cut with a large cutter or glass dipped in flour.
8. Place on an ungreased baking sheet, and bake for 13-15 minutes until the edges start to brown.
9. Brush with honey butter then let cool.

Every morning should start like this (and by morning I mean afternoon, because holiday)

These biscuits were everything I was hoping for to kick off my lazy Memorial Day. The jalapeño and Sriracha brought great spice and flavor that went marvelously with our leftover BBQ, while the cheese and honey butter made every bite melt in your mouth smooth. These biscuits had fantastic crispy tops surrounding fluffy perfect insides. My only regret was having to use parmesan instead of cheddar since our fridge was sadly lacking, but it was a small sacrifice to make for not having to change out of my pajama pants and leave the house. Thanks to the success of my first biscuit attempt, I would love to experiment more with culinary variables like butter and buttermilk (really anything with butter in it) in my never-ending quest to build the perfect breakfast.

Delicious BBQ sold separately (courtesy of Smoky Oak Taproom)

New Year's Lasagna

For some odd reason, Robin decided that we needed food to go along with our Drunk Prussian Champagne Punch this New Year's Eve. Despite my protestations that the sherbert in the punch constituted food, Robin continued to demand fanciness from our soiree. She sent along a lasagna recipe she had been eyeing, and I got to prepping while waiting for her to come home and give me excuse to start drinking champagne without feeling shame.

Would this lengthy recipe be the first true test of our living together, or would we ring in the New Year with happy, full bellies?

Four Cheese Sausage and Spinach Lasagna
Adapted From Host the Toast
Servings: 8-12
Time: 3 hours

Sauce
1 tbsp olive oil
1 lb sweet Italian sausage, casing removed
8 oz diced prosciutto
1 medium onion, chopped
5 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbsp tomato paste
2 28 oz cans whole Roma tomatoes with juices
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp dried basil
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp red chili flakes

Ricotta
32 oz Ricotta cheese
2 egg yolks
1 cup basi leaves, chopped
1 pinch nutmeg
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper

The Rest
1 box lasagna noodles 
Water
10 oz fresh spinach
1 lb mozzarella cheese, sliced
8 oz provolone cheese, sliced
Parmesan cheese
Fresh Basil

1. Make the sauce. Heat olive oil over medium heat in a large pot. Sauté the sausage, prosciutto, and onion together until the sausage is browned and the onion is translucent (~ 10 minutes).
2. Forget to take any pictures while trying to get everything made before your guests arrive.
3. Stir in the garlic and tomato paste and cook for an additional minute.
4. Add in the canned tomatoes, sugar, oregano, basil, salt, pepper, and chili flakes. Let simmer on low for at least 30 minutes or until the rest is ready. Use the back of a wooden spoon to break apart and squish the tomatoes as they soften.
5. Prepare the ricotta mix by whisking the Ricotta, egg yolks, basil, nutmeg, parmesan, salt, and pepper together in a bowl. Set aside.
6. Preheat the oven to 375 F.
7. Layer the noodles in a 9"x13" baking dish with one noodle placed diagonally between each layer. Cover with warm, near boiling water and let sit for 20 minutes, so the noodles are tender but not fully cooked. Drain the noodles and pat dry.
8. Spray the baking dish with non-stick spray, and cover the bottom layer with sauce.
9. Make a layer of noodles with each slightly overlapping to cover the bottom fully. Top with 1/2 of the ricotta, provolone, mozzarella, and half the spinach. Repeat for a second layer. Then make the top layer with noodles, sauce (if there's room to not overflow, which we did not have), mozzarella, provolone, and parmesan. 
10. Cover with foil and bake for 30 minutes. Remove the foil, add fresh basil, and cook for another 30 minutes. It is useful to have a rimmed baking sheet under the pan to catch overflow.
11. Let cool and serve.
12. Enjoy days upon days of the greatest lasagna known to man.

Having this many ingredients inside a lasagna means it is pretty much impossible to get a good looking picture of it. 

Aside from actually making the noodles yourself, this may have been the most time consuming lasagna I can think of (much worse than my first post of Tofu Kale Lasagna or a Zoodle version), but it was so worth it. It made the entire Stouffer family quake in their shoes. Each bite somehow found a way to present even more melty glorious cheese than the last, while the Italian sausage and spinach brought explosive flavor. The odd noodle soaking step is a must in lasagnas, as the resulting noodles were the most perfect I had ever consumed and absorbed the sauce beautifully while cooking. Despite having oodles of leftovers to ring in our new year, we never got tired of this amazing feast, and we may have shed a tear when the baking dish was finally empty.

