Game of Thrones: Red Wedding Cake

I had no idea just how enthusiastic Lars' painting would be.

This past Sunday, Game of Thrones had its highly anticipated season 4 premiere. Since my friends and I are huge nerds fans of the show, we decided we needed a ridiculous evening devoted to our return to Westeros. For my cooking, I wanted to focus on the two biggest aspects of the show: dragons (see the upcoming Dragon Eggs and Fire Sauce) and the (in)famous Red Wedding (I figured focusing on the equally famous gratuitous nudity would be a little less blog friendly).

Could I, along with the decorating skills of cooking neophyte Lars, come up with a cake that fittingly honored the over the top violence of the fight for the Iron Throne?

Dun Dun DuDuDun Dun DuDuDun Dun...

Red Wedding Cake
Servings: 1- 2 level tiered cake
Time: 2 hours

Almond Wedding Cake (recipe below)
Blackberry Curd (recipe below)
Cream Cheese Frosting (recipe below)
Fake Blood (recipe below)

1. Prepare the cake, curd, frosting and fake blood. Once everything is cooled begin assembling.
2. Cut each of the two cakes in half. Fill the larger cake with curd and replace the top. Cover well with frosting. 
3. Place the bottom of the second cake on top of the frosting and fill with curd. Cover and finish frosting.
4. Take out your inner aggressions by creating blood splatters all over the cake with the fake blood.

Much like the outside, the inside lived (or should it be died?) up to its name.

This cake was even more Red Weddingy than I had hoped. Lars really embraced her inner Lannister to deliver a confection worthy of the King's table.

Almond Wedding Cake
Adapted from I am Baker
Servings: 1- 9" and 1- 7 1/2" Round Cake
Time: 30 minutes

2 1/2 cups cake flour
1/2 cup milk,  at room temp
1/2 cup buttermilk, at room temp
2-3 tbsp sour cream
6 large egg whites, at room temp
1 tbsp almond extract
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 3/4 cups granulated sugar
4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, softened

So white and pure. Just like a silly Stark.

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F. 
2. Whisk cake flour, sugar, baking powder and salt together in a bowl.
3. In a separate bowl, mix the milks, sour cream, egg whites and extracts together.
4. Cream the butter in a stand mixer at medium speed.
5. Add in the flour mixture and let go for 1-2 minutes until you see a change in texture from the butter.
6. Add half of the milk mixture and mix well at medium-low speed.
7. Scrape the sides down and beat in the rest of the milk.
8. Pour the batter between your two cake pans.
9. Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until the toothpick test comes back clean.
10. Let cool in the pan for 2 minutes then transfer to wire racks. Let cool to room temperature before any other steps.

Not to be outdone, it's actually a really tasty wedding cake.

If your intentions are far more wholesome, this recipe actually makes a phenomenal wedding cake. The almond flavor comes through nicely to go with a wonderfully moist cake. I did adjust this recipe slightly from the original by adding a little more flour, sour cream, and splitting the milk into half buttermilk, and the result was undeniably delicious. My only regret was not making the cakes taller for bigger layers once I cut them. Perhaps a little more baking powder would be in order next time.

Blackberry Curd

Adapted from Cupcake Wars

Previously Seen Here

Servings: About 4 layers worth

Time: 20 minutes

1 quart blackberries

1/4 cup water

2 tbsp all-purpose flour

1/2 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 egg yolk

2 tbsp unsalted butter

Blunt force instrument of blackberry death. I call this whisk "Ice" now.

1. Combine the blackberries and water in a pot. Simmer until the blackberries change color and start to come apart easily.
2. Pour the hot mixture through a strainer and press the blackberries to get all the juice out.
3. Mix the sugar and flour together in a separate, clena pot.
4. Slowly pour in the juice while whisking constantly until fully incorporated.
5. Add in the eggs and egg yolks while still whisking over medium-low heat until it begins to thicken (about 5-7 minutes).
6. Once the curd has formed, remove from heat and stir in the butter. 
7. Cover and cool in the fridge.

I could never get it quite the right level of red from its starting purple.

