The Triple Birthday Bash: My Yellow Cake with Chocolate Frosting and Cheesecake Hybrid

Ever since I was a little kid, there has only been one truly perfect cake in my sugar addled mind: yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Some of my favorite memories involve my mom handing me a giant pan filled with the glorious confection and a fork. Several hours later I would return the empty pan for cleaning. Since I started baking, I have yearned for the perfect opportunity to relive that childhood wonder. Quite fortuitously, September appears to have been a very romantic month for parents, allowing my house to throw a triple birthday spectacle for my June born self, along with roommate/food model Dennis and his Saint Arnold's brewing partner in crime Claire (aka the lemon loving Brit). We three truly awesome individuals deserved three separate and equally awesome cakes. Dennis sought to channel his German brewing roots with a German Chocolate Cake, while Claire chose her childhood staple cookie cake. Knowing that a standard yellow cake just wasn't exciting or fattening enough for the ridiculous night we had ahead of us, I employed the technique taught to me by my Black and White Cupcakes and my inner mad scientist abilities to make the eighth wonder of the world: The Yellow Cake with Chocolate Frosting and Cheesecake Hybrid!

Triple birthday goodies: my yellow cake, Dennis' German Chocolate cake and Claire's White Chocolate Macademia Nut Cookie Cake. Fortunately these were the only unhealthy things at the party...

Yellow Cake Cheesecake Hybrid
Adapted from The Joy of Baking and Food.com
Servings: 2 9" cakes
Time: 1 hour (plus cooling)

The yellow comes from the egg yolks. Mind=blown!

Yellow Cake
3 cups sifted cake flour
3 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup unsalted butter, room temp
1 1/3 cups granulated white sugar
6 large egg yolks
1 cup milk
2 tsp vanilla extract


Cheesecake Filling
8 oz cream cheese
1 egg
1/3 cup sugar
8 oz milk chocolate chips


Chocolate Frosting
6 oz unsweetened chocolate, coarsely chopped
1 cup unsalted butter, room temp
2 cups powdered sugar, sifted
2 tsp vanilla extract

The top looks fully cooked, so you can obviously just ignore the center!

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F. Butter and flour two 9"x2" round cake pans.
2. Prep the cheesecake filling. Start by beating the cream cheese until smooth. Next, mix in the egg and sugar using the paddle attachment of a stand mixer. Finally, stir in the chocolate chips with a rubber spatula. Set aside for later.
3. Start on the yellow cake component by whisking the cake flour, baking powder and salt together in a large bowl. Set aside.
4. Beat the butter until soft and creamy using a stand mixer on medium.
5. Slowly add the sugar and cream until light and fluffy.
6. Mix in the egg yolks in two batches, fully incorporating each time.
7. Add in the vanilla extract.
8. Alternate adding in the flour mixture and milk (flour->milk->flour->milk->flour) at low speed. Be sure to scrape down the sides after each addition and be careful not to overmix. 
9. Divide the batter evenly between the cake pans. Fill one of them with half of the cream cheese mixture and not the whole amount like I mistakenly did. Feel free to go nuts and put it in both layers.
10. Smooth over the batters with a rubber spatula then bake for 20-25 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean (this will be tricky to tell with the cream cheese one).
11. Let both cakes cool in their pans on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Then invert and reinvert them on to greased plates to remove from their pans. If the cream cheese version is still a little on the gooey side, let it set in the fridge.
12. Start the frosting by melting the chocolate over a double boiler.
13. Beat the butter until smooth then add in the powdered sugar and beat until light and fluffy.
14. Mix in the vanilla extract and chocolate over low speed until incorporated then ramp it up to medium-high until smooth.
15. Use the cheesecake as the bottom layer then spread on the frosting. Add the other layer and frost thoroughly, making fun swirly shapes with the back of a spoon.

The yellow cake by itself was fairly tasty but a little dry. This was likely more my fault from some over baking. Luckily, this was easily remedied by the delightful chocolate chip cheesecake filling (a prophecy foretold by the aforementioned black and white cupcakes). It was all brought together beautifully by the rich yet not overly sweet chocolate frosting. Thanks to my masterful party planning, these quickly turned into the strangest "cup" cakes ever as I was forced to serve them in solo cups. This allowed for nice mixing of the cream cheese filling to ensure every bite was deserving of eight year old me's sweet tooth. Fortunately, I've learned to share since then (and that my metabolism is nowhere near as absurd as it once was), so I reluctantly allowed my guests to partake in it as well.

