Cinco de Mayo: Crawfish Tacos

Cinco de Mayo presented quite the challenge this year. How was I supposed to have a cooking adventure worthy of past efforts like Margarita Cupcakes and Tacos Bistek on a work night (while cooking partner Kevin was busy studying for finals!)? If I wasn't going to undermine Mexican culture with heavy drinking, offensive fake mustaches and sombreros, I could at least bastardize the holiday with some fusion food. Since my Lenten season was woefully devoid of mudbugs (hmm, I should just pretend that's what I gave up!), I knew exactly what I had to do.

Crawfish Tacos
Servings: 8-12
Time: 60 minutes

1 1/2 lbs peeled crawfish tails (I used frozen)
Flour Tortillas

Necessary crunchitude

Cabbage Slaw

Previously Seen Here

3/4 of a purple cabbage, thinly sliced

3 tbsp lime juice

2 tbsp olive oil

Red pepper flakes to taste

Salt to taste

Remoulade

Adapted from All Recipes

1 cup mayonnaise

1/4 cup Sriracha

3 tbsp hot and spicy or Creole Mustard

1-2 tsp prepared horseradish

1 tbsp Tabasco

2 tbsp lime juice

Perfectly hot

4 green onions, diced

1 tbsp parsley, chopped

2 garlic cloves, minced

Tony Chachere's to taste

Salt to taste

Piquant

Previously Seen Here
3 tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup onion, chopped
1/2 cup bell pepper, chopped
1 stalk celery, deveined and chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 tomatoes, diced
Tabasco to taste
Tony Chachere's to taste
Salt to taste
1-2 tbsp lime juice
2 tbsp butter

So many good smells. Also, this makes a fantastic dip for tortilla chips.

1. Prep the cabbage slaw by tossing all the ingredients together. Cover and refrigerate
2. Make the remoulade by whisking all the ingredients together until smooth. Cover and refrigerate
3. Start the piquant by sauteing the onion, bell pepper, celery and garlic in olive oil until the onions become translucent (about 5-7 minutes). 
4. Stir in the tomatoes and season with tabasco, Tony Chachere's and lime juice. Cook until the tomatoes start to soften (about 5 minutes).
5. Add in the crawfish and simmer for 5-10 minutes. Taste and finish seasoning. 
6. Melt in the butter.
7. Build your tacos with crawfish, cabbage slaw and remoulade.

And with that, my imaginary food truck had its signature dish.

I absolutely loved these tacos. This was the kind of dish that I'm excited to work on further and make it even more my own. My basic inspiration was a fish taco infused with Cajunness. By combining the crunch of cabbage with the potent kick of horseradish powered remoulade, the basics of what you expect from a fish taco were properly amped up to Big Easy quality. Seriously, the remoulade was the epitome of what I look for in spicy food. It brought a wonderful heat that cleared the sinuses and lingered in your mouth but didn't burn.

The only real question was how to handle the crawfish. The answer, as with most things, resided with my mother. I dug deep into the old bag of tricks and cooked them in a piquant sauce like the one we used for my favorite breakfast ever, Cajun Eggs Benedict, during the great Mom's Diner cook-athon of 2012. Crawfish have a fantastic natural flavor but can be pretty bland if you don't cook them properly. I was able to impart a lot of flavor with some fairly simple veggies and seasoning (which only got better with time. Yay, leftovers!). For future trials, I think I would like to use some blackening seasoning for additional New Orleans style and perhaps replace the parsley in the remoulade with cilantro to help tip the scales slightly toward the Mexican half of the fusion, but I could not have been happier with my maiden effort.

Not pictured: half the crawfish falling out repeatedly and my hand being covered in remoulade

Stay tuned for the rest of my Cinco de Mayo celebration- the super refreshing and easy Watermelon Jicama Salad.

The Night of 15 Pizzas

This Saturday night was the ultimate pizza party (take that, all the grade school ones we got for reading books!) For one brief night, we managed to turn Sacha and Maconda's kitchen into our own little Italy thanks to homemade cheese, sauce, dough and every ingredient our brains could think of. The Heights Pizzeria we created had something for everyone on our menu featuring 15 most delectable pizzas. Everyone can kindly stop throwing fancy dinner parties now because nothing you do will ever top this.