We enforced a very strict dress code for our party. I wore only my finest pajama pants.

Stay tuned for the rest of our New Year's celebration featuring the pure unfiltered insanity of a Drunk Prussian fueled shortcake decorating contest.

Would my shortcake take the gold, or would I spend my night sobbing to Ryan Seacrest?

The Cooking Streak: Spinach and Zucchini Lasagna

Momentum seemed to be building as my cooking streak hit 3 days last night, but if I was going to make it 4 straight, I was gonna need help. With my kitchen in shambles from the nonstop bombardment of pumpkin cheesecake muffins, veggie stroganoff, and my Indian extravaganza, I required a new workspace (maybe I should just move whenever the pots and pans pile up). Naturally, I decided to take over the kitchen of Kevin, the man who I used to take advantage of count on to keep my kitchen clean. But the great cooking streak bandwagon wasn't done yet. We also got a hand from new friend to the blog, Michaela, who is as renowned for her skill of stealing her sister's mandolin as she is for her gluten-allergy.

Could the three of us work together to create the perfect noodle-free lasagna, or would Kevin's shiny new kitchen be reduced to a pile of rubble?

Spinach and Zucchini Lasagna
Adapted from Primavera Kitchen
Servings 8-10
Time: 90 minutes

Is there anything Kevin can't do?

2 tbsp olive oil
1/2 onion, diced
8 oz mushrooms, sliced
4 garlic cloves, crushed
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 28 oz. can crushed tomatoes w/ juice
4 baby carrots, shredded
Red Chili flakes to taste
Oregano to taste
Salt and Pepper to taste
2 tbsp chopped fennel
1 tbsp chopped fresh basil
3 cups spinach
15 oz. ricotta
1 large egg
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
4 medium zucchini sliced 1/8" thick
16 oz shredded mozzarella cheese

If your'e lazy, just dip garlic bread repeatedly in this sauce.

1. Preheat the oven to 375 F.
2. Saute the onions and mushroom in olive oil over medium heat until soft and translucent (6-8 minutes).
3. Add the garlic and saute for an additional 2 minutes.
4. Stir in the tomato paste, crushed tomatoes, shredded carrots, oregano, red chili flakes, salt and pepper.
5. Cover and bring to a low simmer for 20 minutes. Then add the fennel and let cook for an additional 5 minutes. 
6. Remove from heat and add basil and spinach, incorporating well.
7. Mix the ricotta, Parmesan and egg together in a medium bowl.
8. Coat the bottom of a 9x12 casserole dish with the sauce.
9. Layer 5-6 zucchini slices to cover.
10. Make another layer of the ricotta cheese mix and mozzarella.
11. Repeat until you run out of room.
12. Top with sauce and mozzarella.
13. Bake 50 minutes covered (turning once) and 10 minutes uncovered. You want a delicate balance between the noodles being malleable but not mushy and the cheese not being burnt. 
14. Let cool for 10 minutes before eating.

Sadly, the foil took away a large chunk of cheese in the middle. This cheese still somehow managed to make its way into my stomach.

A lot of work may have gone into this lasagna, but it was absolutely worth it. The sauce was spot on with the perfect blend of Italian spices, that heat from the chili flakes, and the wonderful substance provided by the spinach and mushrooms. Zucchini was a superb noodle substitute (plus the term "zoodle" is pretty fun to say), but the real star (as it should be) was all of the glorious cheese. The ricotta/Parmesan combo was as satisfying as anything you'll find this side of manicotti, and the mozzarella provided all the gooey, stretchy cheese fun your clogged heart desires. This dish may not have gone a long way toward my goal of turning 30 in the best shape of my life, but it at least made sure I'll be a lot more satisfied when I do.

And now the stages of lasagna making!

1) The layering stage- a time of so much hope and promise.

2) The assembled stage- when you realize you still have over an hour before you eat and get sad.

3) The longing stage- note: be careful not to burn yourself on the oven.

4) The fall apart stage- because screw you, Pinterest, that's why!

Super Bowl Sunday: Denver and the Double Cheddar Beer Bread

For this year's super bowl, I didn't want to merely make a dish to help everyone be properly gluttonous. I wanted to create two distinct offerings celebrating the two very different teams playing. After much careful thought (and consulting with my oh so wise sister), I determined that the two defining traits of Seattle and Denver were coffee and beer, respectively.

