Sunday, March 25, 2012

The Triple C: Curry, Cardamom & Cinnamon Cookies

Wednesday night we celebrated a most glorious occasion in the new townhouse: our first home cooked meal together as a "family". After hopping into the mini-van (read: Kevin's Subaru. He might kill me for saying that.) and heading down to our local HEB, we were a chopping and cooking culinary force in the kitchen as we prepped some curry chicken and Guinness braised carrots. The meal inspired my inner baker, and I started to wonder whether one could make a cookie with some of the same ingredients (obviously minus the chicken because, really, that's more of a cupcake thing). In the end, I was left with one of the most daring yet delicious and unique cookies I've ever had.


Curry, Cardamom and Cinnamon Cookies
Modified from The Spice House
Servings: 3 dozen cookies
Time: 30 minutes (plus 4 hours inactive)

Beer, cookie dough, cream and gatorade: the ultimate bachelor fridge.
1 cup butter
2 cups brown sugar
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1 tbsp pure vanilla extract
3 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp curry powder
1/2 tsp ground cardamom
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 cup salted, roasted pecans, chopped


It's definitely more apt to call this batter a dough.

  1. Cream the butter and brown sugar together.
  2. Beat in the eggs and vanilla until thoroughly incorporated.
  3. Whisk the dry ingredients together then add to the creamed mixture in three increments.
  4. Stir in the pecans.
  5. Separate the batter into four rolls and wrap in waxed paper. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours.
  6. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
  7. Slice into the desired sizes (shoot for between 1/4 inch and 1/2 inch thick) and bake on a baking sheet lined in parchment paper for 12-14 minutes or until golden brown.
  8. Let cool on the baking sheets for 2 minutes to help crisp up the bottoms then put on wire racks to finish cooling.
  9. Pray that using curry in a cookie wasn't the worst idea ever.
The salted, roasted pecans were perfection. Aside from the Triple C, I have also nicknamed these cookies "The Robin".
I may have called these cookies "The Triple C", but there are actually four main flavor components to this somewhat savory cookie: curry, cinnamon, vanilla and pecans. The first things you'll notice are the curry smell and taste which gives way to a glorious vanilla and cinnamon finish. But the thrill ride isn't done yet, as biting into the occasional salted, roasted pecan really kicks your "mmm" face into high gear. Make no mistake, this isn't a particularly sweet cookie, but it works. It's also the perfect complement to your coffee or tea break (or just to your morning coffee so you can pretend it's breakfast like an adult).

The original inspiration for the cookies: our first new family meal, curry chicken with Guinness braised carrots.
These Indian themed cookies passed the initial roommate inspection with flying colors (especially the ever so crucial Dennis test), but the true stress inducing tests were still to come. The following day, I brought 2 dozen cookies to work. I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief when I went to the break room at 1 only to find that 14 employees managed to quickly polish off my baked goods. I then brought some to Cafe TH owner and general chef superstar, Minh, to hold him over until I could bring him some of the cupcakes he's been asking about. After his glowing review, I knew my risk had paid off with a dessert that managed to surpass the meal that inspired it. Now, I'm more determined than ever to take chances with my baking to hopefully achieve new heights of confectionary craftery.
Continuing our avant-garde series of photos of Dennis eating things. He would go on to consume two cookies.

St. Patrick's Day: Chocolate Mint Bark

Everyone knows that no holiday celebration is complete without at least 3 different kinds of food. In order to round out our Irish Tacos and Car Bomb Cupcakes (and to add even more green to the day), we made some of the Christmas staple peppermint bark (only missed it by 3 months!). This added a nice, minty finish to our cooking adventure and provided us with some much needed down time since it's pretty much just melting chocolate and throwing it in the fridge.


Chocolate Mint Bark
Andes mints about to be accidentally melted!
Adapted from Family Fun
Servings: A crazy amount
Time: 20 minutes plus cooling

8 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped
4 oz white chocolate chips, chopped
1/2 tsp vegetable oil
1/2 tsp peppermint extract
Andes mints, chopped
Green food coloring



Surely there must be a market for colored chocolates. I'll specialize in brown and be rich.
  1. Melt the semisweet chocolate in a double boiler, stirring continuously until smooth.
  2. Pour the melted chocolate onto a cookie sheet lined with wax paper and spread it to about 1/4 inch thick with a rubber spatula.
  3. Add the oil to the white chocolate and melt in the same way. Stir in some peppermint extract and food coloring and spread to about half of the thickness of the semisweet chocolate. You can use a knife to create chocolate swirls.
  4. Let refrigerate until firm at least 30 minutes. Also, you can put some chopped up Andes mints before it hardens so that they stick in.
  5. Peel the bark off of the wax paper and snap into servings.

