Cowboy Burgers, Shiner Onion Rings and the Great Hot Sauce Taste Test of '14

There's one food that unites both young and old, rich and poor- the almighty burger. Following the amazingness that was last week's Super Sushi Saturday, Kevin and I decided we needed to honor the world's most perfect meat based dish and our Texas sensibilities.

Burgers, extravagant amounts of fried food, mouth numbing hot sauce and the comedic genius of Stripes meant we were in for one hell of a Saturday night (I may have typed Friday accidentally because I was that tired from the week itself).

Cowboy Burgers
Servings: 3-4 burgers
Time: 20 mintutes

1 lb ground beef (we went 80/20 Angus)
3-4 slices cheddar, cut up additional
1/4 onion, diced
2-3 jalapenos, diced
Garlic powder
Salt and pepper to taste
Bacon, pan-fried
Toasted buns
Shiner Onion rings (see below)
BBQ sauce

Orderly chaos in one magnificent burger patty. 

1. Mix the ground beef, cut up cheddar, diced onion, jalapeno, garlic powder, salt and pepper together in a large bowl. Form into 3-4 patties (we're making cowboy burgers so go big!).
2. Grill the burgers to a nice medium rare (3-4 minutes per side, flipping only once).
3. Top with bacon, more cheddar, onion rings (and potentially fried jalapenos) and BBQ sauce.

Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool. Drool  (Hey why doesn't my keyboard work anycocdodkdodk?) 

The Cowboy Burger is the ultimate burger. During my brief tenure as a sad, homesick grad student at UCLA, the Bomb Shelter's Cowboy Burgers kept me going (well that and the amazingly beautiful campus). It harkens back to our childhood tastes which tell us that putting crispy things on top of food (a la potato chips or French fries) is the ultimate in culinary achievement. Add in the tangy BBQ sauce, Kevin's masterfully, always medium rare perfection burgers, crispy juicy bacon, and (un)healthy doses of cheddar, jalapeno and onion, and you just might have the single best thing you can fit in your hand.

While crazy stuffed, I still think we need to make it a two-hander for proper Cowboyness.

Shiner Onion Rings (and other fried goodness)

Servings: A surprising amount

Time: 20 minutes

1 cup flour

10 oz Shiner (drink the final two ounces because Cowboys are not wasteful)

Sriracha

Black Pepper

Cayenne

Salt

1 yellow onion, cut into rings and separated

Jalapenos cut into strips

Potatoes rinsed, dried and cut into strips

Tony Chachere's Seasoning

Peanut oil (or other if, you know, allergies)

We bought 3 onions. This is what you get after just one. Excess achieved!

1. Preheat the oven to 200 F.
2. Whisk the flour, Shiner, sriracha, black pepper, cayenne and salt together in a large bowl.
3. Fill a large pot 1/3 full with the oil and heat to 370 F.
4. Lightly batter your onion rings, jalapenos and/or French fries (because just frying them without batter would be far too carb-conscious for a cowboy).
5. Drop whatever your heart desires into the super hot oil. Fry for 3-4 minutes, flipping once.
6. Remove with a slotted spatula or spoon, and place on a plate covered in paper towels to remove excess oil.
7. Sprinkle with Tony Chachere's seasoning.
8. Transfer to the oven to stay warm in between batches. 

There was a mountain of fried options. We regret nothing!

On this most glorious of food nights, I was the fry master. For the past several years, I have watched Kevin have total command of grease cooking from his wings to our recent Sapporo Tempura. At last, it was my time to shine! Since Kevin was busy manning the grill (a skill my brain needs to absorb from him soon, so I can achieve maximum manliness levels), I was working the frier to make the side dish of destiny for our burgers of transcendence (Kevin suggested this because he "works with words"). Everything from the onion rings to the jalapenos and fries were crispy and nicely seasoned, providing the ultimate sidekick to our night of being 'Murrican. Texas Forever, Street. Texas Forever.

Onion rings aren't your only frying options. Jalapenos and the burger staple, French fries, are also ripe for the beer battering and frying.

The Great Hot Sauce Taste Test of '14

My new Rogue's Gallery of hot sauces.

Recently, I decided I needed to start collecting something. Since stamps seemed too boring and American Girl dolls just seemed a little weird, I decided hot sauce should be my thing. Thanks to the beauty of online shopping, I had some of the most popular sauces from hotsauce.com and Houston's own Big Daddy Hot Sauce on the way to remind me that I make stupid decisions. Given that the packages arrived yesterday, this night of burgery goodness was perfect for our testing grounds.

