Jalapeño Parmesan Sriracha Biscuits

Following the unprecedented run of deliciousness seen from Hummingbird Cupcakes to 3 kinds of Wookie Pies, the blog took a much needed vacation to Hawaii to show off the fantastic swimsuit bod afforded by the aforementioned dessert successes. Now, with a week to recover from too much sun, beautiful sights, and piña coladas, it was time to ease back into the kitchen while working on the more savory side of things with some spicy breakfast biscuits.

Jalapeño Parmesan Sriracha Biscuits
Adapted from All Recipes
Servings: 8-10 biscuits
Time: 30 minutes

By far the classiest thing we've used our wine glasses for

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp granulated sugar
1/3 cup shortening
1 cup milk
1/4-1/2 cup pickled jalapeños, chopped
1/2 cup parmesan cheese, shredded (but you could use cheddar)
1-2 generous squirts of sriracha
Honey butter

At this point, I was already ridiculously excited.

1. Preheat your oven to 425 F.
2. Whisk the flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar together in a large bowl.
3. Cut the shortening in until the mix resembles coarse meal. 
4. Stir in the milk gradually until the dough pulls away from the side of the bowl and a workable dough forms. You can add excess flour 1 tbsp at a time if you overdo it on the milk.
5. Stir in the jalapeños, cheese, and Sriracha.
6. Knead the dough ~10 times (don't overhandle it) on a lightly floured surface.
7. Roll or pat the dough out to about 1/2" to 1" thick. Cut with a large cutter or glass dipped in flour.
8. Place on an ungreased baking sheet, and bake for 13-15 minutes until the edges start to brown.
9. Brush with honey butter then let cool.

Every morning should start like this (and by morning I mean afternoon, because holiday)

These biscuits were everything I was hoping for to kick off my lazy Memorial Day. The jalapeño and Sriracha brought great spice and flavor that went marvelously with our leftover BBQ, while the cheese and honey butter made every bite melt in your mouth smooth. These biscuits had fantastic crispy tops surrounding fluffy perfect insides. My only regret was having to use parmesan instead of cheddar since our fridge was sadly lacking, but it was a small sacrifice to make for not having to change out of my pajama pants and leave the house. Thanks to the success of my first biscuit attempt, I would love to experiment more with culinary variables like butter and buttermilk (really anything with butter in it) in my never-ending quest to build the perfect breakfast.

Delicious BBQ sold separately (courtesy of Smoky Oak Taproom)

Brinner Madness: Sriracha Waffles

In this period of life transition where I currently reside, I have come up with a new life goal- to make waffles more often (Yep, I'm definitely getting a little ambitious over here. It's a good thing that I'm too young to run for president...). Perhaps I am overcompensating for the loss of my beloved Parks and Rec, or maybe my body is expressing its cravings for delicious breakfast-fare that my usual granola bar as I leave the house just can't satisfy.

Tonight I found myself in a brinner kind of mood, and it was time to try a savory waffle after the previous two Funfetti and Chocolate varieties. Could I find inspiration in the ghosts of Kimchi Pancakes from long ago and deliver a spicy dish worthy of the sriracha name?

Sriracha Waffles
Heavily Modified from All Recipes
Servings: 4-6 waffles
Time: 20 minutes

1 egg, beaten

If it doesn't appear super-saturated with sriracha, then you're not done.

1 cup plus 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp granulated sugar
2 tsp baking powder
Pinch of salt
3/4 cup and 2 tbsp milk
1/4 cup vegetable or canola oil
1/2 white onion, diced
1 jalapeno, seeded and diced
Sriracha, to taste (but use loads of it)
Turkey sausage patties
Eggs, fried or poached
Cheddar cheese, grated
Black Pepper

1. Beat the eggs, flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, milk, and oil together in a medium bowl until a smooth batter forms.
2. Mix in tons of sriracha. Then just when you think you have enough, put at least 25% more.
3. Stir in the jalapeno and onion.
4. Pour into a preheated waffle iron until crispy and golden ~5 minutes. These are best served fresh for maximum crispness, but you can keep them warm in an oven preheated to 200 F while you work through the batches.
5. Top with sausage patties, egg, cheese, black pepper, and additional sriracha.

