Dinner with Mac & Sacha: Bruschetta

Basil, tomato, cheese and carby goodness have long dazzled the world in pizzas and pasta. Fortunately, some genius (who was surely viewed as a mad man in his time) decided these things should be put into convenient bite-sized treats known as bruschetta (No matter how hard I try, handheld pasta continues to remain a poor choice.). We thought this crunchy Italian treat was the perfect way to start kick off our grown-up feast and balance the delicate fish. Our chopping skills would be put to the ultimate test. Could we come together to create the world's most delicious appetizer, or would we succumb to man's oldest and greatest enemy- serrated bread knives (hint: a little bit of both)?

Bruschetta

Adapted from All Recipes

Servings: However much makes you feel less gross about eating an entire baguette by yourself

Time: 20 minutes (plus additional for medical attention)

Chopping courtesy of Maconda

1 French Baguette (I used sourdough)

6 roma tomatoes

1/2 cup sun-dried tomatoes, previously packed in oil

3 cloves garlic, minced

1/4 cup olive oil

2 tbsp balsamic vinegar

1/4 cup fresh basil, chopped with stems removed

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp black pepper

Shredded Mozzarella

What a nice, unassuming knife (that's how they ninja get you)

1. Preheat the oven to the broiler setting.
2. Mix the roma tomatoes, sun-dried tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, basil, salt and pepper together in a large bowl. Let the flavors blend for 10 minutes.
3. Cut the baguette into 1/2 to 3/4-inch slices. 
4. Discover that new knives are surprisingly sharp.
5. Rely on Sacha's EMT skills and Maconda's chopping skills to finish the meal.
6. Arrange the slices in a single layer on a baking sheet.
7. Broil each side until slightly browned (~1-2 minutes per side).
8. Scoop the tomato mix onto each slice and top with cheese.
9. Broil until the cheese is melted.
10. Realize that saving room for dinner is a sucker's game.

Shockingly, we actually had a debate about the proper amount of cheese. Frenchman Sacha correctly chose the right amount of melty goodness.

We quickly came to the realization that we could've just made these for dinner and gladly eaten them until bread and cheese lost all meaning. By toasting both sides, we ensured the bruschetta wouldn't fall into a soggy trap, allowing the powerful ingredients to come through beautifully. The juicy double tomato punch melded nicely with the crisp baguette and gooey melted cheese, while the balsamic vinegar and basil gave this the extra kick that kept us coming back for more.

New EMT Sacha's triage care strategy: use obscene amounts of tape.

Stay tuned for our exciting finale featuring roasted cauliflower and Robin's feedback from employing the tape and paper towel method into her doctoring.

It's important to remember to crop out all the juice from your sauce for pretty pictures.

Dinner with Mac & Sacha: White Wine Poached Fish

Now that Maconda and Sacha have a fancy grown-up person house, they finally have the space to utilize their fancy grown-up wedding gifts. When presented with the opportunity to use said fancy adult things on their sparkling new island kitchen-top, I couldn't resist. The only problem was figuring out what splendiferous culinary feat we should make. Initially, my thoughts turned to trying painstakingly time-hungry new techniques like braising or making confit in honor of Sacha's homeland, but our adult responsibilities (read: my video games aren't gonna play themselves) led to a compromise. We'd teach ourselves the time friendly skill of poaching (read: we wanted an excuse to drink wine, and I always wanted to describe myself to strangers as "a poacher"). Their shiny new kitchen would be broken in with a delightful meal of wine-poached fish, bruschetta and roasted cauliflower.

Wine-Poached Fish

Adapted from The New York Times

Servings: 6

Time: 40 minutes

6 fish fillets (I recommend cod)

Salt and Freshly ground pepper

1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

4-5 tbsp finely chopped shallot

1 1/2 cups chardonnay 

2 garlic cloves, minced

3 tbsp capers, rinsed 

1/3 cup fresh lemon juice

3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

4 tbsp finely chopped parsley

Wine poaching: the drunken hot sauna of fish

Not broccoli au gratin!

1. Go to Kroger.
2. Be very disappointed in their fish selection and convince yourself the recipe will be good enough to carry the meal.
3. Preheat the oven to 400 F. 
4. Oil or butter a large baking dish then lay the fish in one layer and season with salt and pepper.
5. Sauté the shallots in olive oil over medium heat until tender and translucent.
6. Add the wine and bring to a boil.
7. Pour the wine over the fish, cover with foil and bake in the oven for 10-15 minutes or until the fish becomes opaque and pulls apart easily with a fork.
8. Remove the fish from the baking dish and place on a covered platter to keep warm.
9. Reduce the poaching wine in a skillet to ~1/3 cup then add in the garlic cloves, capers, lemon juice, olive oil, parsley and salt to taste. Let cook for ~ 2 minutes.
10. Pour the sauce over the fish and serve.