Sacha and Maconda AKA The Gracious Hosts

As Sacha and Maconda are among the rare group of our friends adult enough to own a home, they offered it up to mad pizza scientist Kevin MC and the rest of us for a fancy evening of showing our stomachs zero mercy. Maconda was excited for a day of cooking experimentation (see the upcoming mozzarella and ricotta making post), while Sacha was in full on project manager mode ensuring each and every aspect of our kitchen chaos was at least somewhat controlled.

Kevin MC AKA Doughmaster Fresh

Kevin MC (the brilliant biochemistry prof, not to be confused with our usual collaborator plain old Kevin) has been perfecting his pizza making technique for a while now. He came equipped with 20 doughs and enough ingredients and crazy ideas to turn Sacha and Maconda's kitchen into the quintessential lab. All the pics of him came out blurry because it was impossible to capture the speed at which he was dishing out the delicious calculated madness.

The Experimental First Pizza

Ingredients: Tomato Sauce, Parmesan Cheese, Mozzarella Cheese

Kevin MC needed to get to know his equipment, so we sacrificed a fairly standard cheese pizza as his first offering to the heating gods. We learned a lesson about the evenness of heating in the oven (hint: see the burn mark), and got to experience the wonderfully airy yet crunchy crust complimented by gooey cheese for the first time.

Kevin MC's Mashed Potato and Bacon Pizza

 Ingredients: Olive Oil, Mashed Potatoes, Bacon and Mozzarella

This was the pizza I was the most intrigued to try all night. Kevin MC's creamy mashed potatoes somehow managed to replace sauce for one hell of a tasty slice. Never before had I eaten mashed potato pizza, but by the end of the night I would have tried 3 (and that wouldn't be nearly enough).

My Bacon Jam Pizza

Ingredients: Bacon Jam, Homemade Mozzarella, Onions, Arugula and Cracked Black Pepper

When you already know what the greatest pizza in the history of bread and cheese is, why try to make anything else? Way back in 2012, Courtney, Lars and I first made this pizza while enjoying time by Venice Beach. Bacon jam absolutely has to be tried to be believed. The result is a super bacony almost BBQ sauce that would definitely go great on any and all foods. Our freshly made mozzarella (recipe coming soon), arugula and black pepper helped balance the pizza, while the onions provided a nice second layer of crunch. As suspected, the pizza was a complete hit (as was eating bacon jam with a spoon).

Laura V's Pear, Prosciutto and Blue Cheese Pizza

Ingredients: Olive Oil, Pear, Prosciutto and Gorgonzola

Laura V nearly shocked the world with her entry into the pizza competition. The powerful gorgonzola paired nicely with the delicate pear and salty prosciutto for easily one of the most complex yet simple pizzas of the evening.

Kevin 1.0's Meatball Pizza

 Ingredients: Kevin's Homemade Tomato Sauce, Meatballs, Homemade Mozzarella, Basil and Sauteed Mushrooms & Onions

This was the other pizza of the evening that I couldn't wait to try. Frequent blog adventurer Kevin makes some of the world's tastiest tomato sauce and meatballs. Seriously, it's practically a religious experience. Add in sauteed mushrooms, onions, and freshly made cheese, and you get what's essentially the best giant open-faced meatball sub you'll ever have.

Sacha and Maconda's Truffled Meat Lover's Pizza

Ingredients: Tomato Sauce, Ham, Prosciutto, Meatball, Mozzarella and Black Truffle

In an effort to be the fanciest hosts possible, Sacha and Maconda bought the holy grail of home chefs- a truffle. Unfortunately, it was drowned out by the meat and cheese explosion. Fortunately, the meat and cheese were superb (and we still have plenty of truffle for future enjoyment).

Sacha and Maconda's Pesto Chicken Pizza

 Ingredients: Pesto, Roasted Chicken, Mozzarella, Homemade Ricotta and Roma Tomatoes

I'm not a huge fan of pesto, but the one Maconda made converted me over. Add in the homemade Ricotta, wonderfully fresh, juicy tomatoes and chicken, and this was a refreshing pizza to help cut the meat sweats we were starting to experience.