Place your vote for best photobomber in the comments. Was it Vampire Dennis or the always sultry Matt?

My unorthodox cake proved to be a delicious start to the dessert filled festivities and not the crime against nature it could of been (we had pitchforks and torches at the ready just in case). The only problem was making sure the partygoers saved room for the remaining two cakes.  

One incredibly structurally sound cake that I definitely didn't use frosting to help put back together. 

Black and White Cupcakes

Every now and then my body starts to experience the shakes. I know better than to attribute this to my always "healthy" eating habits. It's simply my body's way of telling me I haven't made cupcakes in a while (There was almost a month of a dreaded sugar depleted wasteland in between these and my Cinco de Mayo Margarita Cupcakes). For this adventure in mini-cakery, I decided to go with a take on the deli staple black and white cookies. My interest was peaked as this presented a new form of cupcake filling (because every cupcake should have filing): one that was actually baked inside. Would this new method leave me overflowing with gooey goodness or filled with regret and empty calories?

Black and White Cupcakes
Adapted from Food.com
Servings: 18 cupcakes
Time: 45 minutes

1 1/2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup milk
5 tbsp vegetable oil
1 tbsp cider vinegar
1 tbsp vanilla
8 oz cream cheese
1 egg
1/3 cup sugar
8 oz milk chocolate chips
Chocolate Frosting (recipe follows)
Lemon Frosting (recipe follows)
Sprinkles

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Mix the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt together in a large bowl.
3. Make the filling by beating the cream cheese until soft. Next stir in the egg and sugar until well incorporated. Finally, mix in the chocolate chips with a rubber spatula and set aside.
4. Stir the milk, vegetable oil, vinegar and vanilla together in a stand mixer at medium speed.
5. Gradually add the dry ingredients in at low speed until just incorporated.
6. Fill lined cupcake tins half full with batter. Scoop approximately 1 tbsp of the filling in each cupcake.
7. Bake for 16-22 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean. Make sure to rotate once halfway through.
8. Let cool then frost half of each cupcake with chocolate frosting and the other half with lemon. Liberally add black and white sprinkles (then conservatively cut cupcake education funding).

Unfortunately, the liquid-like batter meant most of the cream cheese filling sank right to the bottom (a clever yet futile evolutionary survival tactic).

Prior to coating with the sugartastic icing, this is already one serious cupcake. The rich chocolate base is a prime example of what a chocolate cupcake should be, but the cream cheese filling is what truly makes this live up to the deli legend that inspired it. The flavorful filling balances the chocolate, while the chocolate chips add an intriguing textural element to the dessert. I'm not proud to admit this, but I did waste a cupcake just to consume even more of the glorious cream cheesery.

Black and White Frostings

Adapted from Bon Appetit

Servings: Enough to frost 36+ cupcakes

Time: 15 minutes (plus time to thicken)

Chocolate Icing

1/2 cup whipping cream

2 tbsp light corn syrup

8 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped

2 tsp vanilla extract

White Icing

2 cups powdered sugar (plus more for desired thickness)

4 tbsp whipping cream

Juice of 1 lemon

1. Prepare the chocolate icing by bringing the cream and corn syrup to a simmer in a saucepan over medium heat. Remove from the stove and whisk into the chocolate and vanilla until melted and smooth. Let stand for at least half an hour to thicken.
2. Make the far simpler white icing by whisking everything together in a bowl. Let stand for half an hour to thicken. Add more powdered sugar to reach the desired thickness.

You really do get the best of both worlds with the two halves of this perfectly foiled cupcake. You can continue your chocolate overload or take a detour to a refreshing lemony place (or go complete nuts and take on both titans at once).

The amazingness that I now want to fill every cupcake with. You'll end up wishing you used more than a tablespoon (and that you had elastic bands on your pants). 