Yes, mask the lowly tilapia in delicious sauce topping.

It turns out the simple (20ish minute) technique of poaching is an incredible way to prepare fish. The end result had the absolute perfect texture for fish- beautifuly smooth and tender (almost buttery). Each bite came off effortlessly with a gentle pull from our forks, while the acidity of the picatta like sauce imparted wonderfully powerful flavors to the unassuming fish. The only improvement I would make to the sauce would be to add some butter at the very end to make it even more rich and help thicken it some (just cut the end olive oil, turn off the heat, add butter and let it melt to proper artery clogging thicknesses).

While the sauce will make just about any fish into a tasty masterpiece, proper fish selection will make your experience even more outstanding. Kroger's fish selection was rather limited (HEB should be used for all meat purchasing if in Texas), so I settled on tilapia and cod (it was either that or expensive sea bass). Personally, I hate the flavorless tilapia (specifically bred to not taste like fish for Americans), but I still really enjoyed my tilapia pieces thanks to the hard working sauce. The cod, however, was on an entirely different level as the fish itself stood up to the powerful sauce and held its own. The original recipe calls for the use of sole, flounder or swordfish, so I will be sure to verify the poaching process still works on these the next time I'm craving fish. Overall, I have to declare wine-poaching to be a giant success as the unbelievably simple and fast procedure perfectly cooked our meal while we watched sports on TV.

Not pictured: the 20 slices of bruschetta we all ate before the meal proper.

Come back soon for the other two equally awesome parts of our grown-up dinner: bruschetta and roasted cauliflower (Ok, I lied. The bruschetta far out awesomes them both) and to learn about Sacha's EMT skills following my finger being introduced to their sharp new knives.

Muffin Mondays: Dark Chocolate Cherry Muffins

Recently, I began celebrating the soon to be worldwide holiday known as Muffin Mondays. Delusions of grandeur filled my head as I decided to embark on a journey of two delicious muffiny treats to great my coworkers in the morning.  Unfortunately, my strawberry rhubarb yogurt muffins turned in to an unmitigated disaster, but, then, as if smiled upon by the baking gods, a Muffin Monday Miracle occurred. My Dark Chocolate Cherry Muffin recipe which was supposed to yield 2 dozen muffins entered some weird wormhole and produced 48 delicious breakfasty treats (I may have been a little suspicious given the insane amount of flour it called for, but I wasn't about to let something like math or numbers stop me!).

Screw you, strawberry rhubarb suckins!

Dark Chocolate Cherry Muffins
Adapted from All Recipes
Servings: 24 muffins (adjusted to actually be 24)
Time: 40+ minutes (how fast can you chop cherries?)

This might take a while...

2 1/3 cups  all-purpose flour
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2 eggs, beaten
1 tsp almond extract
1 1/2 cups fresh dark cherries, pitted and chopped
1 cup dark chocolate chips
Sliced almonds (optional)

Chocolate and fruit, what a novel idea that has certainly never been tried before!

1. Attempt to make strawberry rhubarb muffins. Fail miserably.
2. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
3. Whisk the flour, sugar, cooca powder, baking powder, baking soda and salt together in a large bowl.
4. Mix the sour cream, milk, vegetable oil, eggs and almond extract in a bowl until well blended.
5. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and stir until just incorporated.
6. Fold the cherries and dark chocolate chips into the batter.
7. Fill lined muffin tins 1/2- 2/3 full. Sprinkle on almond slices if desired.
8. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean (beware of false negatives from the melted chocolate chips).
9. Let the tins cool on wire racks for 5 minutes. Then remove the muffins and allow them to finish cooling on the racks.
10. Realize the second type of muffin isn't necessary because these are absurdly awesome.

Souped up almond model. Now if I can just figure out where the NOS goes...

Normally, I don't go for chocolate muffins (chocolate is for my unhealthy lattes and not my fruit-filled morning treats), so these combo fruit/chocolate muffins were the perfect way to help me ease into an exciting and scary new lifestyle. These were vaguely reminiscent of chocolate liqueur cherries thanks to the almond extract, but the real heart of this breakfast was the abundance of juicy cherries intermingling with the decadent dark chocolate that made all that chopping worth it. Venturing away from my normal muffin comfort zone proved to be the right choice, as these may have been the most deserving entry to Muffin Mondays yet.