Roland's Bacon, Mushroom and Olive Pizza

Ingredients: Tomato Sauce, Bacon, Prosciutto, Mushrooms, Kalamata Olives, Mozzarella and Ricotta

Roland was inadvertently a man after my heart. My sister and I can vouch that Mushroom and Olive are scientifically the best pizza combo. And then he went and added bacon to it! Well played, sir. Well played.

Cory's 4 Cheese Pizza

Ingredients: Ricotta, Mozzarella, Parmesan, Blue Cheese, Basil and Cracked Black Pepper

I'm not gonna lie. I was a little disappointed to see a cheese pizza pop up after the crazy wormhole of ingredients we had just gone through. Despite my doubts, Cory managed to confirm that with pizza, simple is powerful. The four cheese flavor bomb managed to be just as thrilling as any of our other concoctions and highlighted the awesome power of pepper.

Kevin MC's Bay Area Clam and Radicchio Pizza

Ingredients: Clam, Grilled Radicchio, Parmesan, Olive Oil, Fish Stock and Lemon Juice

I've never been more scared and compelled by food like this in quite some time. Could the coolest named vegetable come together with seafood to make a tasty pizza? The answer was a resounding "yes"! Kevin MC's Bay Area Pizza managed to avoid being overly fishy, and was kicked up even further by the always wonderful lemon and seafood combo.

Kevin MC's and My Bacon Jam and Mashed Potato Hybrid Pizza

 Ingredients: Bacon Jam, Mashed Potatoes, Blue Cheese and Mozzarella

We were just about to begin remaking pizzas in our gluttonous quest, when it struck us that we should create a beautiful hybrid of two of our best early pizzas. The bacon jam upped the decadence of the earlier mashed potato and bacon pizza, while helping us regret our decision to eat so much even more.

Kevin MC's Bagel and Lox Pizza

Ingredients: Smoked Salmon, Capers, Mashed Potatoes and Mozzarella

Breakfast on a pizza was just as good as it sounds. The mozzarella and mashed potatoes provided the creaminess, while the smoked salmon (which turned into normal looking salmon. Thanks a lot, oven!) and briney capers provided the flavor. Also, it taught me an important lesson to check your ingredients when I mistakenly poured fish stock on my slice thinking it was lemon juice (I'm gonna blamed my allergies for not catching the significant difference between the two most dissimilar smelling things in the world).

Danielle's Gluten-Free Pesto Pepperoni Pizza

Ingredients: Pesto, Pepperoni, Mozzarella and Mushrooms

Kudos to the bravery of Danielle for coming to what was essentially a giant gluten bomb. She made hers first in a keen cross-contamination weary move and sought to prove that gluten-free doesn't have to mean boring. Regrettably (since Danielle's cooking has never disappointed), this was the only pizza of the night I didn't sample.

Christina's Nutella Peanut Butter Dessert Pizza

Ingredients: Nutella and Peanut Butter Candy

Christina came prepared with two dessert pizzas. She had us at nutella. The peanut butter and hazelnut combo was just the smooth sugar grenade we needed to help us emerge from our food comas.

Christina's Nutella and Fruit Dessert Pizza

Ingredietns: Nutella, Strawberries, Bananas, Raspberries, Blueberries and Kiwi

Christina's second dessert pizza was even more magnificent than the first. Fresh fruit and nutella are among the greatest pairings known to man, and they delivered on the tasty crust.

Non-Pizza Dessert Corner: Because Why the Hell Not?

Danielle is the queen of gluten-free desserts. These Rice Owl inspired cookies were amazingly crispy chocolate treats that, sandwiched around her amaretto marshmallows (not pictured), made for a killer oreo.

Cory, aside from being an all-star art chemist who is lucky enough to be married to Doughmaster Fresh, is also a cheesecake phenom. Her Amaretto Sour (I'm noticing an unplanned dessert theme) Cheesecake managed to be among the tastiest, creamiest desserts I've ever had despite the law of diminishing returns (read: 15 pizzas) going against it. Somehow, I managed to finish every last bite of my slice including all of the genius crushed almond cookie crust.