My first and perhaps favorite curd made the natural growth from Wedding Shower treat to full on wedding cake filling. The curd itself is a brilliant purple/red color that is packed with the sweetness and tartness blackberries are known for. Additionally, the consistency of the curd was perfect for building healthy, structurally sound layers despite my seeming inability to cut the cakes in half evenly. One brief word of caution: no matter how much red food coloring you add, you won't be able to change its appearance.

Thanks to the curd, my kitchen was beginning to resemble a scene from the show.

Cream Cheese Frosting

Servings: 1 tiered cake's worth

Time: 10 minutes

16 oz cream cheese, room temp

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

1 tbsp almond extract

1-2 tsp vanilla extract

4-5 cups powdered sugar, sifted 

1. Make sure the butter and cream cheese are at room temp (this will help avoid lumps).
2. Cream the butter for 2 minutes until smooth using the whisk attachment on a stand mixer. Beat in the cream cheese and extracts.
3. Gradually whisk in the powdered sugar until it reaches your desired level of sweetness.
4. Store in the fridge until ready to use.

Even before the drizzle, the frosting wasn't free of some fake blood swirled in thanks to the inner curd.

This was a bit of a departure from your traditional buttercream/fondant loaded wedding cake, but it's my Red Wedding and I can do what I want. I merely altered my go to cream cheese recipe to highlight an almond flavor, and I kept the sweetness level on the low side since the blackberry and fake blood drizzle would take care of that.

Fake Blood Drizzle

Servings: Enough to satisfy even the most depraved decorator

Time: 5 minutes

10 oz strawberry preserves/jam (make sure there are chunks of strawberry)

8 oz red raspberry preserves/jam

8 oz cream cheese

Red food coloring

Don't forget, chunks of berry are key for pulling this off.

1. Mix all the ingredients together until smooth and the desired level of red is achieved.

I've determined that all decent parties should have at least 2 fake blood options.

This was really a last minute thought as to how I could generate a second, more liquidy blood for outer decoration. The chunks of fruit in the preserves added a little much needed texture and made our coating properly gory. Both of our blood options were extremely tasty, so I highly recommend letting your guests further decorate their slices of cake as they see fit.

It looks like the Hound himself sliced it.

This bloody cake just may have been my baking opus (I honestly stopped after my first bite and thought exactly that). Every layer was delectable on its own, but together they only managed to strengthen each other for a truly exquisite dessert experience. All of the sweetness and acidity of the bloods were balanced sublimely by the delicate almond cake and creamy frosting. In the end, it really was everything I had envisioned when I first thought of making a Red Wedding Cake.

Stay tuned for the conclusion to our premiere party- Dragon Eggs with Fire Sauce, where I also attempt to teach Lars a thing or two about cooking.

Jerk Burgers with Grilled Pineapple and Yucca Fries

This doesn't even come close to describing how incredible the burger was (and it's a tasty looking pic).

In my never-ending quest to become a full fledged adult male, there are still certain tasks I need to master. While I may be an expert at the art of drinking a beer after a long day of work and lounging around in a white t-shirt and boxers on a recliner, I still need some guidance in things like grilling and changing the oil in a car. Following a long post vacation week back at work, I figured it would be a great time to pick Kevin's brain again for at least more answers on how to man a grill (since my gut tells me oil comically pouring all over my face like sitcoms have taught me will happen just wasn't going to serve as dinner).

Starting with our Texas Burgers, Kevin and I have come to understand that our destiny is to make the world's juiciest, most ridiculously over-thought burgers. Friday, we continued chasing that dream with an assist from Tovy and a hastily thrown together vision of a Jamaican burger paradise that was somehow executed to perfection.

Jerk Sauce
Adapted from About
Servings: 11/2 cups
Time: 15 minutes

1/4 cup ground Jamaican allspice
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
6 garlic cloves
3-4 Scotch bonnet peppers, seeded and cored (use gloves)
1 tbsp thyme leaves
1 bunch green onions, chopped
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 tbsp soy sauce
8-10 oz Red Stripe 
Juice of 1/2 to 1 lime
Salt and Pepper to taste

Until I figure out how to create a scratch and sniff blog, you will just have to trust me that the spicy, tasty sauce was much better than being just blandly brown looking.