The inner workings of a muffin are almost as complicated as those of the human body (at least I imagine mine is filled with chocolate and fruit).

Reese's Pieces Cookies & Cookie Cake Mutation!

In the early days of mankind, humans discovered a way to reach near god-like levels by combining peanut butter and chocolate. Then a genius (who I can only assume is named Reese) created the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. But man was lazy, and preferred to eat things in handfuls without getting melted chocolate all over, so Reese's Pieces were created and humanity reached its zenith (a level managed again only with the creation of cookie dough ice cream).

I knew I was going to need one ridiculous cookie to compete with the Lemon Ricotta Blackberry Muffins for my Office bake-athon and care package assembly. As a result, I called upon these peanut butter and chocolate discs for help.  Plus, I figured this would be an awesome way to trick people with peanut allergies into thinking they were having safe, unassuming M&M cookies.

Reese's Pieces Cookies
Adapted from Emeril's Giant Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake
Time: 30 minutes
Servings: 2 dozen cookies

1 cup butter, room temp
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 cups plus 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups milk chocolate chips
Loads of Reese's Pieces

I find I'm quite liberal with my interpretation of cookie dough sizes.

1. Preheat the oven to 375 F. Line baking sheets with parchment paper.
2. Cream the butter and sugars together with a stand mixer until light and fluffy.
3. Beat in the eggs and vanilla.
4. Whisk the flour, baking soda and salt together in a separate bowl.
5. Gradually add the dry ingredients to the creamed mixture until incorporated.
6. Stir in the chocolate chips and Reese's pieces with a rubber spatula. 
7. Realize that even an absurd looking amount of Reese's pieces is not nearly enough and pour more in.
8. Place ~ tbsp sized drops onto the lined baking sheets.
9. Bake for 8-12 minutes until they start to brown.
10. Let rest on the cookie sheets for 5 minutes to crisp up the bottoms then transfer to wire racks to finish cooling.

Somehow, I managed to create the best of both worlds with these cookies and generate both chewy and crunchy varieties thanks to what I will refer to as the magical oven of mystery and wonder (sadly, walking in to it does not lead to a Narnia like world). It's important to make sure that you load these up with as many chocolate chips and Reese's Pieces while still adhering to the laws of physics (more specifically, the law of conservation of mass). Essentially, you have an amazing chocolate chip cookie stuffed with all the peanut buttery goodness you could have ever hoped for as a child. In the eternal battle for cookie supremacy, these managed to even outdo the fabled M&M variety.

The Super Bowl Cookie Cake Mutation

Sure, it looks tasty, but it could use more unnecessary sugar.

These cookies were actually inspired by the pure, utter perfection I experienced during this past Super Bowl with my Reese's Pieces Cookie Cake. Everyone knows the following facts: Cookies are awesome; Cake is awesome; and Combining two awesome things can only lead to a dangerous state known as super awesome. Therefore, it can easily be concluded that combining a cookie and a cake is the greatest level of deliciousness that one can hope to achieve.

Indeed, this proved to be the case, as this cookie cake easily swept the floor with the spectacular cookies. The cake form allowed for a gooier center that was highly addictive. Plus, cheap icing in a chez whiz like bottle has always been a favorite of mine. In order to transform this recipe into a proper cookie cake, simply pour the batter into a round baking dish and bake for 20-25 minutes until browned.

One day, I will blow the world's collective mind by creating the world's first combination ice cream cookie cake (no, cookies and cream doesn't count).

Check back soon for the thrilling finale to our Office Marathon Bakeathon: Eggless Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Raisin Cookies.

Muffin Mondays: Lemon Ricotta Blackberry Muffins

Sunday was a day of marathons. Following The Office finale, I began a binge watching session of it on Netflix. It only seemed right to pair this with my favorite and most edible type of marathon- the bake-athon. A trifecta of treats was in order to provide my coworkers with delicious morsels to make it through our Monday meeting and to send Robin a proper care package (and inspiration for future baking/ bakery endeavors). Since I had to devote proper attention to my television duties (especially if I was going to make it through season 2), I decided that a combination of easy to make cookies and muffins would be the best route.