This allowed me to make both sweet and savory contributions to the unbelievably delicious spread at Danielle's fancy grown up house. For Seattle, I would make White Mocha Caramel Frappuccino cupcakes, and for Denver, I'd rely on Coors, the only thing more synonymous with the Mile High City than snow, to make a super savory and hearty Cheddar Beer Bread.

Double Cheddar Beer Bread
Adapted from Food.com
Servings: 1 Loaf
Time: 70 minutes

Cheddar: It's Grate!

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup sugar
1 12 oz can beer (I used Coors Original in honor of Denver)
2 cups assorted Cheddar (I used Irish and Aged English), grated
1/4 cup melted butter

1. Preheat the oven to 375 F.
2. Whisk the flour, baking powder, salt, sugar and beer together in a large bowl.
3. Stir in you cheeses.
4. Pour in to a greased (use a little of the melted butter) 9"x5" loaf pan.
5. Top with additional cheese and the melted butter.
6. Bake for 50-60 minutes or until nicely golden brown. 

And then your apartment will smell like cheddar and beer, and you will know what true happiness is.

I don't even know how to describe how amazing this bread was. Seriously, stop what you are doing and go make it now. The hardest part was grating the cheese (and apparently you can buy it pre-grated! Oh, what a world we live in!). With 5 mere minutes of prep, you can have amazing bread baking in your oven and delighting your olfactory senses.

By the time I realized I needed a pic of the inside of the bread, this was all that was left.

The bread tastes exactly like its name implies. A heavy hitting of cheddar compliments a fantastic beer backdrop (for reals, this is the best use of Coors since me using it to learn how to talk to girls in college) in one phenomenal bread experience. Just make sure you measure the flour properly (fluff it with the spoon before putting it into a measuring cup without compacting) or sift it so that you end up with the right bready consistency (or at least so the reviews led me to believe, but why wouldn't you be properly measuring flour already?). The only way that this could possibly be made better is by combining it with the filling from Kevin's amazing Stuffed Mushrooms (which I did so many times that I later felt shame). This truly was the best performance by anything relating to Denver in the Super Bowl.

I'm sorry to have let my dad down by not using his beloved silver bullets, but how was I supposed to pass up the fancy commemorative bottles?

Stay tuned for the winning Seattle Seahawks inspired dessert- White Mocha Caramel Frappuccino Cupcakes.

Fancy Mother's Day Brunch: Bacon Cheddar Waffles

Kevin's pictures are more artsy than mine.

This year, I decided to do something really special for Mother's Day. With the help of culinary partner in crime Kevin, I would create the most decadent and fancy Mother's Day Brunch in the history of women having babies. We would tackle not one, but two kinds of waffles- the desserty Choco Waffle with Raspberries and the savory Bacon Cheddar Waffle. It would be a feast to rival even our usual weekend staple breakfast tacos. We just forgot one small detail- actually having our moms there for the fanciness.

Bacon Cheddar Waffles
Adapted from Bonappetit.com
Time: 30 minutes
Servings: 12 waffles

Bacon
1 3/4 cups flour
1 tbsp sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp sea salt
3 large egg whites
3 large egg yolks
1 cup butter, melted (I would suggest halving this)
1 cup  buttermilk
3/4 cup club soda
non-stick vegetable oil spray
Cheddar Cheese
Eggs for poaching

Fluffy egg whited batter

1. Preheat the oven to 250 F.
2. Fry up some bacon. Bask in the smell of bacon kitchen.
3. Preheat the waffle iron to a very hot setting.
4. Whisk the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and sea salt together in a large bowl. Set aside.
5. Mix the egg yolks, melted butter, buttermilk and club soda together in a medium bowl.
6. Beat the egg whites to medium-soft peaks.
7. Slowly whisk the wet ingredients in with the dry ones until well mixed.
8. Gently fold in the egg whites.
9. Spray the waffle iron to prevent sticking.
10. Pour batter into the iron, making sure to spread it out to the corners.
11. Sprinkle on cheddar and bacon.
12. Cook until crispy.
13. Keep warm in the oven.
14. Poach eggs.
15. Top waffles with poached eggs and glorious mounds of additional cheese and bacon.

The waffles may have spread quite a bit in the iron. Unfortunately, I suggested we make them in my kitchen.

Prepare for a full meal from these ultra savory and rich waffles. Magically combining an entire breakfast in to convenient waffle form was a stroke of absolute genius. The bacon and cheddar really make these crispy flavorful rectangles pop, while the poached egg serves as a perfect gooey substitute for syrup. While these waffles were incredible, I would definitely recommend cutting back on some of the butter and enjoying them with a glass of orange juice to cut it somewhat. Just be prepared to be incapacitated for several hours afterwards (which conveniently meant I could do nothing else but write).