The Next Day Pizzas: Because Addiction is Serious

I mentioned earlier that Kevin MC brought 20 pizza doughs. At some point in the evening, we decided to actually listen to our better judgement and stop the madness. Shockingly, Sacha and Maconda found themselves not disgusted by the mere thought of pizza the next day, and they put a few more of those doughs (and, from the looks of it, the mashed potatoes) to good use. I'm starting to worry that they have a problem.

This was one epic night of cooking and eating that may never be topped (and our bodies may never recover from). The night's success was evident by all the happy people unable to move themselves from their seats (but mostly by Sacha and I sprawled out on the floor and sofa, respectively). Despite consuming my body weight in pizza, I still found myself craving it the next day. Unfortunately, all pizza from now on just won't live up to that night.

Thanks again to our gracious hosts and pizza experts for a night like none other!

Chicken Mole and Homemade Corn Tortillas

The ugly homemade tortillas are properly shunned in the back!

Believe it or not faithful readers, there was a time when I was the biggest picky eater in the world. It was a dark time of burgers with only ketchup and cheese, tacos with only cheese (man, I probably should've used ketchup too) and pizza with the sauce removed. Mole helped me overcome my weird crippling fear of trying new things when my professor had me try some at our yearly lab Mexican dinner in college (that's what people mean by college being a time of experimentation right?). Somehow one of the strangest dishes (I mean, come on, chocolate and peanuts and peppers on meat? Maybe I was still a child at heart...) managed to win me over.

Now, many an exotic dish later, it was time to perfect a mole. Could I surpass the mediocrity of my first attempt from the beginning of my culinary self-education and properly honor the dish that holds a special place in my heart?

We're gonna need a lot of chiles.

Chicken Mole
Adapted from All Recipes
Servings: A week's worth of mole
Time: 90 minutes

4 cups chicken broth, divided
3 dried ancho chiles, stemmed and seeded
2 chipotle chiles, stemmed and seeded
2 roasted poblanos, stemmed and seeded
1 dried cascabel chile, stemmed and seeded
2 corn tortillas, cut into strips
2 tomatoes, cut in half
5 tomatillos, cut in half
1 tbsp butter

Oh the delightful smells.

1 onion, diced
1/2 head garlic peeled and sliced
1/3 cup chopped peanuts
1/4 cup raisins
2 tbsp cumin seeds
1 tbsp dried thyme
1 tbsp anise seeds
3 cinnamon sticks
5 whole cloves
6 whole allspice berries
5 ounces Mexican or semi-sweet chocolate
1/2-1 tsp cinnamon (if using semi-sweet)
3 tbsp granulated sugar
1 tsp salt
Chicken 
Additional chicken broth 
Cotija cheese

Doesn't that just look delicious? At last, I got to pretend I was giving grool to Oliver Twist!

1. Roast your poblanos then sweat and peel.
2. Bring 2 cups of chicken broth to a simmer for 5 minutes and pour into a blender.
3. Toast your chiles in a dry pan over medium heat until aromatic (about 3 minutes). Transfer to the broth.
4. Toast the tortilla strips until lightly browned and add to the blender.
5. Let the mix absorb for 10 minutes then blend until smooth. 
6. Blacken the tomatoes and tomatillos in a dry skillet over medium-hot heat for about 3-5 minutes per side until soft. Add to the blender.
7. Saute the onion, garlic, peanuts, raisins, cumin, thyme, anise, cinnamon sticks, cloves and allspice in butter over medium heat.
8. Remove the cinnamon sticks, cloves and allspice and add the rest to the blender (unless you have an industrial sized blender, you'll probably have to pour half of it out first). Blend until smooth.
9. Pour the sauce into a large pot over medium heat. Melt in the chocolate (and cinnamon if you can't find Mexican chocolate), final 1-2 cups chicken broth, sugar and salt. Bring to a simmer and let reduce.
10. Sear your chicken in a pan over medium-high heat for 3-5 minutes per side. Cover with additional broth and cook for 25-30 minutes until done.
11. Top chicken with mole sauce, crushed peanuts, cotija cheese, cilantro and diced onions.

Chocolate, veggies and meat: Together at last!