Feel free to just roll it up and eat it like street food at this point. 

By itself, this spicy waffle would make a wonderful hand-held snack, but combined with the day starting power of sausage, a poached egg, and cheese, this became a hearty meal for the ages deserving of a spot amongst the Brinner of the Gods (I'm also pretty sure I figured out Taco Bell's next big campaign). The crispy veggie filled waffle provided exactly the spicy sriracha goodness I was hoping for and should be wrapped around all breakfast foods imaginable, while the gooey ruptured poached egg brought each and every bite together in beautiful breakfast-y harmony. Sometimes, it's good to succeed at your life's goals no matter how insignificant or delicious they may be.

Is there any greater satisfaction in life than breaking an egg yolk? Feel the power!

Sriracha Cookies aka The Hot Robin

Sometimes you get an idea that's just crazy enough to work. Fortunately, I had plenty of crazy to turn into culinary thoughts thanks to spending far too much time surrounded by only animals during the current job hunt. I had previously made the already insane Robin cookies (they're curry, cardamom, and cinnamon based, how does that even work as a dessert?) once back in Houston, but their inspiration was not able to enjoy them. As a result, it only seemed right to finally make some for her in her night shift care package (see Chicken Fideo Soup). But I would not be satisfied with simply repeating myself. No, I would make them even more ridiculous than ever by adding the next most ludicrous cookie component I could think of, the spice of the gods known as Sriracha, to complete my Frankensteinian quest and breathe life into THE HOT ROBIN!

The Hot Robin
Modified from The Spice House and My Original Robin Cookie the Triple C
Servings: 36-48 cookies
Time: 30 minutes (+ 4 hours resting)

The batter should provide a nice tingle when tried

1 cup butter, softened
2 cups brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tbsp pure vanilla extract
3 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp curry powder
1/2-1 tsp ground cardamom
1/2-1 tsp cinnamon
Sriracha to taste
1 cup salted, roasted pecans, chopped

1. Get really bored during your search for a job while waiting for your significant other to return home and allow your Netflix binging to continue.
2. Cream the butter and brown sugar together.
3. Beat in the eggs and vanilla until thoroughly incorporated.
4. Whisk the dry ingredients together in a separate bowl then add in multiple increments until smooth. 
5. Stir in the pecans.
6. Get brave and decide to put sriracha in a batch because surely this can't be the craziest thing you've ever done. This makes 4 batches of cookies, so I'd suggest reserving at least half to give you the full experience of sriracha vs. sriracha-free. You want to add enough to give a light red tint to the dough. Fortunately, cookie dough is fun to eat and delicious, so do a taste test before proceeding.
7. Wrap each batch in saran wrap and refrigerate for at least 4 hours.
8. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
9. Slice the dough into the desired size cookies (around 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick) and place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
10. Bake for 12-14 minutes or until golden.
11. Let cool on the baking sheets for 2 minutes then transfer to wire racks to finish.
12. Enjoy comparing both equally delicious versions of The Robin.

You can practically see the spice waiting to be devoured

Sure there may have been 3 batches of standard Robin cookies to ensure our sweet-tooths would not be disappointed, but I was, nevertheless, still worried about the outcome. I needed this win, and I got it. The Hot Robin was a tremendous success! Just like it would have in an actual meal, the sriracha worked beautiful magic with the curry and cardamom to enhance the already unique experience. Reminiscent of my Fiery Red Hot Red Velvet Cupcakes, the cookies featured a fantastic tingly hit of spice on the backend without being overwhelmed by it yielding a cookie worthy of its namesake. For best results, pair with tea and a good book.