More Tim Burton-esque swirls a la the chocolate cream pie.
The greatest aspect of this treat by far is the awesome chocolate swirls that form. They're what makes this dessert stand out from the Andes mints it so closely resembles in taste (pretty much dead on but with more crunch).  While making these, I learned an important lesson about melting things as I originally put the crushed up Andes on the bottom and then coated them in warm chocolate to predictable results. Also, if I had to make a change, I think I would have added a little Bailey's Irish Cream to keep the St. Patrick's Day alcoholic theme at the forefront (you wouldn't want your guests to start sobering up).
Just add a hook and they double as St. Patrick's Day earrings.
And now for a chilling exposé on Nancy's messy cooking (note: this may contain images too disturbing for younger readers):

Scooping granulated sugar proved to be an issue.

Nancy learned an important lesson about using a sifter.
She threw random foodstuffs on the ground with blatant disregard for the hardwood floors.
You don't even want to know what she did with the oddly shaped eggs.
In conclusion, if you see this woman trying to enter your kitchen, run away as fast as you can. (Note: this was in no way a response to her showcasing my messiness in Nancy and the Creme Brulee French Toast.)

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

St. Patrick's Day: Irish Tacos

And it even folds!
My sister had the most radical thought ever for St. Patrick's Day. She suggested I actually make a meal (or a taco to be specific) instead of just assorted desserts to celebrate the day. At first, I scoffed at the idea, but then she won me over with the words potato pancake (which we will from here on out be referring to as a "tortilla"). It was then a simple matter of combining all Irish food stereotypes (as learned from typing "Irish food" in to wikipedia) to form the all-new Irish taco. In the end, Nancy and I wound up with the ultimate meat and potatoes dish to give the fantastic Car Bomb Cupcakes a run for their money.


Irish Tacos
Servings: 8 tacos
Time: 2 1/2 hours

Boxty (recipe follows)
Kale (recipe follows)
Irish Whiskey Rib Eye (recipe follows)
Whiskey Sauce (recipe follows)
Irish Cheddar, shredded



The simplest part to prepare.
  1. Follow the many recipes that come after this. 
  2. Top your "tortilla" with kale, rib eye, Irish cheddar and whiskey sauce.

After seeing this, you should realize the following 4 recipes are worth the effort.


Boxty (Potato "Tortillas")
Adapted from Chow.com
Nancy's mad chopping skillz.
Servings: 8 "tortillas"
Time: 60 minutes

2 lbs white potatoes, peeled
3/4 cup whole milk, divided
1 1/4 tsp sea salt, plus more for seasoning
1 large egg
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp fresh ground pepper



Mashed taters form the base of the "tortilla"
  1. Chop 3/4 of the potatoes into large dice, place in a medium saucepan, salt generously and cover with cold water. Bring to a boil  and simmer uncovered until tender (about 10 minutes).
  2. Finely chop and drain the remaining potatoes and toss with 1/4 tsp salt. Set aside. Alternatively, you could remember to pack your grater and save yourself a bunch of trouble.
  3. Drain the boiled potatoes then add at least 1/4 milk and mash until smooth.
  4. Add the thinly chopped potatoes to the mashed potatoes.
  5. Whisk the egg, remaining 1/2 cup milk, flour, pepper and 1 tsp salt together in a separate bowl. Add to the potatoes and stir until fully incorporated.
  6. Heat a large nonstick frying pan over medium heat then drop and spread the batter to about 1/4 inch thick. Cook until the bottoms become golden brown then flip and cook the remaining side.
  7. Keep warm in the oven at 200 F until the rest of the taco fixings are ready.
Yup, definitely looks like a tortilla and not at all like a pancake
The potato pancakes are the perfect holder for the intense whiskey flavor that follows. The starchy treat does wonders in helping absorb the flavor from the many wondrous juices of the remaining ingredients and even folds like a real authentic-like taco.

Kale

Nothing too fancy here. Just take a bunch of kale and cook it over medium heat in a large pot with some olive oil, salt and pepper until it is wilted.