Upon careful scientific observation of my subjects friends and coworkers, I discovered an incredible inherent property of the black and white cupcakes- their ability to vanish rapidly. It seemed like each subsequent person to consume one of these was trying to break a record for fewest bites required to finish. With four distinct flavor profiles coming through in one package, these cupcakes could've been a muddled mess, but they managed to meld together beautifully for a truly worthwhile addition to my cupcake repertoire. Aside from now having a powerful new chocolate cake recipe, I also plan to experiment with the cream cheese and chocolate chip filling in a variety of future baking excursions.

As if these cupcakes needed to look any more appetizing...

I make sure my coworkers can balance out the vegan banana oatmeal muffins I brought.

Lemon Curd Cookies

In the land of desserts, one flavor has long been viewed as inferior in my mind (or that of my taste buds): lemon. From skittles and starbursts to cakes, the magnificently sour yet understated fruit has always been an afterthought in my stomach's desire. Recently, however, I've come to appreciate what the lemon has to offer (with some minor help from a lemon loving Brit). For my most recent bakeathon, I decided to balance the richness of my chocolate filled black and white cupcakes (recipe coming soon) with the zestiness of some ultra lemon cookies. Would the combined power of lemon batter and lemon curd come together to form a splendid dessert or would they prove younger me correct?


Lemon Curd Cookies

Adapted from Yummy Mummy (I check out the manliest blogs)

Servings: 12-15 cookies

Time: 2 1/2 hours (2 hours of which are refrigerating)

1 1/4 cups unsalted butter

3/4 cup granulated sugar

1 large egg yolk

2 tsp vanilla extract

Zest of 2 lemons

2 cups all-purpose flour

1/4 tsp salt

Lemon curd (recipe follows)

Powdered sugar for sprinkling

1. Cream the butter until fluffy and pale using a stand mixer on medium-high speed.
2. Beat in the sugar in 3 additions in 2 minute intervals.
3. Mix in the egg yolk, vanilla and lemon zest.
4. Sift the flour and salt together then add them to the butter/sugar mixture at low speed until just incorporated.
5. Divide the dough into 4 equal disk shaped portions, wrap in saran wrap and refrigerate for 2 hours (or cheat and stick them in the freezer for like 30 minutes).
6. Make your lemon curd (recipe below) since it's also going to need time in the fridge. 
7. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
8. Let the dough sit at room temperature for 15 minutes then roll out to 1/8-1/4 inch thick.
9. Cut into whatever cookie shapes your heart desires and place on baking sheets lined with parchment paper.
10. Plop a blob of lemon curd onto half of the pieces then cover with the other non-curded halves and seal well (the buttery dough should make this simple as long as curd isn't flowing out of it).
11. Refrigerate for 5 minutes.
12. Bake for 10-12 minutes or until the edges start to brown.
13. Let sit on the baking sheets for 5 minutes to crispen up the bottoms slightly.
14. Place on wire racks to cool then sprinkle with powdered sugar and serve.

The curd is far too awesome to be contained by some silly cookie dough.

The cookie itself is a buttery treat that isn't overly sweet. It's somewhat like a lemony sugar cookie and perfectly encapsulates the fantastic and powerful curd filling. The powdered sugar really completes the dessert as it adds the necessary sweetness to balance out the sour. 

Lemon Curd

From David Lebovitz

Servings: Enough for at least 2 dozen cookies (about 1 cup)

Time: 25 minutes (plus an hour for cooling and setting)

1/2 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

1/2 cup sugar (or 1/3 cup if you use sweeter Meyer lemons)

2 large egg yolks

2 large eggs

pinch of salt

6 tbsp unsalted butter, cubed

While I still think curd is the worst name for a food ever, I have to admit they're always delicious.

1. Note: normally you make curds in a double boiler, but Mr. Lebovitz lives life on the edge (something most curd makers spend their curd filled days dreaming about) and does everything over direct heat. If you're not so adventurous, just set up a standard double boiler with a bowl over (but not touching) simmering water.
2. Whisk the lemon juice, sugar, egg yolks, eggs and salt together in a medium saucepan.
3. Add in the butter and whisk constantly over low heat until the butter is melted.
4. Increase the heat to medium-low and continue whisking constantly until the mixture thickens and just starts to become jelly-like (look for jiggles). 
5. Strain the curd then store it in the fridge for at least an hour so it can finish setting.
6. Sit down after experiencing truly living life by not using a double boiler.

When your cookies look like eggs, you know you're on the right track.