Now this is the mole I was longing for. Everything was in an incredible balance keeping all the powerful components from becoming overwhelming and providing a significant improvement from my previous overly tomatoey version. Whether it was on the tender chicken, tortilla chips or Mexican rice, the mole added a ton of flavor. My only real recommendation is to make sure you add some crunch to the dish with diced onion or extra peanuts.

Let's be honest, it just doesn't seem right unless it's in convenient taco form.

As much as I'd like to pretend that my eating tastes have become fancified, I really just wanted to eat this as the taco that my heart desired. Having a tortilla definitely made the meal seem far more complete. Seeing how I don't know how to do things simply, I just had to make my own corn tortillas (for the first time, while doing a bunch of other things. What could possibly go wrong?!).

Corn Tortillas
Adapted from The Lean Green Bean
Servings: 8-10 tortillas
Time: 40 minutes

1 cup masa 
1/2-3/4 cup hot water
1/2 tsp salt
Juice of half a lime
1 jalapeno, seeded and diced

I'm like the best at clean edges.

1. Mix the masa, hot water, salt, lime juice and jalapeno together in a bowl until a workable dough forms.
2. Shape into a ball and knead several times.
3. Form a ball again and cover tightly in saran wrap. Let sit for 30-60 minutes.
4. Flatten the dough between two sheets of saran wrap using a rolling pin or a tortilla press (buy a tortilla press they're super cheap and way more effective). Carefully peel off the saran wrap.
5. Cook over medium-high heat in a skillet for 1 minute per side until the tortilla begins to puff up.
6. Keep warm in an oven at 200 F until done.

The taco folded without breaking! Success!

My first attempt at making my own tortillas was a bit of a mixed bag. I overdid it on the masa after my initial dough was too sticky. Also, my decision to add jalapeno for flavor backfired as it severely hindered the ability to roll out thin tortillas without tearing. While they did properly fold for taco delivery effectiveness, I definitely would've been better off with store bought.

I desperately need the new house kitchen.

Despite some tortilla related failings, the overall meal (completed with Mexican rice and black beans) was exactly what I needed for my standard Saturday cooking adventure. More importantly, it reminded me that I can't wait to have everyday access to the new house's kitchen and all of its glorious space.

Fail Fries: Daikon Radish

It took everything in my power not to turn this into another GIF.

After being inspired by the cardiac culinary adventures of Guy Fieri, Kevin and I expected to have a one-way ticket to Flavortown (# 1 in deliciousness and diabetes), instead we crashed into horrible burnt vegetable flames.

Would we be forced to enjoy our Banh Mi Burgers like peasants without french fries, or could we salvage our failures and prove our true cooking worth?

Fail Fries
Servings: Less than one tall kitchen trash bag
Time: However long it takes for you to admit defeat

Daikon Radish,  peeled & cut to look like fries
Sriracha glaze (found here)
Sriracha beer batter (previously used here) 
Jalapenos, seeded and cut into strips

They look just like fries! I have a good feeling about this...

1. Decide that your Banh Mi Burgers need something more exciting than traditional fries and that it should be healthier too!
2. Oven roast some daikon in sriracha glaze according to a recipe that is about 10 minutes too long!
3. Remove fries from the oven and pick them out from the burnt glazed areas.
4. Gag on the extremely bitter and oddly textured fail fries.
5. Set aside in the trash.
6. Attempt to remedy the situation by frying them in oil. 
7. Realize they're still crazy bitter and weird.
8. Decide to make up your never fail beer batter to mask the horrible.
9. Fry beer battered daikon 3-5 minutes and be overjoyed that they are now edible!
10. Accept defeat and turn to the jalapenos you have leftover for much tastier beer batter fries.
11. Cry the cry of a thousand shames into your pillow.

Things were looking super promising. 

Collateral damage from being at all influenced by Guy Fieri for a day or vengeance for losing sight of his mission?

Our first attempt at daikon radish fries truly set the bar for disappointment. In what was likely the penance we had to pay for not deep frying them right off the bat like the Master of DDD would have wanted, we were left with possibly the most disgusting thing I've made since I learned how to use kitchen appliances other than a microwave. Something is terribly wrong and against the laws of nature with attempting to do anything other than pickle daikon. The massive moisture present in the radish just does not handle cooking well. At least Kevin and I got to enjoy laughing at each other fighting back the desire to vomit.