Or if you're not quite adventurous enough, you could try the standard, less colorful but equally delightful Robin cookie.

Banh Mi Burgers with Pickled Carrots & Daikon and Fresh Baguette Buns

In our never-ending quest for the world's most perfect burger, Kevin and I found ourselves drawn to the powers of darkness. We could see the vivid flames of its shirt. It was a story as old as time itself. Good versus evil. Man vs. Guy Fieri.

We wanted to honor the purest of the pure chefs- Cafe TH owner and banh mi artist, Minh Nguyen with a burger befitting his Vietnamese oasis, but in doing so, would we have to embrace the Prince of Frosted Tips?

The Devil went down to Houston. He was looking for a soul to steal...

Banh Mi Burgers
Adapted from DDD
Servings: 5 Burgers
Time: 60 minutes (not counting the buns)

My first ever hand formed patties

Full Assembly
Patty
Baguette buns (recipe below)
Pickled carrots (recipe below)
Pickled daikon (recipe below)
Jalapeno, sliced
Cucumber, sliced
Cilantro
Sriracha Aioli (recipe below)

Patties
1 lb ground pork
1 lb ground beef
4-6 oz shrimp, peeled, deveined and chopped
Sriracha, salt and pepper 

So damn fishy

Marinade
3/4 cup fish sauce
12 oz wheaty beer
1/2 cup sugar
Juice of 2 limes
1 tsp pureed ginger
1 tsp turmeric
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 stalks lemongrass, thinly sliced lengthwise
2 Thai chiles, seeded and thinly sliced
Sriracha to taste
1 shallot, diced
3 sprigs Thai Basil, torn
3 Sprigs mint, torn

Fire

Sriracha Aioli
Mayo
Sriracha
Cayenne Pepper
Salt
Pepper
Garlic Powder
Jalapeno Juice
Pureed Jalapeno
Juice of 1/2 a lime

Char-grilling is key

1. Become ridiculously tired from working late.
2. Start to think that Guy Fieri is making sense and become enamored with a recipe on Diner, Drive-ins and Dives (Triple D! ::fist pump::)
3. Realize that Cafe TH does not serve dinner on Saturdays, so if you want a banh mi, you have to make it yourself. ::light bulb::
4. Form the patties by mixing together the sausage, beef, shrimp (chopped well so that the patty stays in tact), sriracha, salt and pepper. 
5. Make the marinade by mixing all the ingredients together in a large bowl.
6. In a separate bowl, whisk the aioli ingredients together until smooth. You can vary the level of spicy by changing how much mayo/ hot stuff you put in. Also, in case you're wondering where jalapeno juice comes from, after you puree your jalapenos, you can strain out the juice (5 jalapenos is like 1 1/2 tsp).
7. Get your grill hot. 
8. Dip the patties in your marinade then grill one side. Bring the patties back to the marinade and repeat.
9. Once the patties are cooked to the desired level, dip back in the marinade one final time and get a nice sear on the grill quickly.
10. Assemble your burgers by putting the patties on your fresh baguette buns and topping with banh mi staples cucumber, jalapeno, cilantro, pickled carrots and pickled daikon radish. Drizzle on the aioli and enjoy.
11. Be forever thankful that you resisted the urge to buy bowling shirts and give your hair spiky blonde highlights.

The burger was actually everything we hoped for when we began this crazy, sleep deprived journey. The char-grill from searing the marinade made the patty, and the mix of pork, beef and shrimp provided an interesting burger. We were a little worried it would be overly fatty from the pork, so we went with lean 90-10 beef. It really needs a little fattier beef, however, so be sure to step up the unhealthiness. The crunch of the cucumber, jalapapeno, pickled carrot and daikon really hit the standard banh mi notes, and the sriracha aioli added a necessary creaminess. However, in hindsight, we should've created a rich sriracha butter instead, like Minh's French Butter banh mi spread. The main problem was that when you're craving a banh mi, you really should just eat one. No matter how hard we tried with our burgers, they'd never reach the heights of a Gluttonous Ellis, Heartthrob or Zombie from TH.