1. Convince your eager to contribute friend, Tovy, to chop the peppers.
2. Assert your manliness in front of your friends by saying you'll try the Scotch bonnet pepper to see how spicy it is. Do not show weakness.
3. Liquify all the ingredients together in a blender.
4. Realize it's gritty thanks to the allspice. 
5. Attempt and fail to strain it. 
6. Resign yourself to the fact that you're gonna use this for basting and not as a straight up sauce (plus it's way too liquidy anyway).

In case it wasn't painfully obvious from the instructions, I initially envisioned the jerk sauce as a condiment for our burgers, but settling for using it for basting proved surprisingly effective. Like any good caribbean inspired cooking, it had a nice balance of spicy with a little bit of sweet. It was a powerful yet delicate combination of spices (and beer) that enhanced the rest of our meal without overwhelming it.

Jerk Burgers

Servings: 3-4 Burgers (only limited by amount of beef)

Time: 30 minutes

Guess the most important ingredient

1 lb ground beef (we used 85/15 grass-fed)

Buns

1 Pineapple, sliced and cored

1/2 white onion, diced

1 orange bell pepper, diced

1 yellow bell pepper, diced

3 jalapenos, seeded and diced

Lime

Pepper jack cheese

Jerk Sauce (see above)

Salt and Pepper to taste

Well packed, but not overly so with colorful veggies

1. Form 3-4 patties by combining the meat with onion, bell pepper and jalapenos. Be careful not to overdo it on the fillings or the burgers will lose all structural integrity. Season with salt and pepper. Reserve the extra veggies.
2. Wrap the veggies tightly in aluminum foil with some jerk sauce. Let steam on the grill for about 15 minutes until super fragrant and soft.
3. Grill the pineapple until there are nice grill marks (about 3-5 minutes per side).
4. Lime everything up! Rub the grill with half a lime then put lime juice on top of our patties. 
5. Grill the patties for about 4-5 minutes per side for a juicy medium. Brush with the jerk sauce about twice per side. Finish off with some cheese for the final couple of minutes.
6. Top grilled buns with a patty, a pineapple slice and your steamed jerk veggies.
7. Declare success.

   
   

   The unflipped pineapple was ostracized and brutally discriminated against.

   Let's be honest this entire night was really just an excuse to grill pineapple. Plus, it served as my first ever attempt to pick out the most succulent, ripe pineapple in a store and proudly butcher it. 

Kevin brilliantly saved our lack of sauce with his steamed jerk "salsa".

Super poorly lit basting pics are probably the world's next "selfie".

These burgers can best be described as having endless layers of juiciness. The burgers themselves, were expertly grilled to a nice medium that was bolstered up even more by beautiful inner workings of veggies and the lime and jerk sauce infusion. Spice from the basting and pepper jack cheese was countered by the sweet pineapple and topped with a little kick from our makeshift salsa, proving that jerk seasoning is not just reserved for chicken.

Like any proper burger, it was difficult to hold in one hand (especially when they are somewhat small and girly like mine)

Yucca Fries

Time: 30 minutes

2 or so lbs of Yucca

Oil for frying (we used peanut)

Salt and Pepper to taste

Transforming the yucca from odd (not at all phallically shaped), wax covered super starch into tender strips ready for frying.

1. Preheat the oven to 200 F.
2. Peel the yucca and chop it into your preferred fry shape and size (although I doubt curly will work here). Remove any excess stringy material.
3. Boil the yucca in water with a little oil and salt until tender (about 10-15 minutes). Drain well and let cool.
4. Get a large pot ~half filled with oil to 370 F. Fry for 5-7 minutes per batch turning occasionally.
5. Remove the fries to a plate lined with paper towels to get rid of excess oil. 
6. Toss with salt and pepper on a baking sheet and transfer to the oven to keep warm.

The yucca is now incognito and surprisingly delicious.

To keep with our island theme, I wanted something to sub in for our usual fries or tater totty goodness. The even starchier yucca was the ultimate choice, narrowly beating out jicama due to the store not having any. The tender, boiled yucca had us worried, but once fried, it crisped up nicely while maintaining its inner softness, yielding a welcome replacement to standard every day potatoes.

Luckily for Kevin and Tovy (and our already elevated cholesterol), I witheld the urge to put a fried egg under the pineapple.