The hottest of the hot.

It turns out, I made surprisingly good choices when picking my conveniently bottled peppery doom. From a pure taste perspective, Bee Sting Honey Mustard and Pickapeppa Gingery Mango provided the best deliciousness additives that were light on spice for enjoyment by anyone. Big Daddy's Amplified Heat Mean Smokin Green combined a beautiful smokiness with medium heat to really up our burgers, while CaJohn's El Chupacabra Hot Sauce, A Little Nukey and Big Daddy's Ass Burn were by far the spiciest. A Little Nukey had some nice but not overpowering heat from the get-go. Ass Burn had a fantastic spicy back end (see what I did there), but El Chupacabra made us hallucinate weird goat sucking monsters and sweat like crazy with its unrelenting assault on our mouths. Overall, the best combo of taste and heat goes to Big Daddy's High on Fire, which I love so much I'd drink it if not for my concern for my taste buds.

This was definitely a far better decision than stamps. Stay tuned for the rest of my weekend honoring Harold Ramis and the best collector of spores, molds and fungus the world has ever known with Ghostbusters and the Sunday of appreciation for the  most distinguished straight-man ever.  May he have received total consciousness.

Sushi Saturday: Sapporo Shrimp and Zucchini Tempura

Following our delicious start of Miso Soup, Kevin and I wanted to venture back into our American comfort zone by deep frying meat and vegetables before going into full blown sushi mode.  For our tempura goodness, we chose zucchini cut in not one but two ways (cuz we fancy) and the ever versatile shrimp (also reserved for later use in sushi rolls).

Would a giant bottle of Sapporo elevate our frying efforts to new heights or would we have to call it a night following horrible oil splash burns (which would still totally be worth it for delicious friedness)?

Sapporo Tempura
Time: 20 minutes

Equal parts flour and Sapporo beer
Cayenne Pepper 
Salt and Pepper
Sriracha (recommended improvement)
Oil for Frying
Shrimp, peeled and deveined
Zucchini, sliced thin and long or in rounds

Make sure to save some Sapporo

1. Mix the batter by whisking together equal parts flour and Sapporo with cayenne pepper, salt and pepper to taste. We highly recommend adding Sriracha for some garlic and extra kick.
2. Heat oil in a large pot to 370 F. Make sure there's plenty of extra room in the pot to prevent nice hot oil splash burns.
3. Coat your zucchini in the batter then fry for 3-4 minutes or until the golden brown and slightly puffed up. Remove with a slotted spoon and place on a plate coated with paper towels to remove excess oil.
4. Repeat with the shrimp. Feel super awesome if you manage to keep your shrimp from curling, which we were unable to do.
5. Serve with dipping sauce and enjoy.

Hmm, these veggies look super delicious.

But how could we possibly make them healthier?

Much better. 

Was there really any doubt that fried shrimp and veggies would be amazing? While, this was fantastic as expected, it surpassed our hopes for the second course thanks to the incredible Sapporo batter. The only change we would've made (in case you didn't gather it by me suggesting it in the instructions and ingredients) would be to add sriracha to the batter for a little extra kick and garlic (fortunately, we were still able to apply it directly to the end product). Our decision to cut the zucchini two ways was also a brilliant way to bring some variety to the mix, and the delicate vegetables went beautifully with our light and airy beer batter. In non-veggie related news, the tempura shrimp ranked among some of the finest shrimp I've ever had (just narrowly missing out at number one behind my mom's incredible fried shrimp). The real struggle was making sure we didn't stuff ourselves on all the tempura perfection since we still had a whole lot of raw fish to deal with and thirty minutes to kill until the sushi rice was ready.

Who shot it better? Kevin and his fancy camera?

Or me and my iPhone after I cleared enough space for pictures? (Dammit, I didn't know we could use props!)

Coming up next, the thrilling finale of entirely too much sushi for two people to eat!

The One Year Later Post: Super Bowl Sunday and Chorizo Boudin Balls

In anticipation of this year's Super Bowl, I asked Maconda about the wonderful Boudin Balls we made for last year's big game. Being from Louisiana, I absolutely love boudin in all its many delicious, fatty forms. I also thoroughly enjoy that on the drive back home from Houston I can pass through entire towns that only have billboards for their "world famous boudin".