Fun fact: My mom is about as tall as one of the waffles

Stay tuned for the sweet end to our Mother's Day Brunch Bonanza- Choco Waffles.

Mom's Diner: Chili Cheese Fries

Sadly, my mom did not acquire a Bob's Big Boy suit for me to take proper pictures. Sigh, I thought she loved me.

I recently took a road trip back home to Louisiana to see my parents and some friends. Naturally, a team-up with the first person whose cooking I ever enjoyed was in order, putting an interesting spin on my usual hibernation pattern of eating lots and sleeping for 12 hours at a time that usually occurs when back home. My mom was anxious to show off her new diner themed kitchen (and to finally cook with me where I'm actually contributing instead of sitting there and snacking). Since, like me, my mother doesn't understand self-control (there's probably something about an apple pie and a tree to be said about that), four amazing calorie-filled dishes were born. Chili Cheese Fries, Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwiches, Apple Pie and Cajun Eggs Benedict helped my mom assert that if she brought me into this world, she could sure as hell take me out of it with heart disease.

My parents enjoy their new diner kitchen (and the alcohol in those mimosas). 

Chili Cheese Fries
Adapted from Rachel Ray
Servings: 4
Time: 45 minutes

Add caption

4 large Idaho potatoes, cut lengthwise into 6 wedges
2 tbsp grill seasoning
2 tbsp plus 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, divided

Chili
2 1/2 lbs lean ground sirloin
1 large onion, diced
4 cloves of garlic, minced
2 tbsp chili powder
2 tsp ground cumin
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Butter would become a theme of the weekend

1 can Rotel tomato sauce
1 can regular Rotel (with diced tomatoes and green chilies)
2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 bottle dark beer (we used Abita Amber)

Cheese Sauce
3 tbsp butter
3 tbsp flour
2 tbsp yellow mustard
1 cup milk
1 cup chicken stock
2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese

After quite some time, we finally had chili with the proper thickness.

Cheese sauce: nuff said

1. Preheat the oven to 450 F.
2. Place the potato wedges on a baking sheet. Drizzle them with olive oil and toss to coat.
3. Bake in the oven until crispy golden brown (approximately 40 minutes), turning once halfway through.
4. While waiting for the fries, start your chili by heating 2 tbsp olive oil in a large pot. Add the ground sirloin and cook until browned. Make sure you break the meat into small pieces.
5. Push the meat to the side and add the onion, garlic, chili powder and cumin. Sauté until the onion and garlic softens (about 6 minutes) then season with salt and pepper.
6. Stir in the tomato sauce and Rotel. Continue cooking for about a minute or until a sweet smell and slight carmelization occur. 
7. Pour in the beer and Worcestershire sauce and let simmer until well thickened.
8. Melt the butter in a separate pot. Sprinkle in the flour and cook for a minute. 
9. Mix in the mustard. Then whisk in the milk and stock until thickened. 
10. Remove the pot from heat and stir in the cheese.
11. Top your fries with the chili and cheese sauce and enjoy.

You can practically see the calories.

First, I'd like to point out (as my mother did so many times) that the fries are actually baked, so they're not that bad for you (also, since the cheese is in sauce form, the same surely applies). This was quintessential diner food at its best. The fries had a nice crispness to them that was perfectly complimented by the hearty chili and gooey cheese sauce for some unbelievable salty goodness. The chili was so good that it would've worked fine on its own, but the slight hint of mustard from the cheese sauce really brought things to another level. This messy dish had us off to a nearly flawless start, but the best was yet to come. Stay tuned for more whacky adventures at Mom's diner (think the Pumpkin and Honey Bunny scene from Pulp Fiction).

Recipe Revisited: Sausage & Mushroom Cannelloni

As we ventured into the heart of Houston in search of food on Easter Sunday, we were constantly shutout at closed venue after closed venue (seriously, Chipotle, you can't be that holy). We knew we would have to take matters into our own hands and make a spectacular Easter Family Dinner. We also knew that we were feeling quite lazy (as my sweat pants could attest), so the bachelor staple spaghetti quickly came to the forefront of our discussion. Seeing how it was a special day, I decided we should make a more spectacular pasta with help from one of my first posts, a transformed spinach and mushroom cannelloni.