The first ever animated GIF on the site (click it if it stopped playing). Coming soon: Buzzfeed's Top 10 Hottest GIFs of Terry Eating Burgers.

Pickled Carrots and Daikon Radish

Adapted from The Smitten Kitchen

Servings: Way more than you need for 5 burgers

Time: 90 minutes (inactive for 80 of that)

5 carrots, peeled and cut thinly

1 daikon radish, peeled and cut thinly

1 1/2 cups water

1 1/4 cups apple cider vinegar

1/3 cup sugar

4 garlic cloves, lightly crushed

1 1/2 tbsp dill seeds

1 1/2 tbsp salt

Bam! You're about to get pickled (Not just the worst cooking line but also the worst pickup line)!

1. Place the carrots and daikon in separate heatproof bowls
2. Bring the water, vinegar, sugar, garlic, dill seeds and salt to a bowl in a pot. Let simmer for 2 minutes
3. Pour the liquid on top of the carrots and daikon THROUGH A STRAINER (to get rid of the dill seeds).
4. Let sit for at least 90 minutes before using.

Pickley deliciousness

The pickled veggies are what set a banh mi apart from a normal sandwich. They added a crispness and acidity that the sandwich needed to go with the freshness of the cucumber, jalapeno and cilantro. Unlike my previous attempt at pickling (see Dr. Pepper Braised Brisket Tacos with Pickled Onions), these actually taste pretty solid on their own.

Baguette Buns

Adapted from Cooking Channel

Servings: 4-6 Buns

Time: 90 minutes (inactive for 60)

2 packets dry active yeast

2 tbsp honey

Warm Water

3 1/2 to 4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

2 tsp salt

Olive Oil

3-4 ice cubes

I shall call him doughy, and he shall be mine.

1. Mix the honey, yeast and 1/2 cup warm water well. Let sit until the yeast activates and the mix foams (about 5 minutes)
2. Combine the flour and salt in a large stand mixer with a dough hook attached. Slowly add in the yeast while mixing.
3. Slowly pour in up to an additional 1 cup warm water until the dough comes together in to a workable, non-sticky ball.
4. Knead the dough on a floured surface until nicely elastic (3-6 minutes).
5. Round the dough into a ball and place in a large, lightly oiled bowl (I also turn the dough over a few times in the bowl to oil it). Cover and let rise to double the size (25-30 minutes).
6. Divide the dough into the sized buns you want. Score with diagonal cuts from a knife.
7. Cover and let rise for another 25-30 minutes to double in size again.
8. Preheat the oven to 450 F and set it up so the middle and bottom racks have shelves. Place an empty baking pan on the bottom rack.
9. Once the buns have risen, put then in the oven. Also, add the ice cubes to the pan on the bottom rack (but make sure they don't touch any windows in your oven as that temperature shock could be quite bad). This will create steam to help with generating a crust on the outside.
10. Bake for 12-15 minutes until golden brown and crispy. Let cool on wire racks.

Step one to opening a boulangerie in Paris complete

The highlight of the night was far and away the fresh baguette buns. They weren't quite as crispy as I hoped (probably from me running my oven a little low to compensate for its craziness, but throwing them on the grill helped), but they were incredibly delicious (as all freshly baked super carbs are). Despite not appearing in the ingredients, these buns were surprisingly buttery. As easy as they were to make, I'll be sure to use these again for actual baguettes some day.

You can practically tell that it's going to displace your jaw.

While the burgers proved to be quite satisfactory (if not quite reaching the Mt. Olympus of Vietnamese Sandwiches), we did experience one of our grandest fails ever. Stay tuned for the price we paid for putting our trust in Guy Fieri- our ultimate shame of Daikon Radish Fries.