One year later, I was thrilled to finally have the recipe in my hands. After reading the extremely long list of ingredients and steps, however, I quickly decided "screw that" and moved on to my baking adventures since I already had two things planned (see my White Mocha Caramel Frappuccino Cupcakes and Double Cheddar Beer Bread).

Even if I didn't have the energy to make them this year, they still deserve to have their story told! Now marvel at me trying to remember the details of the highlight of an event centered around overeating and drinking from over a year ago! At least we could all agree on one important detail- Maconda did most of the work.

Can the collective old minds of Maconda, Kevin and myself do justice to these fried balls of pure artery clogging goodness or will I give up as just typing the instructions makes me tired?

Chorizo Boudin Balls
From The New York Times
Servings: A whole lot of balls (or around 48)
Time: 2 hours (inactive for 1 of those)

It's the liveryest!

1 lb ground pork (or 2 lbs for less work)
3 tbsp kosher salt
1 tbsp black pepper
1 tbsp cayenne pepper
1 tbsp red chile flakes
2 tsp chile powder
2 tsp smoked paprika
2 tsp sherry vinegar
1 1/2 tsp dried oregano

1 lb roasted pork shoulder, cut into 1" cubes (or none)

2 cups chicken stock (or 1 cup for less work)

2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, chopped
3 celery stalks, chopped
4 garlic cloves, coarsely chopped
3 jalapenos, stemmed, seeded and chopped
1/2 lb chicken livers, cut into 1/2" chunks
6 cups just-cooked white rice (still warm)
1 cup chopped parsley
1 cup chopped cilantro
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup egg wash (1 egg beaten in 1 cup milk)
4 cups panko crumbs
Vegetable oil, for frying

Or you could just stop here and have what probably amounts to really tasty dirty rice

Pre-fried

1. Combine the ground pork, salt, pepper, cayenne, chile flakes, chile powder, paprika, vinegar and oregano in a large bowl. Mix well. Then cover with saran wrap and let sit at room temp for an hour. If you want less work, up the ground pork to 2 lbs and ignore the next step.
2. Instead of relaxing during that hour, poach the pork shoulder in 2 cups chicken stock for about 10 minutes until just done. Reserve one cup of the poaching liquid for later. If you decided you wanted to take the easy way out and used 2 lbs of ground pork, ignore this. Neither Maconda, Kevin nor I could remember how we actually handled this, so let's all assume it was super important.
3. Heat olive oil over medium-high heat in a large skillet and brown the seasoned ground pork mix for 5-7 minutes. 
4. Add the onion, celery, garlic and jalapenos and cook until they are tender (8-10 minutes).
5. Add chicken livers and roasted pork pieces and cook until the livers are colored on the outside but remain pink inside (about 2 minutes). Remove from heat and let cool.
6. Chop into small, even pea-sized pieces on a clean work surface.
7. Combine with the warm rice, parsley, cilantro and the reserved poaching liquid (or 1 cup chicken stock for the easier route) in a large mixing bowl.
8. Stir well (about 5 minutes) until the rice absorbs all the liquid and becomes sticky.
9. Realize you've made a terrible mistake and this is entirely too much work but that it's too late to stop now.
10. Set up 3 bowls, one each for the flour, egg wash and panko.
11. Shape the boudin mixture into golf balls. 
12. Roll the balls in flour followed by the egg wash and then the panko. Place on parchment paper until ready to fry.
13. Fill a large (big enough to save you from splashing super hot oil) pot with 3 inches of vegetable oil over high heat. Let the temp get to 375 F then add the boudin balls. Let cook for about 2 minutes or until they turn a nice golden brown.
14. Remove the balls with a slotted spoon and rest them on a baking sheet lined with paper towels. The balls can be kept warm in the oven at 200 F until all batches are done or you can (and should) just start eating them as soon as they're safe to touch.
15. Reward yourself for all that hard work by consuming roughly your body weight.

    

    Just when you thought it couldn't get any healthier

    And now for the part where I try to remember how these tasted aside from the fact that they were frigging delicious! Fried food is always the perfect compliment to a night of drinking, and these boudin balls were no exception. They were amazingly seasoned and wonderfully crunchy, but the real highlight was that inner rice filling. It really was like one amazing dirty rice stuffed fritter. The hours of hard work and million or so steps of cooking paid off with each and every bite. Why do I find myself still drooling over these a year later? Because they were without a doubt the best thing I had that Super Bowl night. Now, if I can just find the energy and determination to make these again...
    
    
    

    

    All that effort is worth it though, the second you bite into one.