Cannelloni Noodles
Adapted from All Recipes
Previously Seen in Spinach & Mushroom Cannelloni
Servings: 15 noodles
Time: 20 minutes

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups water
6 eggs
1 tsp salt

1. Whisk the ingredients together in a large bowl until there are no lumps.
2. Pour 1/4 cup of batter into a lightly greased frying pan over medium heat and move in a circular motion to evenly spread.
3. Cook until the top begins to change color and thicken then remove to a plate. They will keep cooking once removed, so wait to stack them on top of one another until the tops are completely done.

These noodles are ridiculously delicious and practically melt in your mouth. Even after making these twice, I can't believe that cooking what is essentially a noodle pancake has such fantastic results. I upped the salt for this go around to bump the flavor a little, and it worked wonderfully. Just make sure that when you cook these, you take them off before they're fully cooked so the backside doesn't get too hard. If cannelloni isn't your thing, these extremely worthwhile noodles could also be utilized for a lasagna.

Mushroom, Zucchini, Sausage & Cheese Filling

Time: 30 minutes

Olive Oil

Butter

Onion, diced

Garlic, minced

Sweet Italian sausage, ground

Salt and Pepper to taste

Red pepper flakes

Mushrooms, sliced

Zucchini, chopped

Jalapeno, chopped and seeded

Garlic Powder

Dried Basil

Oregano

Ricotta cheese

Mozzarella cheese, grated

Pasta sauce (I suggest tomato and basil or vodka sauce) 

Luckily, the ugly filling gets covered up by the shell.

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Brown the sweet ground Italian sausage in olive oil with salt, pepper and red pepper flakes. Set aside.
3. Sauté the onion, garlic, mushroom and zucchini in olive oil with salt, pepper, garlic powder, dried basil and oregano until tender.
4. Mix in the sausage and pasta sauce and cook until the sauce is warmed.
5. Spread a little sauce (try to use mostly sauce and save the meat and veggies for the filling) over the bottom of baking dishes.
6. Mix the sauce (go for mostly the meat and veggies this time) with the cheeses for a two to one ratio of cheese to sauce in a separate bowl.
7. Fill each cannelloni shell with 1-2 tbsp of filling then roll and place roll side down in the baking dish. Pack tightly. Place the filling on the side of the cannelloni that was cooked since it's the uglier side, and vanity is everything.
8. Top with the remaining sauce and mozzarella. Bake for 10 minutes or until the mozzarella is melted and the noodles are warm.

The perfect sauce for pasta.

Kevin's sauce creation was the epitome of Italian goodness. The sweet Italian sausage's powerful flavor (including some fantastic bites of fennel) was brought out even more by the onion, garlic, mushroom and zucchini. Yes, zucchini is in the pasta sauce. I've noticed that green veggies actually go pretty well with your typical tomato sauces, so this is definitely something I want to experiment with in the future. Additionally there was a nice, subtle kick from the red pepper flakes and jalapeno that managed to enhance the flavor without distracting from it.

Naked noodles

Ricotta and mozzarella aren't the most commanding cheeses but they round out the filling brilliantly. The ricotta helps create a nice creamy and somewhat fluffy component, while the mozzarella (especially the cheese on top) helps push this almost toward a lasagna style.  Feel free to vary the ratio of cheese to meat and veggies, but I would definitely err toward the side of cheese for a more traditional approach.

Two giant casserole dishes filled for 3 hungry men.

As amazing as I thought the original spinach and mushroom cannelloni was (and I highly recommend it for a great vegetarian Italian night), this latest iteration absolutely blew Easter dinner away (thanks largely to the fact that I knew exactly how to handle the noodles this time). This was definitely a quick and easy way to turn a standard Italian night into something fresh and exciting that was just absolutely bursting with flavor.

Super Bowl Sunday: Queso: The Cheese of the Future!

Fear not faithful readers, I am indeed still alive and now suddenly have time to catch up on all the tasty posts that chronicle my inevitable yet delicious heart failure. Today's entry is the greatest thing to happen to chips since the invention of televised football: the gooey and delightful Tex-Mex staple known as queso. Queso is practically the reason I moved back to Texas. Everywhere I went in Los Angeles was sadly lacking in the melted cheese department, and my life felt ever so hollow.  Even my dog Gumbo loved queso (especially when it was on top of popcorn. Maybe there's a reason he only lived to the age of 10).

Nancy shows how it's done.