Together, we three combined our man powers of chopping, grilling and drinking beer (which oddly enough was the original way to summon Captain Planet) for the perfect way to celebrate a hard earned weekend. Fortunately, the search for the world's greatest burger is a Sisyphean task that will keep us occupied for many a weekend grilling to come.

Chocolate Hazelnut Cookies

It's oddly difficult to figure out where one cookie ends and the other begins.

Following two days of my attempted Harry Potter Vacation Detox, I relapsed into a sugar and chocolate haze(lnut). Given the success of my previous foray into low ingredient count desserts, I decided to break up the lack of fictional wizard monotony of the work week with some 3-ingredient cookies. Naturally, I altered the recipe to include one more ingredient because I still just can't trust these minimal recipes fully.

Chocolate Hazelnut Cookies
Adapted from Chilly Frosting

Soon, I would assert my dominance on the hazelnuts

Servings: 12-18 cookies
Time: 60 minutes

1 1/3 cup hazelnuts
2/3 cup + 1 tbsp granulated sugar
2 egg whites
A pinch of salt
Semi-sweet or dark chocolate chips

I was still highly skeptical of this nut and sugar batter.

Double boiler!

1. Read ingredients and wonder why no one ever counts salt when they're making these "3"-ingredient recipes.
2. Preheat the oven to 350 F. 
3. Toast the hazelnuts in a single layer on a baking sheet for 13-15 minutes or until fragrant and lightly golden brown.
4. Remove the now loose skins and let cool.
5. Drop the oven temperature to 300 F.
6. Pulse the hazelnuts in a food processor to a coarse consistency.
7. Beat the egg whites using a stand mixer with the whisk attachment until stiff peaks form.
8. Lightly fold the hazelnut and sugar into the egg whites until a batter forms.
9. Drop the batter onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper in ~ tbsp sized amounts about 1- 1/2 inches apart.
10. Bake for 25-30 minutes until golden brown.
11. Let cool for 2 minutes on the baking sheet then carefully transfer to a wire rack. The cookies and bottoms may crack.
12. Melt the chocolate in a double boiler.
13. Dip the cookies in once they've cooled. Place them on parchment paper in the fridge for at least half an hour to let the chocolate set.

The cookies looked sadly plain...

For a recipe that involved so few ingredients, this was surprisingly labor intensive (peeling/shelling nuts individually continues to be my least favorite baking activity alongside zesting citrus). As expected, the rich toasted hazelnut taste and sugar dominated the flavor of this cookie (seriously, don't forget to toast the nuts). This combo resulted in a crispy outside and an intriguing soft, chewy inside. In an attempt to not be overwhelmed by the sugar bomb, I used some semi-sweet chocolate (but I would recommend darker varieties for full effect). This extra step was worth it because the chocolate really helped balance things out and made these plain cookies look even more amazing. If you wanted to make these simple cookies even more complex, I'd recommend incorporating some nutella or a hint of espresso into the chocolate dip.

...which chocolate always cures!

Luckily, I was able to stop myself after just two cookies and save the rest for my coworkers. Going cold turkey with candy just wasn't as successful as I had hoped.

Orange Ginger Shrimp with Orzo Kale Salad

Following my week away with Robin at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, we found ourselves desperately craving something healthy. Apparently filling yours days with butterbeer, pizza, barbecue, candy from Honeydukes and actual beer leaves your body craving the precious nutrients only green things can provide (sadly, green gummy worms somehow do not count). 

Cauldron Cupcakes and Butterbeer- just two of the many treats of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Note: our butterbeer from a few months ago was way tastier (and far more alcoholic). Go us!

After our 6 and a half hour drive back to Charleston was finally over, we stopped at the grocery store to pick up healthy eats. The result was the incredibly delightful and rejuvenating Orzo Kale Salad. It was so good (and my body still needed so many more nutrients) that I made it again upon my return to Houston with a little protein assist from some quick and easy Orange Ginger Shrimp (since we found just eating the orzo kale salad led to further snacking).

This display in Zonko's Joke Shop accurately describes how you may feel after a vacation of eating like a kid.