Irish Whiskey Rib Eye
Servings: 8
Time: 2 hours (inactive for 90 minutes)

2/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
3 tbsp Jameson's Irish whiskey
1-2 tsp worcestershire sauce
3 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp green onion, minced
1 tbsp garlic, minced
1 tbsp ground black pepper
1 tsp thyme
1 tsp rosemary
4 boneless rib eye steaks

  1. Marinade the steaks in the remaining ingredients in a plastic bag. Refrigerate for at least one hour.
  2. Remove from the marinade and cook in a frying pan over medium high heat for about 2-3 minutes per side for medium rare. Only flip once to maintain the juices.
  3. Cut and fill your tacos with it.
With all that sweet whiskey flavor you could ask for
My manhood was at steak (pun time is fun time!) as the entire dish hinged around some well-cooked steak. I somehow managed to overcome our new stove and make perfectly cooked tender rib eyes that melded beautifully with the potatoes. We found ourselves eating pieces of the steak on its own because of the absurdly amazing sweet whiskey flavor. 

Whiskey Sauce
Servings: enough for 8 tacos
Time: 10 minutes

1/4 lb unsalted butter
2 tbsp chopped onions
1 garlic clove, minced
3 tbsp Jameson's whiskey
1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp dry mustard
Dash of Tabasco sauce

  1. Saute the onion and garlic in melted butter until soft and translucent.
  2. Add the remaining ingredients and simmer to reduce for 2-5 minutes.
  3. Pour over your tacos and enjoy.
Nancy's fancy plating
Dousing our tacos in whiskey sauce may seem like overkill (deliciously alcoholic overkill), but it truly was the way to go. The added moisture, flavor and spiciness from the whiskey sauce helped boost the somewhat flavor deprived kale and kept the "tortilla" from being too dry.

Maybe it's just that we were starving after cooking all day without eating, or maybe it's the fact that food prepared in copious amounts of alcohol is always phenomenal (see the previously mentioned triply alcoholic Car Bomb Cupcakes, Bourbon Peaches Foster and Beer-Battered Fish Tacos), but these little pieces of Irish heaven had our mouths dancing a ridiculous drunken jig. 

One last dish remains from our St. Patrick's Day Extravaganza. Stay tuned for some Chocolate Mint Bark and the answer to the question you've all been wondering "How messy is Nancy in the kitchen?" The truth just might shock you.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

St. Patrick's Day: Car Bomb Cupcakes

Since I didn't make anything in honor of the last major holiday, Leap Day, I knew I had to go all out for St. Patrick's Day. To maximize awesomeness, I called up frequent baking collaborator Nancy, the most Irish person I know (Ok, not really, but her last name is O'Connor, which qualifies her.). This ambitious day would consist of two desserts and one entree to make sure we were properly fed before truly celebrating the most sacred and serious holiday there is. Would our Irish Tacos, Car Bomb Cupcakes and Chocolate Mint Bark make everyone green with envy, or would we be forced to drown our sorrows in green beer? We'll start with the most important part of any meal- the cupcake course.

Guinness Chocolate Cupcakes
Adapted from Food Network
Previously Seen in Beer Pairing Night
Servings: 24 cupcakes
Time: 40 minutes

Inside the new superhot oven.
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups sugar
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp cinnamon
Pinch salt
1 bottle of Guinness (12 fl. oz.)
1 stick butter, melted
1 tbsp vanilla extract
3 large eggs
3/4 cup sour cream
Bailey's and Jameson Chocolate Filling (recipe follows)
Bailey's Cream Cheese Frosting (recipe follows)
Fondant (recipe follows)
Moist, bouncy and uber-chocolatey cakes
  1. Put on green then open and drink a Guinness.
  2. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
  3. Whisk the cocoa powder, sugar, flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon together in a large bowl. Set aside.
  4. Mix the Guinness, butter and vanilla together in a stand mixer with the paddle attachment. 
  5. Beat in the eggs 1 at a time until fully incorporated.
  6. Add the sour cream and combine until smooth.
  7. Gradually mix in the dry ingredients in three separate additions at low speed. Be careful not to overmix.
  8. Fill lined cupcake tins 2/3 of the way with batter and bake for 18-22 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean.
  9. Let cool on a wire rack.
  10. Remove the centers with a knife and fill with the Bailey's and Jameson's chocolate filling (recipe follows).
  11. Frost and garnish.
For the base of our triply alcoholic cupcakes inspired by everyone's favorite St. Patrick's Day mixed drink (no, combining green food coloring and beer does not count), I turned to an old recipe from October when Kevin, Jaime, Dennis and I had a beer pairing night. I fondly remembered it as a nicely moist chocolate cake, but I also knew there were ways in which it could be improved. At the beer pairing, we matched it with Saint Arnold's Pumpkinator, and it formed a spectacular union with the heavily spiced brew. As a result, I decided to add some cinnamon to this batch, which really ended up adding a whole new dimension of deliciousness. Additionally, the Guinness served as a far better beer than Left Hand Milk Stout and truly emphasized the chocolate. But I wanted to ratchet up that chocolate, which is where our alcoholic filling came in.