Woot! Passable as food finally!

If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and fry again (bam, at last an Aaliyah reference in the blog). Our first oil based remedy made the fries somewhat better but still mutant-like in both taste and texture. We knew what we had to do. We simply masked the problem with lots of fried batter! As we felt immense pride in having this cooking adventure finally get a passing grade, we knew this still wasn't something we actually wanted to eat large amounts of. Fortunately, we still had plenty of jalapeno around for some quality Texas Sticks to turn this into even more of a fusion meal.

Oh, jalapenos, I can always count on you.

Banh Mi Burgers with Pickled Carrots & Daikon and Fresh Baguette Buns

In our never-ending quest for the world's most perfect burger, Kevin and I found ourselves drawn to the powers of darkness. We could see the vivid flames of its shirt. It was a story as old as time itself. Good versus evil. Man vs. Guy Fieri.

We wanted to honor the purest of the pure chefs- Cafe TH owner and banh mi artist, Minh Nguyen with a burger befitting his Vietnamese oasis, but in doing so, would we have to embrace the Prince of Frosted Tips?

The Devil went down to Houston. He was looking for a soul to steal...

Banh Mi Burgers
Adapted from DDD
Servings: 5 Burgers
Time: 60 minutes (not counting the buns)

My first ever hand formed patties

Full Assembly
Patty
Baguette buns (recipe below)
Pickled carrots (recipe below)
Pickled daikon (recipe below)
Jalapeno, sliced
Cucumber, sliced
Cilantro
Sriracha Aioli (recipe below)

Patties
1 lb ground pork
1 lb ground beef
4-6 oz shrimp, peeled, deveined and chopped
Sriracha, salt and pepper 

So damn fishy

Marinade
3/4 cup fish sauce
12 oz wheaty beer
1/2 cup sugar
Juice of 2 limes
1 tsp pureed ginger
1 tsp turmeric
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 stalks lemongrass, thinly sliced lengthwise
2 Thai chiles, seeded and thinly sliced
Sriracha to taste
1 shallot, diced
3 sprigs Thai Basil, torn
3 Sprigs mint, torn

Fire

Sriracha Aioli
Mayo
Sriracha
Cayenne Pepper
Salt
Pepper
Garlic Powder
Jalapeno Juice
Pureed Jalapeno
Juice of 1/2 a lime

Char-grilling is key

1. Become ridiculously tired from working late.
2. Start to think that Guy Fieri is making sense and become enamored with a recipe on Diner, Drive-ins and Dives (Triple D! ::fist pump::)
3. Realize that Cafe TH does not serve dinner on Saturdays, so if you want a banh mi, you have to make it yourself. ::light bulb::
4. Form the patties by mixing together the sausage, beef, shrimp (chopped well so that the patty stays in tact), sriracha, salt and pepper. 
5. Make the marinade by mixing all the ingredients together in a large bowl.
6. In a separate bowl, whisk the aioli ingredients together until smooth. You can vary the level of spicy by changing how much mayo/ hot stuff you put in. Also, in case you're wondering where jalapeno juice comes from, after you puree your jalapenos, you can strain out the juice (5 jalapenos is like 1 1/2 tsp).
7. Get your grill hot. 
8. Dip the patties in your marinade then grill one side. Bring the patties back to the marinade and repeat.
9. Once the patties are cooked to the desired level, dip back in the marinade one final time and get a nice sear on the grill quickly.
10. Assemble your burgers by putting the patties on your fresh baguette buns and topping with banh mi staples cucumber, jalapeno, cilantro, pickled carrots and pickled daikon radish. Drizzle on the aioli and enjoy.
11. Be forever thankful that you resisted the urge to buy bowling shirts and give your hair spiky blonde highlights.