Orzo Kale Salad

Adapted from Whole Foods

Servings: 8

Time: 60 minutes (inactive for 30)

The kale is taking over!

1 packet orzo

2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil, divided

1 1/4 lb heirloom tomatoes, chopped

~ 6 kale leaves (sprigs?), de-stemmed and chopped

1/2 red onion, diced

2 1/2 tbsp lemon juice

1 tbsp balsamic vinegar

3/4 tsp fine sea salt

1/2 tsp ground black pepper

1 tsp ginger, minced

1/2 cup basil leaves, torn

1. Prepare the orzo according to the instructions (usually boil in water for about 10 minutes). Then drain and run under cold water to cool.
2. Toss the orzo in a large bowl with the tomatoes, kale, onion and 1 tbsp of olive oil.
3. Whisk the remaining olive oil, lemon juice, balsamic vinegar, salt, pepper and ginger together in a small bowl and pour into the salad. Add the basil and toss again.
4. Chill covered in the fridge for at least half an hour.
5. Feel super healthy.

I can practically feel all the sugar leaving my body just looking at it.

The orzo kale salad was incredibly fresh and delicious, and it smelled awesome. The earthy, crunchy kale complimented the smooth orzo, juicy tomatoes, and powerful basil, while the acidic dressing helped pack a punch and bring it all together in a nice harmony. Overall, this is an amazing side that just needs the right protein partner to make it into a full meal. Just be careful not to let the kale take over (since I apparently have no idea how much kale actually magically generates once you cut it).

Orange Ginger Shrimp
Servings: 4
Time: 70 minutes (inactive for most)

1 lb shrimp, peeled and deveined
Juice of 2 oranges
1 tbsp ginger, minced
4 cloves garlic, minced
Salt and Pepper
Olive Oil

1. Marinate the shrimp in the orange juice, ginger, garlic, salt and pepper covered in the fridge for an hour.
2. Heat olive oil in a pan over medium heat.
3. Remove most of the marinade from the shrimp and sauté in the olive oil 2-3 minutes per side until opaque and orange.
4. Drizzle a little of the oil mix on top of the shrimp and serve.

They're just as simple as they look.

The shrimp was fairly noncomplex, but the protein needed to be to help the salad stand out. The ginger and orange exist as merely subtle hints in the background, but those traces really help it go with our acidic salad without overwhelming you. If you want to make this on its own, I'd suggest trying to turn the marinade into a glaze (add some corn starch that's mixed in well with juice/water). Really, though, you should just give in like I did as soon as I took all the fancy pics and mix the shrimp and salad together.

A more exciting action angle. Also, special shout out to Kevin's fancy display plate and to me for never returning it.

Despite its simplicity, this was an incredible meal that I look forward to having for the next several days as my body continues to detox from the vacation. Sacrificing our health for a few days was a small price to pay for a great getaway where we could feel and act like kids again, while also investing in our future (read: purchasing several wands and magic kits).

Our wands.  I can't decide whether or not I should be afraid that Robin thought Voldemort's was the coolest looking one.

4 Ingredient Nutella Espresso Brownies

Concluding my lazy, ingredient deficient Sunday, I made 4-Ingredient Brownies to truly test my belief in everything Buzzfeed tells me. I was extremely skeptical that the mere 3 ingredients suggested to me could make anything resembling a delightful treat, so I added an extra for good measure.

Would an evening of baking without tons of time consuming steps be enough to please my sweet tooth, or would it leave me feeling flat, much like brownies sans baking powder?

Nutella Espresso Brownies
Adapted from Kirbie's Cravings
Servings: Thin 9" round worth of brownies
Time: 20 minutes

1 1/4 cup Nutella
7 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 tbsp espresso, finely ground
2 eggs

Is it actual batter or did I just spread Nutella across a baking dish?

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Mix all the ingredients together in a large bowl until a smooth batter forms.
3. Stare at the mixing bowl confused that there aren't a bunch more things to measure.
4. Spread evenly into a lightly greased 9" round baking dish and flatten with a spatula.
5. Bake for 12-15 minutes or until the toothpick test comes back clean. Cool in the dish on a wire rack.

After sitting overnight they formed an actual structure instead of just oozing out delicious Nutella.