Bailey's and Jameson's Chocolate Filling
From We Are Not Martha
Servings: Enough for 30 cupcakes
Time: 10 minutes

8 oz bittersweet chocolate (shoot for 60-65% cacao)
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup Bailey's Irish Cream
2 tbsp unsalted butter, room temperature
2 tbsp Jameson's Irish Whiskey



Alcohol and chocolate, you are my friends.
  1. Cut the chocolate into small chunks.
  2. Scald the cream in a saucepan. This means take it to the point where it's steaming and the sides are bubbling but it's not boiling.
  3. Pour the cream over the chocolate and let it sit for a minute. Stir until melted. If it doesn't melt, you can make a double boiler to finish it off.
  4. Mix in the Bailey's, butter and Jameson's until smooth. 
It's like a shot in the middle of the cupcake.
Before getting to the taste, I want to point out that the filling smelled amazing. And our mouths only confirmed what our noses were telling us. This definitely isn't a kid friendly cupcake as the Bailey's and Jameson's really pack a punch, but it all is in perfect harmony with the lovely chocolate and the holiday spirit. It reminded me of a very alcoholic version of filling you'd find in a Valentine's Day box of chocolates (one of the good ones that you'd eat after poking the bottom with your thumb).

Bailey's Cream Cheese Frosting
Servings: Enough to frost 30 cupcakes
Time: 5 minutes

1 cup butter, softened
16 oz cream cheese, softened
5-6 cups powdered sugar, sifted
1 tbsp vanilla extract
3-4 tbsp Bailey's Irish Cream
Green food coloring

You can never go wrong with cream cheese.
  1. Cream the butter using a stand mixer with the paddle attachment on medium-low speed then add the cream cheese and cream again until light and fluffy.
  2. Add the powdered sugar one cup at a time and mix at low speed (to avoid the crazy cloud of powdered sugar) until fully incorporated. Be sure to scrape down the sides of the bowl.
  3. Mix in the vanilla extract, food coloring and Bailey's then ramp up the speed to medium.
  4. Ruin at least 5 cupcakes trying to figure out how to decorate them then finally hit your stride just in time to save the batch.
After ruining 5, I finally got a design down. I miss Alexis' frosting gun.
I previously made a Bailey's buttercream that was tasty but a little too thick (and may have broken Alexis' first frosting gun). It only seemed right to convert it to a smooth cream cheese frosting, and this proved to be the smart call. The Bailey's really got to shine as it almost didn't taste like a cream cheese frosting (which somehow wasn't a bad thing). It's a good thing it tasted so incredible because our decorating abilities needed some serious work thanks to our lack of skills with piping bags (and my hands overheating the frosting waaaayyyy too much). Luckily, we had some fondant at the ready to cover up our early missteps.

The greaser cupcake was by far my favorite. Excellent work, Nancy.
Almond Fondant
Servings: Enough to decorate 24 cupcakes
Time: 10 minutes

1 cup light corn syrup
1 cup shortening
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp almond extract
2 lbs powdered sugar, sifted
Green food coloring

The 2 lbs of powdered sugar brought my total for the day to 3 lbs (sadly not a record).
  1. Stir together the corn syrup and shortening using the dough hook attachment on a stand mixer.
  2. Mix in the salt and almond extract then slowly add the powdered sugar.
  3. Add food coloring until you reach the desired green.
  4. Roll out on a flat surface until it's 1/8 inch thick or thinner then cut or roll into the desired shapes (or just edible amorphous blobs).

The hat looks kind of like a ninja turtle. I'll take it! (They weren't all this bad, but they weren't good enough to warrant a second pic).
Let's be honest. Fondant is not the tastiest thing in the world. It's pretty much purely for decorative purposes. I managed to make it slightly better than bland by adding almond extract instead of vanilla. The fondant was easy to work with but almost a little too malleable, so I would recommend refrigerating it first to make it a little harder.