Curds are a fantastic marvel of the culinary world. The sourness or tartness provided by them can liven up any cookie or cupcake (see Margarita Cupcakes and Blue Velvet Cupcakes).This lemon curd was extremely easy to make and wonderfully flavorful without being overpowering.

Since only half of the cookies had curd oozing out of them, it's safe to say I'm improving with my filling skills.

These cookies weren't what I typically think of when I drool over the thought of cookies, but they proved to be a fantastic treat that helped establish the worth of the common lemon. The competing sourness and sweetness played magnificently off of one another to give a surprisingly layered dessert in such a simple package. Plus, as always, adding fruit to cookies makes them instantly nutritious (yep, it's probably time I start that health food blog).

The powdered sugar adds the essential sweetness to the delightfully sour cookie.

The Occasional (Very Lazy) Vegan: Banana Oatmeal Muffins

The blurriness was likely a result of me eating something actually healthy and not loaded with sugar (perhaps I should consult a doctor)

An interesting thought occurred to me during my last Sunday bakeathon; I realized I might want to present a healthy option to go along with my cookies and cupcakes (although this would most certainly slow down my plan of getting promoted at work by giving everyone else health problems). As a result, I decided some vegan muffins would be the way to go. Would my coworkers embrace these healthy yet delicious breakfast treats, or would they stone me with them for my nutritious transgression?


Banana Oatmeal Muffins
Adapted from Food.com
Servings: 12-15 muffins
Time: 30 minutes

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup rolled oats
1/2 cup brown sugar, unpacked
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
7/8 cup soy milk
1/3 cup applesauce
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup mashed banana

1. Preheat the oven to 400 F.
2. Mix the flour, oats, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt together in a bowl.
3. Combine the milk, applesauce and vanilla in a separate bowl.
4. Add the mashed banana to the wet ingredients until thoroughly incorporated.
5. Stir the dry ingredients in with the wet ingredients until just combined.
6. Fill lined cupcake tins 2/3 full with batter and bake for 20 minutes.
7. Resist the urge to cover them with butter and sugar packed frosting despite the mixed signals the cupcake liners are sending you.

Can you see the cupcakes calling to me in the top left corner? Fortunately, I kept a calm head and ate muffins for breakfast all week.

These muffins certainly did the trick in my search for a healthy breakfast. They tasted a lot like banana bread with the occasional oat coming through. My only real complaint is that I wished the tops had been just a tiny bit crispier (but that's a central failing of most banana based things thanks to their inherent mushiness). Also, I might consider adding a little cinnamon to have these pack some extra punch, but as they stood they went perfectly with my sugar-laden morning coffee to get my day started properly. In the end, these flew out of the work kitchen just as quickly as the lemon curd cookies and black and white cupcakes (stay tuned) I made, so I might just have to keep up the nutritious option tradition.

Alex happily prepares to eat a muffin that's devoid of her lifelong enemy- eggs. (Meanwhile, the boxes present behind her show how great my house is at moving. Only been 3 months!)

Pop Tart Cake

After months of sugar laden baking adventures (I really need to remember to schedule a dentist appointment sometime soon when I'm not deathly afraid of what they are going to find.), the Robin Farewell Baking Tour 2012 reaches its final stop. While it may have seemed fitting to go out on yet another perfect pie for the crazy pie train, we decided to instead make something completely different: homemade pop tarts! Fate smiled down upon our absurditude and yielded a most ridiculous dessert that would make even the most classically trained French Pastry chefs quiver in their aprons.

Pop Tart Cake
Adapted from A Golden Afternoon
Servings: 6-8
Time: 45 minutes

One of these things is not like the other

Pastry
2 cups flour
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup unsalted butter, cut
1 large egg (Plus one for brushing)
2 tbsp milk
Nutella
Fruit Preserves (I used strawberry and triple berry)

Icing
Powdered sugar
Milk
Vanilla extract
Almond extract
Crazy sprinkles in as many shapes as possible

If that picture doesn't scream buttery heart cloggingly gonna be crazy flaky crust, then I don't know what does (and I don't know why I have this tightness in my chest).