Lemon Ricotta Blackberry Muffins
Adapted from Two Peas and Their Pod
Time: 40 minutes
Servings: 24 muffins

Ridiculously thick batter

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 cups granulated sugar
Zest of 4 lemons
1 cup unsalted butter, room temp
2 cups ricotta cheese
2 large eggs
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 cups blackberries
Sugar plus lemon zest for topping

I only broke half of the blackberries trying to get them into the batter, a new record!

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Whisk the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt together in a large bowl. Set aside.
3. Mix the sugar and lemon zest together then cream them with the butter using a stand mixer until light and fluffy.
4. Add in the ricotta cheese and mix until smooth.
5. Stir in the egg, lemon juice and vanilla extract.
6. Gradually add in the dry ingredients until just blended.
7. Fill lined muffin tins halfway with batter. 
8. Place at least 3 blackberries into the batter (try to get it down in there without crushing the blackberries, which will be tricky since this is one thick batter).
9. Realize you snacked on the remaining blackberries, forcing you to stop at 3 berries per muffin.
10. Sprinkle the topping on each muffin.
11. Bake for 18-24 minutes until the tops slightly brown and the toothpick test comes back clean.
12. Cool the muffins on wire racks.

Sadly, all the blackberries rose to the top, leaving only delicious ricotta lemony bottoms.

Blackberries, while the most delicious of all berries, are also the most neglected when it comes to baking.  I decided I must remedy this post haste. I also wanted to keep up the delightfully refreshing citrusy theme of last week's Grapefruit Buttermilk Muffins, so these lemon ricotta blackberry muffins seemed perfect (and provided yet another opportunity to test my "cheese makes everything better" hypothesis).

Initial batter taste tests had me a little concerned due to their ricotta influenced thick texture, but these fears were quickly assuaged upon tasting the finished product. These muffins hit you with wonderful juicy blackberries, a refreshing lemon backend and an intriguingly awesome hint of cheesecake all wrapped up in one surprisingly moist package. Hopefully, the rousing success of these muffins will help catapult blackberries to their proper place in baking lore.

My table passed initial baking stress tests.

Stay tuned for the ensuing cookie mayhem featuring Reese's Pieces Cookies and Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Raisin Cookies.

Grapefruit Buttermilk Muffins

Turns out getting half a grapefruit to stand up and not look funny is quite difficult (especially when it was zested)

Grapefruit has been something that I have kind of always despised due to engrained hatred from my childhood following the tragic destruction of my village by renegade grapefruit rolling down the mountainside (or the fact I found them kind of super bitter for an overgrown, brightly colored orange). Recently, however, I have started to appreciate them thanks to their risotto flavoring abilities and the general awesomeness that is Shiner's Ruby Redbird summer seasonal. After seeing some particularly tasty looking ones at the farmer's market, I decided to find a way to incorporate them into some sort of baked good for my inaugural voyage with my apartment's oven.

Stop trying to fool us, fake oranges!

Grapefruit Muffins

Adapted from The Daring Gourmet

Time: 40 minutes

Servings: 24 muffins

Proceed to eating now!

1 cup butter, room temp

2 cups sugar

4 large eggs, separated

1 1/2 cups buttermilk

Grated zest of 2 grapefruits 

1 cup freshly squeezed grapefruit juice

1 tbsp vanilla extract

4 cups all-purpose flour

1 tbsp baking powder

2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

4 tsp grapefruit zest + 1/2 cup sugar for topping

Avoid drinking the batter because there's really nothing more embarrassing than an egg white mustache

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Cream the butter and sugar together in a mixer until light and fluffy.
3. Add in the egg yolks one at a time and beat until well mixed.
4. Mix in the grapefruit juice, zest and vanilla until combined. Note this will probably look pretty gross, but flour will fix this.
5. Whisk the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt together in a large bowl.
6. Alternate adding the flour mixture and buttermilk to the grapefruit mix. Be careful not to overmix.
7. Take some time to shovel 1-50 spoonfuls of the world's most delicious batter. 
8. Stop yourself when you remember you promised people muffins.
9. Beat the egg whites into soft peaks. Fold them into the batter with a rubber spatula.
10. Fill lined or greased muffin tins 2/3-3/4 of the way full with batter.
11. Make the topping by stirring the grapefruit zest and sugar together.
12. Generously sprinkle the topping on to each cupcake muffin.
13. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean.
14. Let the muffin tins cool on a wire rack for five minutes then remove the muffins to allow cooling to finish.

This is not nearly enough sugary, grapefruity topping.