At first, I was completely disappointed in these brownies, and my faith in the internet was seemingly forever shaken. The brownies didn't quite set in the oven and even after cooling appeared to be a gooey mess of Nutella (which isn't all that tragic of an outcome if you think about it). Fortunately, I decided to bring my bastardized baking into work the next day instead of throwing it out, and it was a huge hit. Overnight, this started to resemble a more standard fudgy brownie. The hazelnut and espresso combo was a massive success (and it should be since it's a great latte). Still, I can't help but think these could have been better with a few more ingredients. A little baking powder and extra flour to help these rise would have been nice. It also would've masked the grainy nature of the espresso a little better, as the ground coffee stood out amongst the otherwise smooth Nutella base. Despite these minor shortcomings, you can't really beat having tasty brownies ready to go in under 20 minutes with minimal effort.

Three Ingredient Honey Mustard Pretzel Chicken

Turn this into a complete meal with sriracha Brussels sprouts

Weekends are supposed to be a time of extreme laziness. Recently, we got a little overzealous with our cooking exploits (see Brinner of the Gods, Cowboy Burgers and Sushi Saturday). I didn't want to risk overdoing it right before my Harry Potter vacation week, so I was quite excited when Buzzfeed posted a bunch of 3-Ingredient Recipes (plus I needed a break from knowing what TV character I am).

Would this simple chicken dish hit the spot, or would it further cement my predisposition for excess?

Honey Mustard Pretzel Chicken
From Cooking With Cakes
Servings: 8 chicken tenders
Time: 90 minutes (inactive for 60)

8 Chicken breast tenders
2 cups honey mustard pretzel pieces (mine were actually honey mustard and onion)
Lite honey mustard dressing
Salt and Pepper to taste

If you want to be a jerk about it, we will debate until the ends of time whether this counts as 3 or 5 ingredients.

1. Lightly season your tenders with salt and pepper.
2. Cover with honey mustard dressing and let marinate in the fridge for at least an hour.
3. Preheat your oven to 350 F.
4. Turn your pretzel pieces into bread crumbs by pulsing in a food processor. Spread out on a plate.
5. Shake off excess marinade from the tenders. Then coat them well with the pretzel crumbs.
6. Place the tenders on a greased wire rack and bake for 20 minutes. Broil for an additional 2-3 minutes to help make them crispier.
7. Serve with extra honey mustard dressing.

They look especially great before removing them from the wire rack you forgot to grease.

Honey mustard and onion pretzels just may be the greatest creation ever. Their unnatural yellow glow and breath destroying flavor make them impossible to resist, so surely they can only elevate any dish they are used in. My high hopes proved to not be unfounded, as these super easy chicken tenders were just about perfect. The chicken was cooked wonderfully, and the crunchy pretzel coating was a clear winner.  Even with additional honey mustard dressing for dipping, I just couldn't have enough of the sweetest yellow condiment around. My only regret was using up all the pretzels, destroying my future snacking hopes.

Dr. Pepper Braised Brisket Tacos

If not for the 10 hours worth of cooking time and my desire to be extremely lazy Saturday morning (read: I didn't want to put on pants to go to the store), this would have been my 200th post. I continued my weekend of delicious cooking with what was quite possibly the best slow cooker recipe I have ever tasted.  At last, I was able to combine my love of Dr. Pepper with my love of meat in one beautiful, tacoey union.

To me, you are perfect.

Dr. Pepper Braised Brisket Tacos
Adapted from Cooking Haven
Servings: 15+ tacos
Time: 10 hours (in a slow cooker for 9 of those)

Aye, there's the rub.

3 lbs beef brisket
1 tbsp paprika
1 tbsp dried chipotle powder
1 tbsp cumin
1tbsp salt
2 tsp black pepper
2 1/2 tsp garlic powder
3 tbsp canola oil
16 oz Dr. Pepper (I used fancy Dublin ones)
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
3 tbsp molasses
2/3 onion, diced
1 14 oz can diced tomatoes (I used fire-roasted)
1/2 cup jalapeno pepper jelly
2-4 cups beef stock, as necessary
Tortillas
Jalapenos, sliced
Avocado, sliced
Cilantro
Pickled onions (see recipe below)
Salsa

Silly brisket, you can't escape.