The burger was actually everything we hoped for when we began this crazy, sleep deprived journey. The char-grill from searing the marinade made the patty, and the mix of pork, beef and shrimp provided an interesting burger. We were a little worried it would be overly fatty from the pork, so we went with lean 90-10 beef. It really needs a little fattier beef, however, so be sure to step up the unhealthiness. The crunch of the cucumber, jalapapeno, pickled carrot and daikon really hit the standard banh mi notes, and the sriracha aioli added a necessary creaminess. However, in hindsight, we should've created a rich sriracha butter instead, like Minh's French Butter banh mi spread. The main problem was that when you're craving a banh mi, you really should just eat one. No matter how hard we tried with our burgers, they'd never reach the heights of a Gluttonous Ellis, Heartthrob or Zombie from TH.

The first ever animated GIF on the site (click it if it stopped playing). Coming soon: Buzzfeed's Top 10 Hottest GIFs of Terry Eating Burgers.

Pickled Carrots and Daikon Radish

Adapted from The Smitten Kitchen

Servings: Way more than you need for 5 burgers

Time: 90 minutes (inactive for 80 of that)

5 carrots, peeled and cut thinly

1 daikon radish, peeled and cut thinly

1 1/2 cups water

1 1/4 cups apple cider vinegar

1/3 cup sugar

4 garlic cloves, lightly crushed

1 1/2 tbsp dill seeds

1 1/2 tbsp salt

Bam! You're about to get pickled (Not just the worst cooking line but also the worst pickup line)!

1. Place the carrots and daikon in separate heatproof bowls
2. Bring the water, vinegar, sugar, garlic, dill seeds and salt to a bowl in a pot. Let simmer for 2 minutes
3. Pour the liquid on top of the carrots and daikon THROUGH A STRAINER (to get rid of the dill seeds).
4. Let sit for at least 90 minutes before using.

Pickley deliciousness

The pickled veggies are what set a banh mi apart from a normal sandwich. They added a crispness and acidity that the sandwich needed to go with the freshness of the cucumber, jalapeno and cilantro. Unlike my previous attempt at pickling (see Dr. Pepper Braised Brisket Tacos with Pickled Onions), these actually taste pretty solid on their own.

Baguette Buns

Adapted from Cooking Channel

Servings: 4-6 Buns

Time: 90 minutes (inactive for 60)

2 packets dry active yeast

2 tbsp honey

Warm Water

3 1/2 to 4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

2 tsp salt

Olive Oil

3-4 ice cubes

I shall call him doughy, and he shall be mine.

1. Mix the honey, yeast and 1/2 cup warm water well. Let sit until the yeast activates and the mix foams (about 5 minutes)
2. Combine the flour and salt in a large stand mixer with a dough hook attached. Slowly add in the yeast while mixing.
3. Slowly pour in up to an additional 1 cup warm water until the dough comes together in to a workable, non-sticky ball.
4. Knead the dough on a floured surface until nicely elastic (3-6 minutes).
5. Round the dough into a ball and place in a large, lightly oiled bowl (I also turn the dough over a few times in the bowl to oil it). Cover and let rise to double the size (25-30 minutes).
6. Divide the dough into the sized buns you want. Score with diagonal cuts from a knife.
7. Cover and let rise for another 25-30 minutes to double in size again.
8. Preheat the oven to 450 F and set it up so the middle and bottom racks have shelves. Place an empty baking pan on the bottom rack.
9. Once the buns have risen, put then in the oven. Also, add the ice cubes to the pan on the bottom rack (but make sure they don't touch any windows in your oven as that temperature shock could be quite bad). This will create steam to help with generating a crust on the outside.
10. Bake for 12-15 minutes until golden brown and crispy. Let cool on wire racks.

Step one to opening a boulangerie in Paris complete

The highlight of the night was far and away the fresh baguette buns. They weren't quite as crispy as I hoped (probably from me running my oven a little low to compensate for its craziness, but throwing them on the grill helped), but they were incredibly delicious (as all freshly baked super carbs are). Despite not appearing in the ingredients, these buns were surprisingly buttery. As easy as they were to make, I'll be sure to use these again for actual baguettes some day.

You can practically tell that it's going to displace your jaw.

While the burgers proved to be quite satisfactory (if not quite reaching the Mt. Olympus of Vietnamese Sandwiches), we did experience one of our grandest fails ever. Stay tuned for the price we paid for putting our trust in Guy Fieri- our ultimate shame of Daikon Radish Fries.