Normally, I rush right in to talking about the delicious baked goods I have just eaten ungodly amounts of while reassuring myself that it was for my blog to avoid the shame and night crying. Today, I find myself needing to devote some time to talking about the batter. Following the magical batter tasting (which I'm pretty sure was scored to "Take My Breath Away"), I found myself not content with a single tasting. Rather, I had to ensure that the stand mixer paddle attachment was completely clean (so it wouldn't mess up the dishwasher...). Prior to adding the egg whites (because that looks far less appetizing for tasting), this might have been the greatest batter I ever tasted thanks to the incredibly powerful and refreshing grapefruit punch. This base definitely needs to be incorporated in future treats.

Now to figure out a grapefruit icing because, let's not kid ourselves, this is essentially a cupcake

The end result was a fantastic citrusy breakfast muffin with a delightful cakeyness. Sadly, some of that great grapefruit power was weakened post baking, but that didn't stop these fresh treats from being devoured faster than any of my baking that I've ever brought to work. Fortunately, this can be easily remedied by buying extra grapefruit for zesting, so you can properly encase the tops in a sugary grave. 

The Scientific Dynamics of Muffin Topography in Greased vs. Lined Systems

T. Kennair, Science (awaiting acceptance and for the editor to stop laughing)

These muffins not only tasted amazing, but they also provided an important lesson in the baked sciences. I've had issues with muffins getting stuck to baking tins before, so I decided to fill half of them with liners in case thing went awry (plus, I still had some pretty sweet heart decorated cupcake liners from Valentine's Day). The naked muffins produced more of a traditional muffin top, while the lined ones were more of a super flabby love handle. Despite their physical shortcomings, the vertically challenged variety won the taste contest by proving more moist. 

Stay tuned as I contemplate how long I can go without posting following 3 entries in half a week (and as I regret forgetting to take out the trash from baking prior to leaving for three days)!

Fancy Mother's Day Brunch: Choco Waffles

For most of my life, I have always loved sweet over savory, but recently my dining preferences have been tested (stupid France and your delicious crepes!). To finish off and balance our fancy brunch, Kevin and I made a chocolate waffle to go along with the absurdly delightful Bacon Cheddar Waffles. Which dish would win the battle of sweet vs savory (Hey, I think I just figured out what Kevin and I should call our cooking and/or buddy cop show) and make our mothers proud? 

Choco Waffles

Adapted from Food Network

Time: 20 minutes

Servings: 4-6 waffles

3 tbsp unsalted butter

3 tbsp vegetable shortening

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tbsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

3 tbsp sugar

3 large eggs

1 cup milk

1/2 cup chocolate syrup, plus more for topping

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Cooking spray

Powdered sugar and raspberries for topping

I should've known it wouldn't be chocolatey enough by the color

1. Preheat the oven to 250 F.
2. Preheat a waffle iron.
3. Melt the butter and shortening in a saucepan and mix well. Set aside.
4. Whisk the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar together in a large bowl. 
5. Mix the eggs, milk, chocolate syrup and vanilla in a separate bowl.
6. Slowly combine the wet ingredients with the dry ones.
7. Add in and mix the butter/shortening combo.
8. Pour the batter into the waffle iron and cook until crispy.
9. Top with chocolate syrup, raspberries and powdered sugar.
10. Admire how fancy it looks.

Kevin's photography gets even artsier with black and white. Next, we teach him Instagram!

The choco waffles were a little bit of a mixed bag. Sure, it's fun to say choco waffle repeatedly, but it just didn't hold up to the amazingness that was Bacon Cheddar Waffles (which is probably a good thing because I'd be in an actual coma now). I hadn't quite yet mastered the waffle iron, so I didn't crisp these up as much as I should have. Their major downfall, however, was that they just weren't chocolatey enough. Pumping up the chocolate syrup quotient or mixing in actual freshly melted chocolate would definitely fix this problem. Criticisms aside, they were actually pretty good when you got a bite featuring waffle, raspberry, chocolate syrup and powdered sugar. To really take these to the next level, you should add nutella (but then again, what doesn't nutella take to the next level aside from shellfish). So there you have it; savory once again beat out sweet. Now please excuse me while I cower in the corner and question my entire life.

Choco Waffle up close and personal

I hope you enjoyed these brunchtastic Mother's Day adventures. I just wanted to give a special thanks to my mom, who, most importantly of all, helped me create my favorite dish ever- Cajun Eggs Benedict.

Without my mom's penchant for excess, this never would've been possible. Love you, mom!