Dennis tries to fit the entire cupcake in his mouth.
We had three outstanding components, but did they all synch together to form a cupcake worthy of the most bastardized holiday this side of Cinco de Mayo? The early consensus in our townhouse was a resounding "yes" muffled by cupcake being devoured.
But would drunk people approve?!?
The true test was still ahead of us, though. I ended up bring some to brewer roommate Dennis' Saint Arnold's St. Patrick's Day party. If drunk people enjoyed them then surely they could be called a success. Much to my relief, the partygoers had nothing but rave reviews, with several calling them their favorite cupcake ever (and one person mistaking the filling for uncooked cupcake). The cupcakes even managed to garner a hugely positive response from Nancy's far rowdier reading group. Despite being in my top three cupcakes, these still didn't steal the show for me. That lofty distinction fell on the soon to be posted Irish Tacos.
Coming soon: Find out how potato tortillas (read: pancakes), kale, whiskey marinated rib eye, whiskey sauce and Irish cheddar come together to form the Irish Taco.

Friday, March 16, 2012

The Paula Deen Vegan Challenge!: Glazed "Bacon"-Wrapped "Chicken" with Cheesy Asparagus & Rosemary Potatoes

As punishment for not posting a Weekly Vegan entry last week, I presented myself with the ultimate challenge. I had to turn Paula Deen recipes into tasty vegan dishes. The queen of butter and bacon was not gonna make this easy, but I was ready for her. Undeterred, I grabbed my trusty veganizing ray and set about on my mission, not sure if I'd ever return.


Whatever you do, don't look into the beast's eyes!
Glazed Tempeh Bacon Wrapped Gardein
Veganized from Paula Deen's Southern Cooking Bible
Servings: 4
Time: 2 and a half hours (2 hours inactive)

1/3 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup orange juice
1 tbsp tabasco
1 1/2 tbsp minced garlic
4 gardein patties, thawed
4 slices tempeh bacon
1/2 cup light brown sugar



So you're supposed to cover two kinds of meat with sugar. Yeah, that sounds about right.
  1. Combine the soy sauce, orange juice, tabasco and garlic in a plastic bag. Add the gardein patties and coat well. Refrigerate for 2 hours.
  2. Preheat the oven to 375 F. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil and place a wire rack on top.
  3. Free the gardein from its marinade grave and wrap with a slice or two of tempeh bacon. Use a toothpick to keep it secured.
  4. Dip the gardein in the brown sugar and coat evenly. Place the chicken on the wire rack and cook for 15 minutes, turning once.
The glazed gardein was somewhat of a mixed-bag. It turned out a little dry since I cooked everything at once at 400 F (so you should probably reduce the time and temp). Evenly coating the gardein patties was also a little tricky, so some bites had nice flavor and some were sadly lacking. These pieces were quickly remedied by the glorious tempeh bacon, which cooked perfectly in the oven. The tempeh was truly the highlight of the meal and went magnificently with the two sides.

Cheesy Asparagus
Veganized from Paula Deen's Southern Cooking Bible
Servings: 3
Time: 15 minutes

1 lb asparagus, woody ends snapped
1 tbsp olive oil
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
Daiya cheddar cheese

Breaking off the ends of asparagus is oddly therapeutic. 
  1. Preheat the oven to 400 F.
  2. Toss the asparagus in the olive oil, salt and pepper on a baking sheet.
  3. Sprinkle on Daiya cheddar and bake for 10 to 12 minutes until the faux cheese melts.
The Daiya cheese had some issues with sticking to the asparagus.
Cheese covered asparagus brought me back to the unhealthy introduction to veggies we all have as children. The Daiya cheddar is a great imitation of the real thing (with an interesting and somewhat powdery taste). The only issue I had with this side was that the cheese mostly stayed on the baking sheet, forcing me to scrape it out. The extra work was worth it, though, and would also come in handy with the rosemary potatoes. 