Killer swirls in the nutella are key

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Whisk the flour, sugar and salt together in a bowl then cut the butter in using a pastry cutter, two forks or just smash it with your fingers until you have pea-sized pieces.
3. Pour in the milk and egg and mix until just combined.
4. Divide the dough in two and roll out to about 1/8 inch thick.
5. Cut both pieces of dough into 6 equally sized rectangles. 
6. Brush one side (we'll use this as the bottom) with the egg wash then distribute your toppings as you want.
7. Realize that the dough is too thin to come apart without tearing and decide the only proper thing to do would be make a very traditional cake.
8. Place the top sheets on to cover one at a time and press down with a fork to seal and create individual pockets so the fillings don't mix.
9. Bake on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper for 20-25 minutes or until lightly browned.
10. Let cool.
11. Make the icing by mixing copious amounts of powdered sugar with very small amounts of milk, vanilla extract and almond extract until a mildly thick and not too runny icing forms.
12. Spread on the icing and cover with sprinkles.
13. Revel in the beauty of the pop tart cake that surely doesn't look like it was made by several 8 year olds.

It's amazing how loads of sugar can fix anything. 

Buttery deliciousness doesn't begin to describe the spectacular pastry shell we crafted. This could easily become a go-to pastry recipe for future desserts. Most importantly, though, the pastry proved to be quite unruly leading us to ditch the idea of individual pop tarts in favor of one crazy confection. It was a perfectly silly and fun way to bring a close to our baking adventures (and as with most things in my life, I have butter to thank).

The dinosaur sprinkles narrowly beat out the dolphins for my favorite. Moons and stars were the most disappointing.

For the icing, we used my standard diabetic glaze (previously seen in Snickerdoodles and Sugar Cookies). This solidified the pop tart cake as a breakfast food as the sugary richness can easily substitute for your morning coffee (to get you going for at least 30 minutes before crashing hardcore).

Just to be safe, you should pour even more sprinkles once you cut the cake. In fact, I'm developing a giant fork made of sprinkles specifically for eating the cake.

When making a pop tart cake, it's important to have options (I'm pretty sure my mom told me that along with some stuff about being sure to get at least 5 hours of TV in each day). We chose two berry fillings to go along with the golden child of Pinterest- Nutella (Ryan Gosling would have also been an acceptable answer). Upon initial devouring, the warm berry fillings proved to be supreme, but as this cake matured like a fine wine, the Nutella became the ideal. In the end, everything came together for a dessert we'll never forget.

This picture taken after making our first pie pretty much sums up all our baking adventures.

While it's sad to see a great baking partner and the only person who is a bigger pie enthusiast than I am go, I'm excited to see her start her new life as Dr. Robin, MD. This one final baking excursion encapsulated all the fun and randomness that filled our misadventures in the kitchen and served as a fitting send off. If you're in South Carolina, I highly recommend injuring yourself as she is one of the rare people I know who I would trust as my doctor.

Cinco de Mayo: Tacos Bistek

It's a post so epic that it was three weeks in the making (which definitely had nothing to do with the onslaught of weddings monopolizing my time recently). At last, I present the thrilling conclusion to our Cinco de Mayo festivities: The heart and soul of any fiesta: THE TACOS! (I'm pretty sure I get blogger bonus points for using multiple colons in one sentence.). For our main course, we went with a Kevin and Faron classic- Tacos Bistek, where perfectly seasoned rib-eye steak serves as the centerpiece of a mouthwatering tortilla encased classic.

Tacos Bistek
From the minds of Faron and Kevin

One day I won't live with Kevin, and I'll be woefully unprepared to make meat.

Time: 20 minutes (plus 1 hour for marinading)

Rib-eye steak
Olive oil
Fajita seasoning
Cumin
Onions, diced
Cilantro, chopped
Lime, wedged
Cotija cheese
Salsas (recipes here)
Corn tortillas

1. Prep the steaks. Marinade them in olive oil then rub on the fajita seasoning and cumin and let sit for an hour.
2. Cook the steaks to medium rare on a grill. For extra flavor, you can baste them with the adobo sauce from canned chipotles (conveniently found in the salsa recipe) right before they're finished.
3. Sauté the onions in olive oil until soft and translucent.
4. Grill the tortillas. 
5. Tear the chips away from the delicious salsa long enough to use on your tacos then fill the tortillas with steak, cotija cheese, cilantro, onions and salsa. Sprinkle them with your lime wedge and enjoy.