1. Make your rub by mixing the paprika, chipotle powder, cumin, salt, black pepper and garlic powder together in a bowl. Apply the rub generously to both sides of the brisket.
2. Get oil in a skillet hot over medium heat. Once hot, sear the brisket for about 4-5 minutes per side until it starts to brown. Remove.
3. Mix the Dr. Pepper, vinegar, molasses, diced onions, tomatoes and pepper jelly well in a slow cooker. Add the brisket in and top with beef stock until just submerged.
4. Cook covered on low for 8-9 hours.
5. Spend your day being incredibly lazy to make up for the 30 minutes of effort you just put in.
6. Remove the brisket from the liquid and let cool. Once cooled enough, pull with two forks.
7. Transfer the liquid to a pot and reduce over medium-high heat to about half the volume. You're gonna have plenty of time to do this because it takes a while to pull all that brisket.
8. Recombine the reduced liquid with the pulled brisket and warm over medium-low heat.
9. Use a slotted spoon to serve the brisket and remove excess liquid (it's still going to be ridiculously juicy and worthy of 3+ napkins). Fill tortillas with the brisket and top with jalapenos, avocado, cilantro, pickled onions and salsa.
10. Sit and eat in silence aside from "mmm" because everyone is busy stuffing their faces and calculating how much they could eat without feeling shame.

Fancy camera captures the awesome fresh out of the slow cooker steaming brisket.

Originally, this recipe called for root beer, but I have a special place in my heart for Dr. Pepper. Back in college, I used to keep a case of it in my room at all times (and I kept my room at 50 degrees, so I wouldn't have to refrigerate it because we were going to get the most out of our tuition paying the dorm's power bills). I don't often find myself drinking soda anymore, but I make time every now and then for Dr. Pepper (especially if it's the pure cane sugar Dublin variety in a fancy glass bottle).

Kevin's pulling skills are unmatched. Plus, it's a great forearm workout. 

The brisket itself smelled and looked excellent. It had that distinct brisket flavor that makes it the state meat of Texas, but it really excelled when it made its most joyous reunion with the reduced Dr. Pepper braising liquid. The chipotle powder infused rub, fire roasted tomatoes and molasses helped reconcile the brisket's BBQ origins with its current Tex-Mex use.

HEB fresh made tortillas are the way to go if you're in Texas.

The absolutely succulent Dr. Pepper brisket was the perfect taco filling. Its unbelievable melt in your mouth tenderness was kicked up even further with the creamy avocado, crunchy and spicy jalapeno and the perfectly pickled onions to make one of the greatest tacos I have ever eaten (and after 6 years of living in Texas, that's saying something). Nancy, Kevin and I sat at the table stuffed and contemplating justification for another. Fortunately, we all managed to stop at 3.

You can see how juicy it is. Note: your plate and hands will be covered by the time you're done savoring each and every bite.

Pickled Onions

Adapted from Inspired Taste

Servings: 2 onions worth (so a lot)

Time: 1 hour (inactive for 50 minutes)

2 red onions

1 cup apple cider vinegar

1/2 cup lime juice

1/4 cup sugar

1 tbsp salt

Boring, unassuming red onions just waiting to be brined.

1. Slice your onions into thin strips and place in a bowl or pot with handles.
2. Bring a separate pot of water to a boil.
3. Cover the onions in boiling water for 10 seconds then drain into a colander and set aside in another bowl.
4. Heat the apple cider vinegar, lime juice, sugar and salt together until dissolved. 
5. Brine the onions in the acidic mix and let come to room temperature. 
6. Strain and serve. You should reserve the brine if you want to store for later use.

Pickled red onions turn such a pretty color.

I spent about as much time searching for pickled onions at the store as I did making them. Pickling is an incredibly easy process that produced quick, vibrant results. Note: only use these pickled onions with your tacos. By themselves, they are far too vinegary, but that aspect of them works quite well with the brisket.

From pickling onions to finding the greatest use for Dr. Pepper ever, it was an incredibly productive yet also lazy (thanks slow cooker!) Sunday. It was the perfect finish to a fantastic weekend of tasty adventures.