Game of Thrones: Dragon Eggs with Fire Sauce

Making a Red Wedding Cake for my Game of Thrones Premiere Party only seemed natural, but I found myself completely stuck trying to figure out how to honor dragons. Fortunately, my sister, the world's largest Khal Drogo lover, had just the solution I was looking for. I could make Scotch eggs because what's the use of wrapping something in meat if you're not going to fry it too.

Thanks for the idea, sis. This Mamoa's for you.

Additionally, I knew this could serve as a teachable moment for the kitchen-impaired Lars. It has long been my hope to end her nights of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets (even if they are scientifically proven to be the tastiest shape there is). I was going to throw her straight into the fire (read: make her handle all the things I didn't feel like doing) and see if she truly was the Mother of Dragons.

Dragon Eggs
Adapted from All Recipes
Servings: 12
Time: 60 minutes

Lars out-peeled me 2 to 1

12 Jumbo eggs
3 lbs ground sausage (I used Jimmy Dean)
Cajun Seasoning
Hot Sauce
4 cups dried bread crumbs, seasoned
4 eggs, beaten
Oil for frying
Fire sauce (recipe below)

Teaching moment one: Get your hands covered in raw meat, so I don't have to!

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Boil the eggs by placing them in a pot and covering with water. Bring to a boil, then cover and remove from heat for 10 minutes.
3. Bring the oil to 375 F in a large pot (only fill halfway).
4. Let cool and peel the eggs.
5. Season the sausage with hot sauce and cajun seasoning (lots of both).
6. Wrap the eggs in a layer of sausage. Then dredge them through the eggs and coat with bread crumbs.
7. Fry until golden brown (about 3-5 minutes). Remove with a slotted spoon and let excess oil come off on a plate lined with paper towels.
8. Transfer to a baking sheet and cook for 10 minutes in the oven. Remove any excess oil and keep warm in the oven at 200 F.

Scotch eggs are surprisingly fun and easy to make (especially when you have someone else doing the dirty work). Plus, they also revealed some of my kitchen deficiencies. Apparently, I suck at peeling boiled eggs, but at least the cholesterol bomb of an egg deep fried in sausage will ensure I don't live long enough to feel that shame. I highly recommend seasoning/hot saucing the sausage as much as possible for the full fire effect because the breading and frying will dull it somewhat.

"Where are my dragons?!!?" (They're in your hands. Chill.)

Fire Sauce

Adapted from Olives for Dinner

Previously seen Here

Time: 2 minutes

Mayonnaise 

Sriracha

Cajun Seasoning

Dracarys! Yep, that's exactly what it was like.

1. Mix the mayo and sriracha together in approximately equal proportions (alter to control spice level). Season and stir until smooth. 

These would be worth several armies in Westeros.

Scotch eggs truly are a thing of beauty. You get to journey through the seven four kingdoms of crispy breading, meaty sausage, the tender inner soft boiled egg, and the creamy fire sauce. Plus, they look freaking giant and awesome (and it seems like they'd be fun to throw at people). Even without the opportunity to honor the most majestic imaginary creature this side of the unicorn, these giant fried balls of fury are a perfect stylish appetizer for any gathering.

The dragon eggs look slightly less intimidating when opened, revealing their inner googly eyed nature.

As far as my absurd days of cooking go, this was one for the ages. Aside from the Dragon Eggs and Red Wedding cake, we also supplied some Rosemary Potatoes that went nicely with Kevin's coincidentally prepared Rosemary Chicken Legs (it's like our minds are always in sync), and our sweet tooths were further satiated by Chocolate Covered Strawberries and Sprinkles Cupcakes (the most true food to Game of Thrones because, let's be honest, they totally look like boobies). Plus, I felt a great deal of accomplishment from helping Lars stop being the Jon Snow of cooking.

The meal was rounded off with Kevin's Rosemary Chicken, Lars' and my Rosemary Potatoes, Megan's Chocolate Covered Strawberries and Laura's Sprinkles Cupcakes.