Queso
Adapted from The Homesick Texan
Servings: Enough for all your guests at the big game
Time: 20 minutes

A healthy dose of peppers

1/2 onion, diced
4 cloves of garlic, minced
2 serrano peppers, diced
2 jalapeno peppers, diced
2 tbsp butter
2 tbsp flour
1 cup milk (plus extra for desired consistency)
6 cups shredded Monterrey Jack and cheddar cheese
1/2 cup cilantro, chopped
1 tomato, diced
1/2 cup sour cream
Salt to taste
Chips, lots and lots of chips

1. Melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium-low heat. 
2. Sauté  the onions and peppers and cook until tender and translucent (about five minutes).
3. Add the garlic and cook for a minute.
4. Whisk the flour into the cooked vegetables and cook for 30 seconds.
5. Stir in the milk and cook while constantly whisking until thick (about five more minutes).
6. Mix in the cilantro and tomato.
7. Decrease the heat to low and gradually stir in the cheese about 1/2 a cup at a time until melted.
8. Add the sour cream and salt to taste. If the consistency is off, add more milk.
9. Leave over low heat to keep it from congealing. Make sure to stir it occasionally. 
10. Attempt to eat your weight in chips and queso.

Queso: It's the stretchiest!

This queso managed to somehow surpass the Velvetta and Rotel concoction that reigned supreme at so many college parties. The peppers gave it a nice but not overpowering level of heat, while the melted goodness had the proper stretchiness to gooeyness ratio (especially after letting it sit over low heat for about 15 extra minutes). Overall, this was a fantastic and simple recipe to make sure any big event reaches the government mandated melted cheese quota.

And of course the Super Bowl wouldn't have been complete without guac.

Together with guac, Kevin's chili (a little dollop of queso goes a long way in the chili) and my specially decorated red velvet whoopie pies, the super bowl party was a smashing success that didn't even require such an exciting game (truth be told I missed half of the action since I was too preoccupied with stuffing my face).

Tofu Kale Lasagna

Lasagna is the kind of dish that almost always disappoints me. Perhaps, as my brother-in-law suggested, it's from the horrible variations of it we were subjected to throughout grade school. This dish turned out to be a pleasant surprise.  To combat the feeling that lasagna is boring, I recommend calling it "Italian Enchiladas".

Servings: 8-10
Time: 70 minutes

The Sauce:

2 tbsp butter
1/2 onion, chopped
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1/3 cup of vodka 
2 cans of crushed tomatoes
1-2 tsp dried basil
1-2 tsp dried oregano
Salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper to taste
Pinch of brown sugar



This is my variation of a vodka sauce minus the heavy cream (and delightful pink color). I find that the cream kills a lot of the flavor and adds a bunch of unnecessary fat.

1. Sauté the onion and garlic in butter until they become soft and translucent.
2. Add the vodka and reduce by about half.
3. Mix in the crushed tomato and spices and cook for at least half an hour to let the flavors absorb.

The rest of the recipe is adapted from Clean Food by Terry Walters. This is my go to book for vegetarian dishes. It's actually vegan, so I just substitute in actual milk and cheese.

With a name like that, you just know she's brilliant and can be trusted.

7 sun-dried tomatoes

12 lasagna noodles

6 garlic cloves, minced

1/2 onion, chopped

4 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

8 oz baby bella mushrooms

1 1/2 packages of firm tofu, drained

2 tbsp dry basil

Salt, pepper, oregano, and crushed red pepper to taste

1 bunch kale, chopped

1 package  (1 1/2 cups) shredded mozzarella 

1. Preheat the oven to 375.
2. While preparing your sauce, get the noodles ready by cooking in boiling water until soft.
3. Sauté the garlic and onions in your olive oil until soft.
4. Add in the mushrooms and cook for another 3 minutes.
5. Crumble in the tofu (be sure to press it tightly to remove excess water first) and spices and stir for 5 more minutes.
6. Fold in kale and cook covered for 3 minutes. The kale should now be a darker green and softer.
7. Now it's time to assemble the lasagna. Cover the bottom of a lasagna pan (approximately 9"x12") with sauce.
8. Make a layer of noodles and top with half of the filling. Cover this in sauce and mozzarella.
9. Repeat for the second layer then make one final layer of noodles covered in the remaining sauce and cheese.
10. Cover tightly with aluminum foil and bake for 35 minutes making sure to turn halfway through.
11. Remove the foil and cook uncovered for 10 minutes.

Mmm cheese.

As is always the case, food covered in melted cheese is delicious. The kale ends up working better than the traditional spinach because it's firmer, so it doesn't degrade into a soggy mess upon cooking. Add some crushed red pepper on top to give it a nice kick and enjoy.