By showing a second picture at a different, much weirder angle it's like an entirely different dish (Nope, I'm definitely not being lazy).

These tacos served a key function for the evening; they provided the delicious bridge to get us from the heavenly salsas to the perfectly drunken margarita cupcakes (plus they probably added some much needed nutrients and protein to round out a complete feast). Faron and Kevin's Tacos Bistek are a superb addition to any taco night that is easy to prepare yet provides a truly authentic tasting Mexican experience that rivals anything you'll find in a Taco Truck. With the smashing success of each course of our Cinco de Mayo celebration, there's only one logical place to go from here: form an awesome Mexican band. Stay tuned for the exciting new adventures of My Mariachi Their Kitchen!

Cinco de Mayo: The Salsa Compendium

Hand modeling and picture taking at the same time. I'm so very talented.

First impressions are of the utmost importance. As such, my salsa experience often dictates whether or not I like a Mexican restaurant. If a restaurant can have me doing a rough calculation of how many tortilla chips my stomach can handle before bursting, then that establishment will rate highly in my book. I want my dining experience to come with the shame of looking over and realizing you just demolished your third basket of chips before your drinks came. Luckily, we had resident salsa expert Faron on hand to help us perfectly capture both ends of the salsa spectrum with some of the finest red and green salsas this palate has tasted.

This man knows how to turn a tortilla chip into a powerful tool in your culinary arsenal.

Salsa Roja
Servings: Enough for a grand fiesta
Time: 30 minutes

Chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
3 Roasted Poblanos (tutorial here)
1 large tomato
1 large onion
3 garlic cloves
1/4 cup water
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp olive oil
Handful of cilantro

1. Roughly chop everything and add it to a pot. 
2. Cook until the veggies soften (10-15 minutes). If it's overly liquidy, bring to a simmer and let reduce.
3. Mix in the olive oil and puree in a blender.
4. Let cool then stuff your face using convenient tortilla shaped transportation tools.

Kevin, our floor and my t-shirt learned that the immersion blender should be completely immersed before turning on.

Roja caliente may have been a better description of this delightfully spicy salsa. The roasted poblanos and chipotles yielded incredible flavors and a memorable kick. Aside from gracing your favorite chip or taco, this salsa was tailor made to liven up a breakfast omelet or migas (which I made sure to test out the next morning.).

Salsa Verde

Adapted from The Homesick Texan

Servings: 4-5 cups

Time: 25 minutes

3 medium-sized green tomatoes, coarsely chopped

4 tomatillos, cleaned and chopped

1-2 jalapenos, stemmed, seeded and coarsely chopped

3 small garlic cloves, minced

3 medium rip avocados, peeled, pitted and sliced

4 sprigs cilantro

1 tsp salt

1 1/2 cups sour cream

1. Combine the tomatoes, tomatillos, jalapenos and garlic in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for 10 to 15 minutes.
2. Remove from heat and let cool.
3. Add the tomato mixture to the avocados, cilantro and salt in a blender and puree until smooth.
4. Pour into a bowl and stir in the sour cream.

Just when the red salsa had you sweating, the cool and creamy green salsa based on Ninfa's recipe was there to bring you back down with its splendid combination of tomatillos and avocados. This truly was an almost exact replication of the amazing salsa from Ninfa's (up next, we must figure out Chuy's creamy jalapeno salsa). Trying to pick a favorite between the two salsas proved impossible, so we loaded up our tacos with both and our stomachs thanked us for it. 

And now a brief intro to canning (Watch your feet because Kevin's about to drop some knowledge.):

If only he could knit too, Kevin would make the perfect husband for some lucky lady one day.

1. Read the above paragraphs and make your salsa.
2. Say "hot damn" after trying the deliciousness and decide you want to share it with all your friends through the magic of canning (note: please don't can the green salsa as the sour cream may prove less than pleasant afterwards).
3. Boil the jars and lids.
4. Add your salsa to the jars and wipe the tops off.
5. Seal the lids and boil the jars for 40 minutes.
6. Listen for the popping sound when you remove them from the water to know that they're sealed.
7. Spread joy throughout the world.

Now they just need their Kevin's Crazy Canned Salsa Cans labels.