A Very Vegan Gluten-Free Christmas: Heart of Palm "Crab" Cakes

Today's appetizers brought to you by the letter "N"!

This Christmas, I returned to the kitchen where it all started. As always, my sister refused to let me become complacent in my cooking skills. Following the "Very Vegan" Christmas challenge of 2011, my sister added a gluten-free constraint to this year's festivities. Initially my response was "God, you're the worst," but I was ready to take it head (or, more specifically, mouth) on (with only mild cheating).

Would I be able to overcome these culinary constraints and my adorable nephew who was hellbent on stealing my glasses and trapping us in the kitchen with his walker, or would I be found trying to drown my sorrows in the bottom of a glass of soy seasonal nog?


Heart of Palm "Crab" Cakes
Adapted from Olives for Dinner
Servings: 8-10 cakes
Time: 90 minutes (inactive for 60 of that)

Gluten-free sriracha and panko options

Crab Cakes
14 oz. can hearts of palm (whole)
1 tsp Cajun Seasoning (or Old Bay plus salt)
1/2 cup gluten-free panko crumbs
1/4+ cup chopped scallions
1/4+ cup frozen corn kernels
1/8+ cup minced roasted red peppers (gently squeezed dry)
Corn flour
Oil for pan frying

Sauce
Sriracha
Vegenaise
Cajun Seasoning

Seriously, the resemblance to actual crab cakes is uncanny. It even looks more real than the fake crab stuff they put in California rolls.

1. Pulse the heart of palm in a food processor ~ 3 times or mash it with a fork. Don't overdo it. You still want some chunks. 
2. Coat the heart of palm well with your cajun seasoning. Then mix in the panko crumbs, chopped scallions, frozen corn and minced roasted red pepper.
3. Sit in awe of how much this looks like crab.
4. Cover and let sit in the fridge for at least an hour.
5. Preheat your oven to 200-250 F.
6. Heat up oil (enough to cover the bottom of a pan) over medium heat (test with flour to see when it is ready).
7. Separate the mixture into equally sized round balls and gently flatten down with your palm.
8. Coat the entire cake in corn flour, making sure to remove any excess. Be careful because these will be very fragile.
9. Pan fry the crab cakes until golden (about 2-3 minutes per side).
10. Transfer finished cakes to a plate covered with paper towels to drain off excess oil.
11. Place drained crab cakes on a baking sheet and cover with aluminum foil in the oven to keep warm.
12. Mix the sauce by combining ~equal portions of sriracha and vegenaise with cajun seasoning to taste until smooth. 
13. Sit in awe of how awesome these taste.

Naked, freshly formed crab cakes (this one then fell apart 10 times on the way to frying).

Once I saw how awesome the crab cakes looked, I started to get excited, and biting into them only reinforced this. These tasted just like the real thing. The heart of palm gave it the perfect texture, while the cajun seasoning gave it just the right amount of kick and salt. Not to be forgotten, the corn, scallions and red pepper really helped round things out. These were fried to a nice crispness that wasn't overwhelmingly battered and really let us enjoy the tasty heart of palm center. 

The sauce reminded me of a spicier Cane's sauce, which means I reached one of my life's goals!

These delightful faux seafood discs (trademark pending) would've been fantastic on their own, but the sauce really helped bring things to another level. The vegenaise provided a nice, smooth and slightly thick sauce, while the sriracha and cajun seasoning added just the right amount of fiery excitement to the mix. It really managed to compliment the crab cakes without overpowering them.

And then it struck me. This would definitely look way fancier with a random "N" drizzled on it!

We were off to a surprisingly great start to our vegan gluten-free adventure. Our crab cakes were the perfect compliment to our main Louisiana course of okra gumbo, and lowercase "q" had only managed to steal my glasses once!

Stay tuned for more delicious holiday adventures that we can pretend are 100% healthy because they don't contain gluten or animal products! That totally cancels out frying. Totally...