Roasted Rosemary Potatoes
Veganized from Paula Deen's Southern Cooking Bible
Servings: 4
Time: 40 minutes

3/4 lb Yukon gold potatoes, cut into 1 1/4 inch chunks
3/4 lb red potatoes, cut into 1 1/4 inch chunks
2 tbsp olive oil
4 cloves garlic, unpeeled
2 sprigs fresh rosemary
Salt to taste
Black pepper to taste
2 strips tempeh bacon

  1. Preheat the oven to 425 F. 
  2. Toss the potatoes and tempeh bacon in the oil, garlic, rosemary, salt and pepper.
  3. Roast, turning occasionally until golden and tender or about 30 minutes.
Cropped so you don't see the burnt potato!
Rosemary potatoes are a killer weapon to have in your culinary arsenal. They can add the perfect starchy finish to any dinner or breakfast (see: A Very Vegan Christmas). Opening up your oven to that roasted rosemary smell just might be one of the most perfect experiences you can have in a kitchen. I noticed Paula Deen's recipe wasn't Deenified enough, so I upped the unnecessary quotient by adding some tempeh bacon to the equation. This proved to be a brilliant idea as the potatoes, tempeh bacon and cheese from the asparagus enabled occasional side quests to the land of the baked potato.

Battered and bruised, I emerged victorious from my assault on Paula Deen's cuisine (rhyming is fun). This was a great break from the wild baking tangent I went on (My first actual meal post in almost a month!) and a welcome addition to The Weekly Vegan. Also, now that I live much closer to a Whole Foods (and may have stocked up on enough vegan supplies for the upcoming apocalypse), I'm ready to continue fighting the good fight in my crusade against the ultimate Southern cook.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Pi(es) aRe (not) Squared: Kevin and the Bumbleberry Pie

(Editor's Note: These are the bakings and ramblings of roomie and frequent mess picker upper Kevin. As he is a man of great brevity, I will occasionally chime in with my usual parentheses. Also, pie is delicious, and this further solidified our majestic bromance.)


What better way to celebrate everybody’s favorite mathematical constant and consequentially also March 14th than a firm full of engineers bringing all the pie to the table (and the gauntlet has been thrown down to lovers of "e" everywhere).  I dusted off my baking skills to join in the festivities and with a little inspiration arrived at making a Bumbleberry pie.  What is a bumbleberry exactly?  Well I was about to find out as I embarked on the delicious and berry filled adventure to pay tribute to Pi.

Bumbleberry Pie
Servings: 2 Pies (What? You were seriously gonna celebrate Pi Day with just one pie?)
Time: 90 Minutes

Pie Crust
5 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups shortening
3/4 cup cold water
1 egg
1 tablespoon vinegar

Pie Filling
4 cups apples (about 3 apples) – cored and chopped
2 cups chopped fresh rhubarb
2 cups sliced fresh strawberries
2 cups fresh blueberries
2 cups fresh raspberries
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 cups white sugar
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons tapioca
1 egg yolk beaten with 2 tablespoons water to brush the top

Preparing the Crust
  1. Fold the shortening into the flour and salt until crumbly.
  2. Whisk together the water, egg, and vinegar in a separate bowl.
  3. Mix the wet mixture into the dry until it forms a ball.
  4. Divide the dough into four balls and refrigerate for at least 4 hours.
(The rolling pin was at the old place still, so this was done by hand. Most impressive.)
Preparing the Filling
  1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
  2.  In a large bowl, mix together the apples, rhubarb, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and lemon juice.
  3. In a separate bowl, mix together the sugar, flour and tapioca.
  4. Slowly mix in the blended dry ingredients with the fruit mixture.
  5. Divide the mixture into two pie plates each lined with one of the balls of dough.
  6.  Roll out the remaining two balls of dough to form the tops. 
  7. Brush on some of the egg wash.
  8. Bake in the preheated oven for about 60 minutes until the top is a golden brown.
  9. (Let cool quaintly on a windowsill.) 

Though I was nervous that my pie-making skills had waned, a quick taste quickly restored my confidence.  The 2pm (no, no, not 3:14) pie festivities at work brought out quite the variety and everyone seemed to enjoy the oddly-named Bumbleberry Pie.

(I can't believe he didn't weave his lattice. What's that? I didn't either! Well, shut up.)
(When asked for a comment on how it actually tasted, Kevin simply responded "like an explosion of berries," so I decided to help him out. While this is a truthstory, it does not do justice to said explosion. There are a wild 5 different kinds of fruit in the pie (six if you count the lemon juice) causing it to pack a powerful punch. Instead of just getting lost in a sea of compoted pie filling, each component hits you at a different time leading to a truly killer pie experience that's kind of like a real life realization of the everlasting gobstopper from Willy Wonka. The end result is a nicely sweet and quite tart pie that truly does justice to the master of the circle- pi)

How to quiet any group of scientists.